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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is DH is being weird about the neighbours

116 replies

Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:15

DH is doing my head in, basically being a weird af curtain twitcher

To be fair he’s much more of a “chat to the neighbours” type person and I barely know any of their names. I’ll just smile/wave if I see them in the morning and carry on with my life. That’s always been our dynamic and never been an issue.

We have been going through some significant issues TTC and our neighbours are having a baby. Their due date is any day now and it’s made DH crazy? Every time he hears their car he’s peeking to see if they might be going to the hospital or coming back with the baby? The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon”

On one hand it’s nice he’s excited for them but he’s taking it way too far imo. When I’ve tried to tell him that I’m finding it a bit much he’s said I am being miserable

I know I’m a bit tetchy but I’m not being mean spirited about it.. I have even bought them a present and card etc for when the baby is here.

Someone please help me understand why he’s gone crazy because I’m on my last nerve 😂

OP posts:
Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:10

SugarHorseSpooks · 07/09/2024 14:09

At the same time the govt are the ones that need your dh when or if anything happens in the neighbourhood etc

😂😂 this one made me chuckle, thanks.

Maybe I’ll tell him to retrain for MI5

OP posts:
Longdarkcloud · 07/09/2024 14:11

He is vicariously experiencing impending fatherhood a bit like a few women have pseudo pregnancies. It’s an emotional thing with him and he’s probably not fully aware. Just try to ignore him and not get too stressed. Everyone deals with these things, like grief, differently. It shows he is just as anxious as you are about the situation.
Good luck and May your wishes come true 💐

boredaf · 07/09/2024 14:11

I personally think it’s weird, I’d find it bizarre if I knew my neighbours were actively watching to see if I’d gone into labour. YANBU.

SugarHorseSpooks · 07/09/2024 14:12

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:10

😂😂 this one made me chuckle, thanks.

Maybe I’ll tell him to retrain for MI5

from the seems of it, hes a good beginner

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:13

FuzzyDiva · 07/09/2024 13:31

What about his TTC emotions? Perhaps this is how he’s coping and just because it’s different or annoying to you, don’t mean he’s doing anything wrong.

This.

I lean toward the curious end, too, so his actions don't seem odd to me. Why quash him?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/09/2024 14:13

He's nosey and it must be jarring for you. I've got a husband who leaps to look out of the window at any weather change. It's odd but at least he leaves the neighbours alone.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/09/2024 14:13

He's nosey and it must be jarring for you. I've got a husband who leaps to look out of the window at any weather change. It's odd but at least he leaves the neighbours alone.

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:15

Longdarkcloud · 07/09/2024 14:11

He is vicariously experiencing impending fatherhood a bit like a few women have pseudo pregnancies. It’s an emotional thing with him and he’s probably not fully aware. Just try to ignore him and not get too stressed. Everyone deals with these things, like grief, differently. It shows he is just as anxious as you are about the situation.
Good luck and May your wishes come true 💐

Agree.

How on earth does this hurt you, OP?

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:17

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:13

This.

I lean toward the curious end, too, so his actions don't seem odd to me. Why quash him?

I find it a bit weird anyway because I’m not a particularly nosey person and I genuinely don’t have much interest in what’s going on with the neighbours - regardless of our scenario it would annoy me if he was always like this

But also - it’s not going to help us make one that actually ends up being viable

so good for him being happy but I don’t think I should be made out to be miserable or nasty when I just feel a bit like “chill out”

for me the constant talk of what’s happening for them is a reminder of what’s not for us

OP posts:
Lampzade · 07/09/2024 14:17

Longdarkcloud · 07/09/2024 14:11

He is vicariously experiencing impending fatherhood a bit like a few women have pseudo pregnancies. It’s an emotional thing with him and he’s probably not fully aware. Just try to ignore him and not get too stressed. Everyone deals with these things, like grief, differently. It shows he is just as anxious as you are about the situation.
Good luck and May your wishes come true 💐

I agree

SugarHorseSpooks · 07/09/2024 14:19

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:17

I find it a bit weird anyway because I’m not a particularly nosey person and I genuinely don’t have much interest in what’s going on with the neighbours - regardless of our scenario it would annoy me if he was always like this

But also - it’s not going to help us make one that actually ends up being viable

so good for him being happy but I don’t think I should be made out to be miserable or nasty when I just feel a bit like “chill out”

for me the constant talk of what’s happening for them is a reminder of what’s not for us

Edited

before tech back in the day this in general was how neighbours were

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:22

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:15

Agree.

How on earth does this hurt you, OP?

“Im finding the constant speculation about if the neighbours have had their baby yet a bit much” (because we have got XYZ going on and it feels a bit like everywhere we turn no one cares)

“you are being a misery”

instantly feels worse about everything going on and the emotions that come with it. Feelings dismissed

would you not want the one person you trust most in the world to acknowledge your feelings?

OP posts:
Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:22

SugarHorseSpooks · 07/09/2024 14:19

before tech back in the day this in general was how neighbours were

Well thank fuck this isn’t the 80s 😂

OP posts:
housemaus · 07/09/2024 14:23

Some really odd replies here I think - why is everyone taking OP's husband in such bad faith?

FWIW my first thought on reading it was that TTC was obviously taking its toll on him - if this had been the other way round and a husband was wondering why their wife was curtain twitching about the neighbour's baby I feel pretty sure that everyone would be like "it's hard trying to conceive, she's probably fixating on what they have and what she wants, give her some grace because it must be difficult for her watching them prepare for something you really want". I feel the same about him.

LeoOakley · 07/09/2024 14:25

Spidey66 · 07/09/2024 13:29

I'd probably say to him 'why are you so interested? It's not your baby....or is it?'

😂

Lovefromjuliaxo · 07/09/2024 14:28

I think he is sad about you guys not having a baby yet, and jealous of the neighbours. He wants to be a dad too. He wishes it was you and him in their place. That’s it. However, he’s being a bit insensitive bringing it up to you, when you’re also upset I’m guessing. Have you guys ever thought about counselling? TTC when it’s difficult and not happening is brutal on some couples.

TroysMammy · 07/09/2024 14:29

My neighbour's partner was a curtain twitcher until she pointed out that they've got cctv and he can have a nose without anyone seeing him watching them 😂.

Lemonadeand · 07/09/2024 14:31

NoNameNoPlace · 07/09/2024 13:23

YANBU he’s being very insensitive by bringing up a new baby constantly when you are struggling to conceive.

He’s trying to conceive too.

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:34

One thing I will say is this: it surprises me how many people seem to be ok with being a bit of a curtain twitcher… defo reconsidering how much the street might be taking notice of us as well now 😂👀

OP posts:
dutysuite · 07/09/2024 14:34

My next door neighbours had a baby and the first I knew about was when I heard a new born baby cry. Shortly afterwards they knocked to introduce their baby to us. My neighbours are lovely but they live their lives and I live mine, I have no idea what they do as I have no interest in spying on them.

narns · 07/09/2024 14:34

I left the house at 5am to go to hospital last time I was in labour and my neighbour came out in her dressing gown to ask if DD was coming 😂

ChateauMargaux · 07/09/2024 14:38

Tell him: DH, I know you are a nosey bugger and excited for a bit of neighbour news, but everytime you jump up expecting them to be bringing home a baby reminds me that we are struggling and I am finding it very difficult. I don't want to hear your speculation about when the neighbours baby will be born.

ChateauMargaux · 07/09/2024 14:38

Tell him: DH, I know you are a nosey bugger and excited for a bit of neighbour news, but everytime you jump up expecting them to be bringing home a baby reminds me that we are struggling and I am finding it very difficult. I don't want to hear your speculation about when the neighbours baby will be born.

PrincessOfPreschool · 07/09/2024 14:38

Skyrainlight · 07/09/2024 13:24

My husband is quite the curtain twitcher too so I wouldn't find this unusual.

Wow, I'm gosh I'm not the only one with an H like this. Dh is obsessed with what's going on in the road. He is "working from home" (looking out of the window) and keeps me constantly updated (Amazon van came but we didn't get our delivery it was for number 3, the neighbour's dog escaped, lady over the road has a new partner etc etc). I thought he was weird because I have precisely zero interest but apparently he's not alone.

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:39

narns · 07/09/2024 14:34

I left the house at 5am to go to hospital last time I was in labour and my neighbour came out in her dressing gown to ask if DD was coming 😂

Im sorry but I would find that unhinged - if DH did that I’d never live down the secondhand embarrassment 😂

OP posts: