Did women used to enjoy being catcalled?

[Gofastboatsmojito]

Hi,

Filtering a recent discussion with my stepmum I just wanted to survey the 55+ year olds of mumsnet to check whether I'm way off.

She is absolutely insistent that in her youth women (most? all?) enjoyed being whistled or shouted appreciatively at when waking past a building site.

She thinks women's perception of this has changed in the last 20 years. All her friends enjoyed it in the 70s and 80s apparently.

For context she has been the subject of male violence including sexual violence and does not equate the two.

I find it hard to believe everyone enjoyed it and assume that women felt a lot less able to say they didn't like it due to fear of being called frigid, uptight etc.

I'm sure the answer might lie somewhere between the two extremes but just wondering what an AIBU poll might say.

V grateful if women of age 55+ only vote

YABU = in my youth the majority of women I knew considered a wolf whistle as a cheeky but welcome compliment

YANBU = I didn't enjoy this even in the 70s

It was a bit of a mixed bag, really. You were brought up to see it as a compliment and, as a result, you were supposed to feel flattered by the attention. It wasn’t just about catcalling either—any time a man (gentleman or otherwise) paid you attention, the expectation was to be flattered, perhaps even grateful. But underneath it all, I often didn’t feel that way. Then, of course, came the guilt, as though there was something wrong with me for not enjoying the attention in the way I was "meant" to. Looking back, it’s all a bit blurry, but I think that sums it up quite well.
I also remember feeling worried that if you didn’t show appreciation for the so-called "flattery," people might accuse you of being a lesbian—and not in kind terms either. Back then, it did seem like the lesser of two evils to smile at a wolf whistle rather than risk being labelled a d**e. Thankfully, the world’s changed a bit since then. Not completely, sadly, but definitely for the better.

No it made me feel uncomfortable

but I very much enjoyed waking past a man or a few men I thought looked attractive knowing I had their attention too many men made me feel very vulnerable

but a group of men that were older and I had no interest in their attention made me feel I wanted to throw a blanket around me

That's so sad. A bright girl being made to feel that way, and wanting validation from creepy, entitled men. Awful.

I won't speak for myself or vote, as I'm not in my 50s and actually read and respect your request op.

But fwiw my mother who is in her 70s says she hated it and she would dread walking past building sites in the city for this reason.

I’m younger than the age bracket you’ve asked for but I always enjoyed it. Not everything needs to be taken so seriously. 90% of the time it was completely harmless and not at all threatening. I kinda miss it but at least they’ve stopped for everyone and not just me!

At 16 I remember being followed around a shop by a group of blokes shouting about my breasts.

I hated being leered at and harassed in public. It wasn't flattering to be objectified and demeaned. It also made me feel unsafe. It was a way for men to assert my lesser status in public.

All women are different and just because one or even two say they enjoyed it, doesn't mean all women feel the same.

Do you really want a guy yelling "nice tits!" at you in the middle of the street? Really really?

Late 40s. It made me feel scared and vulnerable as a young teen.

One of the reasons I knew from a young age I was a feminist.

You just know though , the authorities and managers of the employers can bring in as many laws around not doing something as they like, but some of the men will still make comments amongst themselves and it's up the more decent men to call it out.
However , with so many more different types of men living here now ( as referenced below ) from different cultures and communities, who can police what they may say to each other in private?
.. . Or anyone for that matter? They probably still do the eyeing up or ' marks out of ten ' or whatever they say about women , it's just more underground ( or they watch porn a lot more on the internet and that was harder to get hold of years ago)
Men are still thinking these things even if they have been told ' not to whistle ' or whatever the laws are.
It's education of men not to objectify that is the problem as many will never stop while they think the likes of Andrew Tate are correct :(
Not sure what the answer is or how to stop the worst offenders.

It still happens a little bit, doesn't it? Not so much cat calling but beeping of horns. I work at a university and walk home, always behind students. I've seen a few female students get beeped at.

Yeah it still happens. I'm not particularly young (40s) but different men last did it to me a couple of years ago.

It made me feel vulnerable and nervous.

There was more of a pressure from society then that it was a compliment and if you didn't like that was your problem, which added an extra layer of discomfort and awkwardness to it.

Glad it's no longer acceptable.

“Nonsense”?
Purely a difference of opinion. Don’t be so self righteous and other ladies on here have expressed a liking for catcalling at times!

58 here, when I was young a whistle from another young (note YOUNG) male I might have been flattered at I admit.

These days, it doesn't seem to be that innocent, vans slowing down and shouting "get your tits out" to 14 year old's or shouting fat comments to women running, the sexual assaults in the street and clubs were never a thing when I was young.

At least I was fortunate not to experience it, although I have been followed once.

It just seems so much more intense, aggressive and abusive now.

Horrible, just horrible. They were cat calling because they fancied you ergo wanted sex. It was and is a disgusting behaviour.
I recall the first time was when I was about 12 or 13. Makes me feel sick thinking about it.

I liked it, it made my day, aged 16 to 22ish. If I knew then what I know now ( at 58) I'd have felt angry and a bit violated.

I hated it. I remember as a young woman walking the long way round to work so I didn't have to walk past a building site. Never understood why some women liked it.

No, never enjoyed it. It made me feel very vulnerable, especially as a teenager.

I looked particularly young (mistaken for 12/13 year old when 16, mid-teens as a 20 year old, late teens in my early twenties). I started getting comments and catcalls as a 14/15 year old. How creepy is that?

No, I don't miss it at all. I like being invisible.

Yes, or sometimes just to intimidate and demean. If you didn't smile or giggle it would often get more threatening or offensive.

Weird bc my mother has some shocking stories of women being assaulted on trains in public view, or in the cinema, and not being able to go to a pub alone because of it. And she's 70s. She said it seemed much worse then.

You can do a simple thought experiment on this by imagining a woman doing the same to a man. Imagine walking past a man in a suit in central London and whistling at him followed by 'that wiggle!'. Difficult to imagine because it would never happen - that is because catcalling is abusive and like other forms of abuse isn't about attraction or appreciation, it's about power.

Honestly I don't think I ever really minded. Depended on the scenerio, but sometimes it could be a bit sleazy and intimidating.
Bit like work colleagues who like to flirt back in the day when it was acceptable. Some blokes just get away with it and it's just friendly, others made your skin crawl! Same behaviour for both though, which is why it's probably best it's no longer accepted. Couldn't exactly say - you can give me a hug and I don't mind, but you other person make me want to go home and scrub my body clean if you so much as make contact with me.

I remember my grandma telling me that when she was younger and men whistled at her, she'd tut and roll her eyes at them...but now she was old she wished someone would wolf whistle at her!

I think this (like everything else) has moved to be a lot more threatening.
A wolf whistle or cal call whilst I was younger (50) I did see as complimentary if I'm honest. But I never felt that they were threatening me.
However now if you don't smile, engage, speak to them, flirt with them they follow you, get out their car, touch you, demand your phone number and get physical.
It's a sign of how far backwards we've gone as a society. As women have become more and more equal (not there yet obv) men can't control women in the home like they used to - we work, we chose whether to have kids, we chose to stay single. It's shifted yet due to society men still believe they're better than women and have altered their stance accordingly.

It was definitely worse in the work place ( not that I experienced it myself , but I've heard the stories from others)
Lots of threads on it on mumsnet that make you want to be sick and men got away with it too
Especially if they were the managers too.