Did women used to enjoy being catcalled?

[Gofastboatsmojito]

Hi,

Filtering a recent discussion with my stepmum I just wanted to survey the 55+ year olds of mumsnet to check whether I'm way off.

She is absolutely insistent that in her youth women (most? all?) enjoyed being whistled or shouted appreciatively at when waking past a building site.

She thinks women's perception of this has changed in the last 20 years. All her friends enjoyed it in the 70s and 80s apparently.

For context she has been the subject of male violence including sexual violence and does not equate the two.

I find it hard to believe everyone enjoyed it and assume that women felt a lot less able to say they didn't like it due to fear of being called frigid, uptight etc.

I'm sure the answer might lie somewhere between the two extremes but just wondering what an AIBU poll might say.

V grateful if women of age 55+ only vote

YABU = in my youth the majority of women I knew considered a wolf whistle as a cheeky but welcome compliment

YANBU = I didn't enjoy this even in the 70s

39. I’ve never really minded it, provided it remained a whistle and not aggressively sexual remarks. Although earlier this summer a guy walking past me said “you’ve got great legs” and winked at me as he walked past. I’ve got to admit it made my day as I’d spent the morning contemplating whether I’m now too old for a denim mini skirt 😂😂

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that 4 out of 10 women so far said they don't mind/didn't mind being cat called and whistled and being hit on ... I absolutely hated every minute of it. It happened to me quite a lot... Pervy letchy men - very likely married - coming on to me, when I was between 13 and 45. (Late 1970s to around 2009/2010.) I got absolutely sick to death of it.

I was rarely able to do my 15-20 minute walk to work, or go for a bike ride, or (or walk anywhere for more than 20 minutes,) without being jeered at and leered at, gawped at, letched at, and sometimes stopped in my tracks with a man trying to get my attention, asking me out/chatting me up, and sometimes calling me a fucking slag or a cunt or a bitch, if I said no. I even had men letching and cat calling me sometimes, when I was with my DH!

I would get wolf whistles - and was always expected to turn around to the builders or the workmen and smile or giggle like a simpleton - or say, 'oh my gosh, I am so pleased that you find me attractive. You wonderful man!' And if you ignored them, you would sometimes get called an ignorant cow, or even worse - proper nasty rancid insults. Do these fuckwits not realise this is the 15th time this month this has happened?!

I was often chatted up at bars, even though I said I was with someone already/was married, and had a wedding ring on (when I went out with my friends.) And was often called a fucking miserable slag when I turned them down. I ended up turning down men on buses and trains - and a few times had men follow me off the bus or train. And I had to go to people's houses or into pubs and beg them to ring my dad (or DH when I was married.) Or I'd ask them to drive me up the road half a mile, or I'd ask them to warn them off or call the police.

Sometimes had men try it on at work... Thinking I was up for an affair because a couple of other women had affairs at work, and had them leering at me, and groping me. Or staring at me...

No, I'm not some kind of supermodel. I've always been a reasonably attractive woman, a 7 out of 10 maybe but not a supermodel. And sometimes a stone or two overweight. Nothing stops them. I became afraid to wear short skirts or any kind of top that shows a little bit of cleavage, (I have - and always have had quite big boobs,) because that means I'm some kind of slut. 'Why do you dress like that if you don't want the attention?' they'd ask.

Yep, that was MY LIFE for over 30 years. From the late 1970s to around 2009/2010. It started when I was around 13, yes 13! And it didn't stop til I was around 44-45! AND it's the life of many other women. Is it any wonder that many women really resent and loathe many men.

I'm often gobsmacked when I read on these threads that some women claim they enjoy all this shit! REALLY?! I find that hard to believe! And some women claim that they've never been cat called/leered at/hit on too. I find that really, really hard to believe that some women have never had it happen - ever.

.

60 now
I didn't like it generally, but as with so many things it's not always black and white.
Sometimes it was creepy and offensive, other times I would laugh out loud depending on what and how it was said.

i’m late 30s. I wasn’t confident about my looks growing up and got bullied a bit for it. Had a glow up late teens early 20s and when i was first catcalled and i realised It wasn’t meant sarcastically (though how do we really know?) , I felt flattered 🙈 I ignored it as i didn’t know what else to do. Looking back i’m a bit horrified I felt this way.

I was trying to remember where Lima was 😅. It was a long time ago. I should know. Remind me please!

Absolutely what @HeySummerWhereAreYou has wonderfully and articulately said!

that was my life too and it was a pain the fucking arse

@HeySummerWhereAreYou - I agree. There are some sad cases on here though, women with terrible lives and low self esteem, for whom any kind of male attention would give them validation. Very sad.

Sorry. Lima is the capital of Peru. I should have remembered that.
We were warned about crime in Lima but actually found people really friendly and felt safe there. And I felt that a little round of applause was quite polite.

💯

I’m 52 and have always hated it. It’s made me feel really uncomfortable, awkward, and judged.

It’s a highly personal thing, it’s nothing to do with what era it is. Some people like it, some hate it, there’s nothing wrong with either position. However, since many of us hate it I agree with the moves to make it illegal. If you enjoy it you can do it in the privacy of your own home.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou
well you have been told now, believe it or not
people are different and didnt have your life

There's catcalls and catcalls. "Good morning beautiful" is different to "Bet that cunt's dripping" or other similarly delightful things I've heard, and they have different impacts.

I do identify as a feminist and would prefer not to have my value as a human being judged by a random bloke based on my appearance, but the level of aggression and obvious hatred varies.

Some women did enjoy it. Some women didn't. Just like now. We aren't a homogeneous mob.

But equally it would depend on the catcalling. A smile and a wink is different from a 'cooooooorrrrr show us your xxxxxx' and then Getting aggressive when you ignore them.

enjoy it in the privacy of your home?
what does that even mean

I had grown men catcalling me all the time between age 13-17 and then it dwindled off very quickly after that.

It made me feel embarrassed and grossed out that those men basically just fancied children

I always hated it but I have one friend who loves it and still seeks that kind of attention in her 60s. She told me that my daughter should be flattered that a man tried to put her hand up her skirt. Baffles me - it really does

It was different times back then. I didn't feel threatened at all. The UK is very different now.

I used to get a lot of “smile love” then if I didn’t giggle, a follow up like “mardy cow”. Ah fond memories

i grew up in a village
then went to london at 19
if there was any whistling i probably was wearing my walkman!
either that or didnt put two and two together but genuinely wouldnt have minded - i dont recall any
not a feminist but i knew about them and how they supposedly would refuse to have the door opened for them!
as we are saying our ages, i am 58.

I hated it; it happened to me in the 80s and I remember the feeling of threat and the anxiety it caused. Groups of men together were often aggressive and frightening. A friend of mine shared a stupid post on Facebook about women enjoying wolf whistles back in the day, but I can say I don't need attention from men to validate my existence. In my experience cat calls, wolf whistling are harassment and can lead to assault. I'm glad it seems to have stopped; my husband is in the construction industry and they are warned not to do this.

I thought I got whistled at the other day. Was walking on air, turns out he was calling his dog . I'm 65.x

No.

It's fucking obscene grown men catcalling a 13 year old.

Had this all the way to my mid 20s. It's intimidating and embarrassing.

There used to be a lot of catcalling still in the early 2000s especially in certain areas of the country. Now men aren't as brazen but you still get the odd unsolicited comment, they are just less likely to shout it. I am not particularly young but also not quite old yet and have noticed that the men who tend to engage in this harassment are more likely now to just stare continuously, they are often men who have cone here from other places like the middle east so a culture that is even worse for women. I have had it a few times where I've been waiting for a train and one of these men are standing near me just staring, sometimes muttering things under their breath.

I think as a young teen I was a bit flattered-didn't know any better!

But always combined with feeling that you had to smile lest insults followed.

That's just disgusting isn't it?

Feeling the need to "be kind" to blokes that were at least old enough to be your dad leering at you!