Did women used to enjoy being catcalled?

[Gofastboatsmojito]

Hi,

Filtering a recent discussion with my stepmum I just wanted to survey the 55+ year olds of mumsnet to check whether I'm way off.

She is absolutely insistent that in her youth women (most? all?) enjoyed being whistled or shouted appreciatively at when waking past a building site.

She thinks women's perception of this has changed in the last 20 years. All her friends enjoyed it in the 70s and 80s apparently.

For context she has been the subject of male violence including sexual violence and does not equate the two.

I find it hard to believe everyone enjoyed it and assume that women felt a lot less able to say they didn't like it due to fear of being called frigid, uptight etc.

I'm sure the answer might lie somewhere between the two extremes but just wondering what an AIBU poll might say.

V grateful if women of age 55+ only vote

YABU = in my youth the majority of women I knew considered a wolf whistle as a cheeky but welcome compliment

YANBU = I didn't enjoy this even in the 70s

'Accidental' groping etc is definitely sexual assault.

I just don't see it as being in any way the same as adults (like I said, women as well as men) making a brief passing wolf whistle or "hello gorgeous" (but not "get your tits out") type comment.

I think it's important to differentiate. It's harmful to lump in brief flirty throwaways (from women to men as much as from men to women) with genuine harassment or assault.

I'm 43 and remember being catcalled from men in vans etc while age 16/17 at school! I didn't enjoy it no, but wasn't that offended either.

A bit younger than the group you are asking but my answer is yes, but only if they were good looking🙈

I didn't mind it when I was younger, sometimes it was flattering, but only if it was younger men driving past etc- I wouldn't have liked a bit group of men at a building site catcalling that would be intimidating. I'm 36.

@Snackingandacupoftea no-one on here has said it's the same.
I certainly haven't, and I can't see that anyone else has.

I hated it - used to change my route/cross the road to avoid building sites. I didn't feel flattered at all - it was very threatening.

About 40 years ago I had a hospital appointment with a consultant. There was no nurse present ,I did not think that was an issue. I was told to strip to my underwear ,which I did. I was told to sit on the couch with my legs dangling ( I am not very big and remember feeling rather stupid and I guess ,vulnerable) .The doctor then ran his hand down my back which turned into him stroking me. He then complimented me on my underwear. My reaction now would be very different but at that time I was having unexplained neurological issues ,had a young baby and was very worried.
My friend was waiting for me in the waiting room . I rushed us out of there . It was the misuse of his power that upset me so much .I felt like an object .

Same lol I still am if it happens.
Life's too short to be offended by it.

I'm 56. I hated it. Ditto: 'cheer up luv, smile luv, don't get many of those to a pound', etc etc All men bothering me when I was trying to go about my day. It was a trap too. Ignoring then makes you a 'stuck up bitch'. Smiling is 'leading them on'. Smart retort 'invites' violence. You can't win. Just horrible.

I liked it. High school mid 1980s.

I am the same age. I have exactly the same feelings as heldinadream. I always hated it. Always thought it was threatening and disgusting.

Never bothered me!

some teens shouted milf at me a couple of month ago & that bothered me more!

No, it was fucking awful.

I'm 52 and I found it predatorial. It was usually white man van or groups of men whistling etc. Come ere darling, give us a smile sort of thing which made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.

There was one occasion which frightened me more than most when I walking across the campus of 6th form and a man walking in the opposite direction said as I walked past that he could smell me. That freaked me out a bit tbh.

No, I hated it.

I'm only just 55 though. Maybe the slightly older women viewed it as reflecting just about the only power they had?

When it was a wolf whistle, or a throw away comment, nothing too graphic. I did used to just laugh, and take it as a compliment. Like bored builders reacting to me being young and pretty and wearing a short skirt. Nothing deeper.
Now I think it's totally not acceptable. I guess back then I didn't really understand misogyny and sexual inequality as much as I do now.

I was in my 20s and walked in to my work building and the workmen outside, doing construction for my building and one did loudly say ‘things are looking up lads’, I did not mind that as it was low grade, until I heard that they said various things to other women inc. she’s ugly or smile etc, and I was a manager so I told security to tell them I would report it to their employer. I thought that they’d not take that seriously but it would at least stop. Next day not a peep. This was 25 years ago.

It's not the same, no, but when you do this to a stranger, you are forcing them into an exchange of a nature they haven't asked for and might not appreciate. It's a passing judgement on someone's appearance by a total stranger.

It's great that YOU didn't/don't mind it. It's rather inconsiderate, don't you think, to impose it on a random stranger who doesn't have a choice to not hear it and might have their own reasons for feeling very differently about it? If they mind, there isn't much they can do about it after you have said it/whistled, is there?

Fine if it's among your social circles and you are all comfortable with it. Not fine to total strangers who may just not want to hear it for the tenth time on their way to Sainsbury's.

I’m mid 40s - I know the correct answer is it’s wrong / intimidating / objectifying but I have to admit I quite liked it - but I do have terrible taste in men!

I am simply telling you how women responded to verbal flirting even if it is just "sounds".

I am not sure what loonatic bundled up whistling, gropping and stalking. Bizarre

I’m 38. Back when I was maybe 23, I went to a whole day of classes at law school wearing this extremely cute short skirt and wedge heels. The skirt was short but not inappropriately so, looked extremely flattering, and my legs looked particularly fantastic. It had just warmed up and I’d spent months wearing trousers, so I was especially excited. And despite the fact that it was the cutest thing I’d ever worn to class, no one said, “I like your outfit” or “I like your skirt,” which would have been a normal, non-controversial thing for a female classmate to say to another female classmate. I was a little discouraged.

Then after class, I had to walk to a store to pick up something, and out of nowhere I heard someone whistle at me. I couldn’t see who it was, but it was definitely at me. I grinned. I generally didn’t think I looked incredibly cute and attractive, but I did on that particular day, and I was happy that someone actually noticed.

If the whistler had been right near me or said something gross, I would have been offended, but that didn’t happen.

I definitely didn't like it!

It wasn't a compliment, it was just stupid men trying to intimidate young women (and girls).

The connection is that all those things are unwanted attention. Varying degrees, yes, but the key word in the quoted Wikipedia statement is unwanted.

As a very young teenager (13-15) I was sexually harrassed ( as I realised later) by a young man who was about 18-20. There was a group of teen boys with a few older ones who used to hang around the streets in the area I lived. This particular one used to shout sexual stuff at me every time saw me. It was along the lines of what he was going to do to me when I turned 16, how gorgeous and sexy I was but I was jail bait etc. It was terrifying & so intimidating.
I remember one time he saw me in a local shopping centre & started his usual taunts. The place was so busy & I felt the disapproving looks and judgement of all the old ladies out shopping! Made me feel I was the problem not him ! This was mid 80s.
He was the most serious offender but it happened all the time even in school. Certainly didn’t make me feel pretty or flattered. It was disgusting! I did get the impression from adults that girls should just laugh it off and feel flattered that they were attractive !

This. Also 61.