Did women used to enjoy being catcalled?

[Gofastboatsmojito]

Hi,

Filtering a recent discussion with my stepmum I just wanted to survey the 55+ year olds of mumsnet to check whether I'm way off.

She is absolutely insistent that in her youth women (most? all?) enjoyed being whistled or shouted appreciatively at when waking past a building site.

She thinks women's perception of this has changed in the last 20 years. All her friends enjoyed it in the 70s and 80s apparently.

For context she has been the subject of male violence including sexual violence and does not equate the two.

I find it hard to believe everyone enjoyed it and assume that women felt a lot less able to say they didn't like it due to fear of being called frigid, uptight etc.

I'm sure the answer might lie somewhere between the two extremes but just wondering what an AIBU poll might say.

V grateful if women of age 55+ only vote

YABU = in my youth the majority of women I knew considered a wolf whistle as a cheeky but welcome compliment

YANBU = I didn't enjoy this even in the 70s

It's really hard to explain what it was like in the 60's and 70's as a young woman to todays young woman. I often have this conversation with my daughter. The general view was that attention from men was to be aspired to and flattering, whether it was wolf whistles or leering bosses. I can still see this attitude in my mother and Mil.

We were second class and valued for our decorative qualities. Of course I secretly hated mens comments, but it was just another thing that made me feel different and odd. Even today my mother cannot comprehend why I didn't change my name on marriage. I mean why wouldn't I want to be seen to be "chosen" by a man.

Looking back on it it was like we were brainwashed and now we have woken up.

I took it as a compliment when I was 14, hated it when I grew up and realised what was happening..

Despite being plastered in make up and mini-skirted I was very innocent at 14 and thought the leers were friendly smiles so I'd smile back.

I’m definitely not 55+, but I’ve had whistles/beeps etc in my younger days. I don’t think I ever found it disturbing and was usually pretty flattered.

I can definitely see it depending on the context though.

I worked as a temp in the 90s and there was no avoiding that how I looked and how charming I was, was part of the job. But honestly if the right man paid me a genuinely nice compliment in a nice way, well I was single and what if someone did want to take me out, what was so bad about that? It’s not the approach, it’s the style of the approach and what they think they’re owed (if anything) and what happens if you say no. Far too many married men were not just flirting but definitely up for some kind of action and definitely considered item of the perks of working a big job in London while wifey was safely stashed in the Home Counties somewhere. I thought those guys were grim but to be fair they usually didn’t take much discouragement to move on

Actresses like the late Barbara Windsor ( one example) didn't help as they were seen as enjoying the ' male gaze' in their films and I often wished I looked like her as she was so cute ( and Britt Eckland ) that type of figure and personality. I was thinner back then , but too tall , but not quite good looking / cute enough etc. Adds to not having enough self esteem.
I don't think today's young women think like this as much ? No idea though

I'm 56 it didn't bother me.

60 plus here .No never liked it .Seemed derogatory and demeaning to me ,I was quite shy and wanted to die! Years ago, my DGM had a friend in the 20s who was "expecting"(pregnant akin to a rude word back then) and was embarrassed to walk past the builders .Crossed over the road ,and tripped falling into the hole there .Lost her baby very sad

@achipandachair - no-one is talking about compliments. There's nothing wrong with a genuine compliment. If you read the thread you'll see what women's (and girls') experience of male harassment is.

No never liked it.

It was always sleazy and degrading

Some women got money and fame from the culture of the day. Same as Page Three Girls, etc.

I took a wolf whistle as a compliment but not more specific catcalling ( nice tits etc) which was more threatening and embarrassing. A wolf whistle just felt like a little confidence boost. Things have changed a lot. Behaviour in the workplace is very different.

Oh yes, page three ! That was seen as glamorous and a bit of fun ! Took a while to be stopped.
My feelings on that are mixed to be fair , but the past is a different place isn't it!

In my 20's i liked a wolf whistle but this was in the mid 80's and i never felt unsafe

A lot of women still love it.
When I was mid 20s I did really good cat sound so on few occasions when I meowed to a friend in a bussy place you could see a lot of women turning around, adjusting hair and giggling.
Some made very clear remarks how they "still got it" etc.
Age 18-58.

I find playfull catcalling and light banter a nice thing.
But also I am a big flirt with bith genders, althoygh I don't have any motives to make it pass flirt stage.

but I never experienced a cat call as meowing?????

This

God no! I’d taken a different route to avoid it. Also didn’t enjoy men (my boss, eew) talking to my breasts of “accidentally” touching my backside on trans, in lifts, etc.

Though I did learn how to effectively handle it with words.

I hope times have changed? (I’m 60 now and invisible so don’t know 😁)

Maybe if we had, we might have put a stop to it earlier.

Catcalling is one of those things that can be flattering or threatening.
I enjoyed the flattering ones and hated the intimidating & crude ones.

So I don’t think it is a case that some women enjoy catcalls and most do not, it isn’t woman dependent, it depends imho entirely on the nature of the catcall? Where and when you are, whether alone or in a group? Who & how many men? Their body language and if it’s accompanied with leering and crude gesturing or not?

I'm 43. I used to take it as a compliment but I had very low self esteem. What made me open my eyes was being cat called by drunk men on my way home from work after pub closing. Rather then just whistle and make comments they would progress onto threatening to rape me for not replying to them, or whatever it was they thought I should be doing in return. That was really intimidating.

The 1960s/70s are worlds away and mostly for the better. I had the usual run of whistling, which didn’t bother me and groping, lewd comments, which did.

This may sound controversial, but after the necessary backlash against this behaviour, some men have told me they are now frightened to innocently flirt with someone they are interested in, for fear of coming over as a letch or pervert.
Its sad to think some relationships have never got off the ground through this.

This may sound controversial, but after the necessary backlash against this behaviour, some men have told me they are now frightened to innocently flirt with someone they are interested in, for fear of coming over as a letch or pervert.
Its sad to think some relationships have never got off the ground through this.

And yet the world still turns and relationships flourish. Flirting still goes on, the world over.

If these inadequate men need cat-calling and whistling at women to 'get one' then they don't deserve one at all. It's not at all sad to think of those 'left by the wayside'.

YANBU. I'm 63 now and I agree with previous posters - the 70's were horrible for this. In fact, I remember getting catcalled before my 10th birthday as I started to develop.
Most of the men who did it were leering, entitled and offensive.

Depends.

Just a whistle or a horn beeped - I liked it. I too had low self esteem and a diet of magazines / society telling me my role was to look pretty for the male gaze.
So I thought I was getting there.

If comments were verbal, no idea what to say, head down and dreaded any nasty comment because I wasn't grateful enough.

Hated it. Never knew how to respond. If I smiled it could invite further unwanted comments and if I ignored it,it led to comments that I was miserable . It was 1960s/ early 1970s .