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Mormon wives

135 replies

Stepawayfromthefridgenow · 06/09/2024 22:07

Watching this show ‘The secret lives of Mormon wives’ I had no idea their lives were like that or allowed to be.
Anyone Mormon here or know any Mormons?

OP posts:
RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 07/09/2024 08:50

TheChosenTwo · 07/09/2024 06:56

I worked with a mormon lady for years. Had no idea she was Mormon until I drew her name in secret Santa and bought her a bottle of gin - someone else pointed out that she couldn’t drink it because she was Mormon! Had no idea because she didn’t bring that side of her to work I guess, other than saying she’d been to church over the weekend - but there are lots of different types of church!
Nothing remotely different about her.

What a stupid present to get for someone you had had no conversations about alcohol and her alcohol preferences with.

Why would you even assume that she likes gin enough to present her with a bottle of it!?

BalmyLemons · 07/09/2024 08:58

I have Mormon friends and family. Mormons are always lovely as they're commanded to be, to show the religion in a good light. If you're unhappy or struggling it's because you're not a good Mormon so god is punishing you. It means they can't talk about problems with other Mormons.

Women are told they can't go into the upper part of heaven unless they fulfil their role as a wife and mother. A family member believes if she goes to temple every day and prays she will one day get a husband and child as they told her this when she was baptised. (They tell you your 'future' when you're baptised. You'll get married and have children seems to be the main theme!) She is in her late 50s and has learning disabilities but she is still convinced so off she goes every day.

My friend had almost died with each of her 4 pregnancies and had been told another would probably kill her due to all the scar tissue from her caesareans. She still had to go and get permission from a man at her church who decided that on balance, her current children would be better off with her than without her so gave her permission to go on the pill.

I just want to add a few things... until the 1970s black people were told they could only get into Mormon heaven if they signed a contract to be a slave to a white person once there. You can be gay but you still have to marry and procreate with a member of the opposite sex! Shunning is a thing but it is not commanded. Magic underwear. And look up 'soaking' if you fancy a laugh!

Misthios · 07/09/2024 08:59

I know several Mormons, one is a good friend. It's like any reality show - you wouldn't think that Love Island is representative of your average British 20 something, would you?

The main difference between my Mormon friends and me is that they generally get married younger, straight after Uni rather than in their late 20s or early 30s. They have more children, one has 7, one has 4, the other has 5. They are more likely to be SAHM or work self-employed from home. One of my friends has her own successful graphic design business, another has a hand-dye knitting yarn online business. They are very family-focused as I suppose you have to be with so many kids and by extension so many grandkids as they grow up. They are friendly, warm and very good company despite not drinking alcohol!

Polygamy is not allowed in the LDS church, it's an off-shoot sect which practises this.

OVienna · 07/09/2024 09:04

Ofthemall · 06/09/2024 23:25

I’d love to be a mormon (can you just become one or do you have to be born into it / marry into it?!) but I love coffee too much so I don’t think they’d want me 😂

They most certainly accept new recruits. If you're at all family research you'll see they posthumously baptise people too.

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 09:04

ncforcatquestion · 06/09/2024 23:54

I think it looks like a good life. I would have liked to be able to stay home with lots of kids, cooking, dressmaking and making jam

You realise nothing is stopping you from doing that without being a Mormon?

BalmyLemons · 07/09/2024 09:04

Misthios · 07/09/2024 08:59

I know several Mormons, one is a good friend. It's like any reality show - you wouldn't think that Love Island is representative of your average British 20 something, would you?

The main difference between my Mormon friends and me is that they generally get married younger, straight after Uni rather than in their late 20s or early 30s. They have more children, one has 7, one has 4, the other has 5. They are more likely to be SAHM or work self-employed from home. One of my friends has her own successful graphic design business, another has a hand-dye knitting yarn online business. They are very family-focused as I suppose you have to be with so many kids and by extension so many grandkids as they grow up. They are friendly, warm and very good company despite not drinking alcohol!

Polygamy is not allowed in the LDS church, it's an off-shoot sect which practises this.

This reminds me, polygamy is only no longer allowed as the US government said they would take all their land if they didn't ban it. And suddenly god gave the prophet (they still believe god talks to them via a living prophet who always seems to be an old white guy for some reason) a new revelation that polygamy was no longer permitted or commanded!

MysweetAudrina · 07/09/2024 09:07

I converted to Mormonism and was very active for 10 years. The people are lovely in general. I am still good friends with a lot of members. There was never any issues with me leaving and no one disowned or disfellowshiped me. There are a lot of good teachings in the Church and then some others I struggled with. I wore the garments. Men wear them too. I worked full time and studied and had a family. Never any issues and most women work and are very educated. I met lots of Utah raised Mormon families and thought they were genuinely good people. I didn't smoke, drink etc for the 10 years but found that part liberating and gained so much personally from developing my personality without the aid of props. I have never been anti gay or anti abortion but it is definitely difficult for teens who may be struggling with their sexuality to grow up with the teachings.

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 09:08

I went to a Mormon wedding once, it was so bizarre to see a large group of adults going hard on the pick and mix as a replacement for alcohol.

OVienna · 07/09/2024 09:09

Haggia · 07/09/2024 08:35

No coffee???

Whats the point of having a sister-wife if she can’t make you a coffee?

😃

eggplant16 · 07/09/2024 09:09

There seem to be parallels with other religions run by old men.
Lack of freedom, thought control, emphasis on breeding.

Hideous.

Where do they make their money?

KateMiskin · 07/09/2024 09:10

All mainstream religions are mostly run by old men.

Waltermittyslilsis · 07/09/2024 09:12

Ofthemall · 06/09/2024 23:25

I’d love to be a mormon (can you just become one or do you have to be born into it / marry into it?!) but I love coffee too much so I don’t think they’d want me 😂

You would? You’re aware the religion is pretty racist right? Joseph smith visited by one of the ‘ good white native Americans’, there’s also the girls guilted into child marriage

Misthios · 07/09/2024 09:13

To add - my friend with the 7 kids has one older son who is no longer part of the church and she still has a strong relationship with him, definitely no shunning going on.

She doesn't drink hot coffee or alcohol but does drink decaff coffee, tea, and Coke/Pepsi - apparently the caffeine is OK because it's not hot?

One of the main differences is the way they manage celebrations and events - with 7 kids and multiple grandchildren Christmas is a major event as is Thanksgiving, so there's none of the crazy amounts of presents, santa trains, huge parties for weddings/engagements/birthdays. My friend's DD got married recently and the two sets of parents hosted the wedding celebrations at home with barbecue and ice cream trucks rather than hiring a hotel and shelling out ££££ per person.

ncforcatquestion · 07/09/2024 09:15

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 09:04

You realise nothing is stopping you from doing that without being a Mormon?

No, I suppose not. To be more exact, I would like to have found a man with traditional family values, which seems rare to find in our culture

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 09:16

eggplant16 · 07/09/2024 09:09

There seem to be parallels with other religions run by old men.
Lack of freedom, thought control, emphasis on breeding.

Hideous.

Where do they make their money?

The followers or the church?
The followers work in the normal world, it’s not like the Amish who cut themselves off.
Members of the Mormon church must give tithe to the church, 10% of all their earnings.

RampantIvy · 07/09/2024 09:16

apparently the caffeine is OK because it's not hot?

Oh, that's interesting. My mormon cousin drinks diet coke/pepsi

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 09:19

ncforcatquestion · 07/09/2024 09:15

No, I suppose not. To be more exact, I would like to have found a man with traditional family values, which seems rare to find in our culture

And yet a huge proportion of mothers in the uk still stay home with their children.

Superworm24 · 07/09/2024 09:25

I'm going off on a tangent here but has anyone else seen "under the banner of heaven". I loved it and would completely recommend. Seeing Andrew Garfields' character going through some revelations about the religion was really interesting.

I used to work with a lady who was Mormon. The whole family were lovely and her husband treated her better than most I have met. I think like most religions there will always be extremists and those would use it as an excuse to treat family/spouses badly and control them.

Misthios · 07/09/2024 09:26

Also agree that education is seen as super important for girls and women, it's not like other cultures where education is seen as pointless for women past a certain age. There is a "Mormon" university called BYU in Utah which has a very good educational reputation, if you are a member of the LDS church you pay 50% of the tuition fees compared with non-LDS members. So most of the students are Mormon and this is where a lot of young people meet their husbands/wives.

KimberleyClark · 07/09/2024 09:29

Out of interest are Mormons creationists?

3WildOnes · 07/09/2024 09:38

Misthios · 07/09/2024 09:26

Also agree that education is seen as super important for girls and women, it's not like other cultures where education is seen as pointless for women past a certain age. There is a "Mormon" university called BYU in Utah which has a very good educational reputation, if you are a member of the LDS church you pay 50% of the tuition fees compared with non-LDS members. So most of the students are Mormon and this is where a lot of young people meet their husbands/wives.

You can get expelled from BYU if they discover you have had pre martial sex. Less likely if you are male, pretty certain if you are female.

Misthios · 07/09/2024 09:41

But if you are a LDS member who follows their teachings, pre-marital sex isn't something you'd be interested in doing.

RedToothBrush · 07/09/2024 09:42

I've been tracing my family history and descendants and seeing who my distantly related cousins are.

There's a section of my Dad's family which went over to Utah from Yorkshire in the 1860s. They were initially practicing poligamy. There's an obituary and story of their journey which is fascinating.

I've traced their descendants down. Many of them have obituaries too. And they make for fascinating reading.

I've not come across any since the first wave who were poligamists. They had a LOT of children. Some stayed in Utah and stayed Mormons. Many moved to new areas as Mormons. Many have up Mormonism (but still had obituaries).

There are a LOT of divorces in recent years. Still lots of children but less than there were. And there are many educated women. They tended to marry younger and still do. They have really weird names - many trying to sound slightly french but not french. Lots have had the opportunity to live abroad which a lot of other American cousins who didn't go into Mormonism haven't had (again obituaries are fascinating).

The obituaries of Mormon descendants are often written in a certain style. Even for those who left the faith.

It's given a different angle on my understanding of Mormonism. There are a lot of stereotypes that both the church and people who dislike the church want to put out there - as well as the stereotypes that tabloid TV wants to create to cash in on curiosity about Mormonism.

It's like any other political or religious structure. It's got corruption and abuses of power. Perhaps more than some other ways of life. It's got sexism and homophobia. But again others have it and it's definitely something that changing.

Imagine Dragons are a Mormon band. They have been working to support gay Mormons and non Mormons in Utah and we're part of a big music concert there for this cause. They made a documentary called Believer about it. Which possibly is one of the most reflective media representations of Mormonism currently. This forced the church to put out a statement supporting the effort "to foster a community of inclusion in which no one is mistreated because of who they are or what they believe."

Yes the belief structure and power system is very problematic, but it also has a certain ability to be more pragmatic than other religions too. And because they have so many kids so young, it also means that youth perhaps has a certain amount of influence that isn't necessarily reflected in how we think of Mormonism from the outside too. Purely because of numbers and faster generational turnover.

I think it's worth watching Banner of Heaven too. There is clearly a darker underside. But I don't think that's wildly different to say the Catholic Church either. Mormonism is more vulnerable to cults because of the nature of its beliefs though. I think like all evangelical faiths, it can exploit the vulnerability of people in the way it recruits. But it also clearly gives a massive sense of belonging, structure and community support which a lot of other communities have lost in both the UK and the US and is much needed by many.

I don't think it's inherently bad. I think it's just very very different. That doesn't mean I think it's without problems either.

Mooneywoo · 07/09/2024 09:44

Misthios · 07/09/2024 09:41

But if you are a LDS member who follows their teachings, pre-marital sex isn't something you'd be interested in doing.

Yeah, that’s how it works.

Just like if you were an LDS member, you couldn’t possibly be gay.

poppyzbrite4 · 07/09/2024 09:50

ncforcatquestion · 07/09/2024 00:00

But you could argue that we don't really have a choice the other way around. To be a mother means nothing in this society

You can certainly argue anything. In the UK for example, you don't have to have children. You can choose to work, you can take maternity pay to stay at home, if you have a supportive partner, you could be a stay at home mother.

My question is: do these women have a choice? Can they get full time jobs? Put their children in childcare? Can they choose not to have children? Are chores equally split or are they expected to do everything?

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