My baby is a year old and has never met his dad as he left me when I was pregnant for someone else and moved to the US afterwards. We've been in touch but it's not been very consistent especially on his side. He says he loves his son but he's only done a handfull of video calls with him and not provided anything financially. I often question why either of us bother and I've kept it to only responding when he reaches out.
Now I'm going to the US for work next month and I mentioned this to him and he suggested I brought my son and let him look after him while I'm working. However he lives in New York and the event is in Florida. I was tentative but I'm still breastfeeding and co-sleeping so I thought well this way if he takes him in the daytime I can carry on breastfeeding and co-sleeping at night.
However when I said this to my ex, he was annoyed and he said Florida is too far and he expected me to drop our son off in New York and leave him there for 4 or 5 days and then pick him up on the way back. He said he wants quality time with him including overnight and that I'm being unreasonable to deny him this as his parent. That I need to stop breastfeeding and it's not hard.
I'm assuming I'm not unreasonable, but just want to sanity check. Although he's his dad, he chose to leave and my son doesn't know him. I think my son would be distraught if I just left him with essentially a stranger even if he is his dad. I thought it was a big deal to leave him with him in the daytime as it was. I don't want to be accused of being the sort of mum who keeps my child from his father, but I thought offering him to either meet us in Florida or to stop in New York on the way there (so they could meet with my supervision) is very reasonable, especially given his lack of effort thusfar. I'm not saying never but now I think my son is too young and his father a stranger to him.
My ex is not a US citizen and can't travel out of the US currently to do with visas. He claims he has parental rights but he's not on the birth certificate and my son has my name. Presumably he can't exert rights over my son there as a non-US citizen. His partner has always seemed extremely hostile and has openly said negative things about the existance of our son throughout my pregnancy and thereafter which have gotten back to me.
I know people leave young babies with ex's and their partners all the time and I'd love to facilitate a relationship with his dad but AIBU to think his expectations are unreasonable?