DSS looking after DDs on dads weekend

[LimeUser]

My XH and I split just over a year ago and we have x3 DDs (11, 8, 8). He has them every other weekend at his house. Him and his gfrnd are away next Friday night and he’s asked DSS (20) to collect the girls from school and have them overnight until they get back late Saturday night. I’ve also found out that XH gfrnds DS (18) who I’ve never met will also be there. AIBU about not being comfortable with this? I’m away next weekend so I can’t have them but I just worry so much when they are away. I trust DSS and have known him since he was 3, he’s a great kid but he has no experience of childcare or young children. Would he know what to do in an emergency etc. I don’t have a great relationship with XH and we have no parenting plan. He says I’m being controlling and I guess I am but the girls have never been left before other than a parent or grandparent overnight. Am I overthinking this??

You’re overthinking this - at those ages they can pretty much fend for themselves anyway so really all they need is a sensible older person in the house in case of an emergency!!

Girls are old enough that they'll be fine and can call u if not. Different if just toddlers

I thinking I'd probably be OK.with the 11yr old but not all 3 with 2 aged 8.

Don't think that's fair on the DSS.

Though they'll probably have a brilliant time.

Thank you - it’s so helpful to have an objective opinion on this. I’m trying to detach my emotions from this and adjust to the new norm but I’m a terrible over thinker 🤣🤣

They will all have a great time.

It's only 1 night, and he does have experience of kids, he's an older brother.

I do feel like my XH has kinda dumped this on my DSS! But hopefully only 1 night and they’ll have a good time

Yeah they will be fine. Dont panic. Make sure one of the kids have your number too just incase

It’s none of your business who he asks to babysit on his time. He’s arranged child care

Random men looking after young girls, this never ever causes problems!

I don't agree that 8 year olds can fend for themselves.

I wouldn't like this either OP but I'm not sure what you can do.

As a step-mum to teens, with two young DDs, if DH and I split and he did this, I would not be happy. Not even considering the fact he only has them every other weekend, so could have chosen plenty of other times to go away, he won't see his DDs for 3 weeks now. But no, I wouldn't be comfortable with DSS's girlfriend who I hadn't met being there with my 3 children no matter the age. Plus, 3 is hard for a 20 year old. How close are you to DSS could you message him for updates? Sorry to say, OP but if this was me I'd cancel my plans and have them home. It's really shit of their dad.

Sorry just seen this is only for 1 night which does make it better. I'd still be tempted to have them home and they go to dad's on Saturday when he's there though.

I'd be slightly worried about the 18 year old boy/ man you've never met, especially in the context of two 18 year olds having the house "to themselves" and potentially inviting friends you also don't know over... Or just making a thoughtless social media or in person comment about parents being away and having univited guests and not the wherewithal to say no.

I'm a parent of lovely sensible older teenagers but I know how vulnerable to peer pressure they can sometimes be, and wouldn't feel comfortable in this context that the three little girls won't end up in a house with not just lovely step brother and his dad's girlfriend's son but also several of their/ the girlfriend's son's friends or even a house party kicking off.

I'd be cancelling my plans to be away in your shoes tbh because even if the boys are lovely you've never met one of them.

He's not a random man and the OP has known him since he was 3.

Whilst I don't see an issue with DSS looking after the children I would absolutely not be able to trust the girlfriend's son around my three young daughters overnight - especially as you've never met him?

Arghh so sorry hadn't read properly. I thought it was DSS girlfriend, but it's a male friend. 100% no way.

No way would I want a random teenage boy babysitting my three little girls unsupervised by anyone other than their big half brother. Sorry maybe it’s not PC today but I can think of umpteen things that could go wrong.

And FWIW I wouldn’t be keen on a 20 year old babysitting two 8 year olds and an 11 year old overnight even it was their older sister. (But keener that it being their brother)

Just to add my XH response would be that his gfrnds DS knows my DDs and has been on holiday with them etc. I know why my XH has done it like this - moral support for my DSS not having to look after x3 kids on his own! Plus my XH knows the lad quite well now and my DDs do as well. It’s just I’ve never met him or his mum for that matter!

They will most likely have a blast.

Sorry prob not explained properly. My now XH had a son from a previous marriage before I met him. We then had x3 DDs together before he left me for this new woman

@alittlebitalexis1 "random men" - you mean the girls HALF BROTHER !
Hardly random.
And the other boy/man is the ex husbands Step son - so not random to the ex.
Or to the girls. They know him. He is their step brother.

You know the older lad really well and presumably, even with the slightly younger one there that you don't know, older one will be in charge. Sounds like you have no issues with him and trust him so....trust him.

Make sure your children have a way to contact you and if possible let the older lad know he can also contact you if needed.

You don't really get to dictate to ex how he parents during his time (within reason) and he is away for the night, you are also away. So I guess the only way to stop this is for you to get ex to agree to swap weekends and you not go away, which seems a bit much.