DSS looking after DDs on dads weekend

[LimeUser]

My XH and I split just over a year ago and we have x3 DDs (11, 8, 8). He has them every other weekend at his house. Him and his gfrnd are away next Friday night and he’s asked DSS (20) to collect the girls from school and have them overnight until they get back late Saturday night. I’ve also found out that XH gfrnds DS (18) who I’ve never met will also be there. AIBU about not being comfortable with this? I’m away next weekend so I can’t have them but I just worry so much when they are away. I trust DSS and have known him since he was 3, he’s a great kid but he has no experience of childcare or young children. Would he know what to do in an emergency etc. I don’t have a great relationship with XH and we have no parenting plan. He says I’m being controlling and I guess I am but the girls have never been left before other than a parent or grandparent overnight. Am I overthinking this??

Absolutely - McDonald’s and too much sugar I’m sure!!

@LimeUser is there time to meet the step son (and his mum) before this happens?
Just a friendly meeting.
It's in the best interest of your girls for all the adults in their lives to get on (or at least be civil) with each other.
Or even just a phone call chat.

Random men? He's their brother!

Absolutely not.

No way.

How do the girls feel about it OP? Do they know the son of your ex's gf or just their HB? If they don't already know him, I wouldn't be happy. I'd rather just their HB looked after them on his own (which I think is fine).

Step brother

Random men? You mean their brother?

No, he isn’t. He is OP’s ex husband’s son, making him the biological half brother of her daughters.

1/2 sibling - Dad's son

Step/half brother. Who now only sees them every other weekend and for some reason his new half brother/whatever his girfriends son is now involved.

The girlfriends son is a "step brother"? And I don't care. Half brother is removed enough for me to be uncomfortable

Well, if he lives there do you expect him to be kicked out for the night because his younger stepsisters are staying?

Step/half isn’t the same thing, I don’t know how else to explain it to you if you don’t already understand something that is really quite simple.

No I think the children's actual parent should parent. There's no need for girlfriends son to be babysitting

What a nasty attitude. My little brother is technically my ‘half’ brother because we don’t have the same Mum, but neither of us have ever used the word ‘half’. He’s just my brother.

They're her children!

Of course it's her business even though she doesn't get a say.

She's allowed to be concerned

@carrotcard so if the OP and her ex hadn't split up and they were still living together with the 20 year plus the 3 girls would you still be uncomfortable with the 20 year old looking after his half siblings.
He probably helped feed and change the twins when they were babies.
He is their brother.

But he won’t be? The brother of the girls will be looking after them. The stepbrother will just be home because he lives there.

If these were all full siblings and the 2 boys (ok men) refused to babysit their younger sisters for one night there would probably be a thread on here about "how selfish are my sons not to help me".
This is just a blended family. A family.

@LimeUser

itll be fine. I'm sure she's more than able to keep an eye on your girls, they don't need much except feeding and McDonald's seems to be sorting that out,

it's not like they are 4 & 1+1

all the nonsense about them being male is bonkers. If they were the type to abuse young girls they wouldn't need to wait until ExH went away for one night. If the girls are comfortable with it, then don't worry.

i'm surprised he's even told you in advance.

No brother. He's the OP's ex-stepson. They all have the same dad.

WTF? I guess I need to tell my DSD I was obviously putting my dds in danger all those times she babysat because she is only their "half" sister and far more removed than they are from each other. God help any stepchildren in your family!

My DSS the half brother to my x3 DDs. Just to clarify he doesn’t live with my XH - we would see him maybe once a month. My girls see him about this now I think. They love him to bits and have a great time with him but he’s a fun big brother - he’s never minded them before let alone overnight. I’m sure they’ll be fine but my DSS has lived as an ‘only’ child with his mum so not used to younger children as much

He isn't though, he lives there. Should he have to spend the night elsewhere because his stepbrother is babysitting?

I think this totally depends on the DSS. I would happily have left my 2 with my eldest SS at that age but definitely not my youngest SS (both now adults) as he can’t even be relied on to look after (and feed!) the dog his mum has left with him while she’s away for a week.

Yes to this. It is very much the business of the mother who looks after the children.

When my exH and I divorced we had a clause in the visitation agreement to the effect that if one parent was to be away for more than two hours the other would be the first to be asked to step in.

I suggest you talk to your ex about getting such an agreement.

I would not consent to my children being there if the girlfriend's son is to be present.

Who else might show up while the mother is away?