To feel resentful over paying child maintenance

[kittycats100]

I know I'm being unreasonable but hear me out. I've been the full time parent since me and DA dad split up when he was 2. DS goes to dad every other weekend and half holidays. Over the years child maintenance payments have varied from his dad paying nothing on the beginning to then me getting some CMA. The first years was £120, it went up to £300 for a year then back down to £120, there was two years I was getting nothing and some years of around £100. Currently it's £55. From secondary school, DS will be living with his dad most of the week so I'll be liable for child maintenance and I'm sure he will claim from me. I've just done a calculation and it's worked out I'll have to pay £450 p/m. I feel really resentful by this because I'll pay it with no drama but I had to struggle along for 8 years with no help with anything other than the CMA amount.

I need to come to terms with this and just accept it's for my son but it's really pissing me off. I had a convo with my partner about this and he thinks it's only fair as I claimed against my ex which has annoyed me even more.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to feel like this?

OP, is your DS only staying 5 nights a week in term time, then back with you for the holidays?
You might find over the year it's a lot more even than you think. CMS calculations are over the whole year and college holidays are long!

I don't understand why you are planning to pay for uniform and school trips etc? Yes, you need to pay the maintenance, but your ex has clearly established the expectation that the resident parent pays for uniform and all school related expenses.

Try to find a property you can use a wheelchair in if you exclude social housing.

As for, 'limited income', you realise HA properties charge the same rent as local private rents?

I'm in a HA property, two bedrooms one bathroom, the council houses that back on to me are 50% of my rent and have 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a huge garden.

As for PP, pay the maintenance but make it clear he pays for the uniform and all school things. The problem comes though if he refuses and you don’t want your child to suffer.
The child maintenance calculator says “What is the other parent’s total taxable income?
This is their total taxable income after pension contributions, but before tax and National Insurance.” So by paying more into your pension you can reduce child maintenance payments.

65k makes you very wealthy? Maybe in the North East,

This sort of comment makes me laugh. Housing may be cheaper in the North East, but everything else costs pretty much the same, it's much colder so heating costs are higher, if you live in rural Northumberland services are poor. £65k is £65k, it's not enough to qualify as wealthy.

As for the people who think social housing is for 'poor' people, it's for everyone. I suppose you'd all evict my DF's next door neighbour? A single man in his 50s who took over the tenancy on his family home after the death of his parents? A home they've paid full rent on since the '60s. Where would he go? Some poky flat?

It goes off last years tax so if you didn't have this high paying job last year, you are safe for a year! X

On £65k a year and in social housing is an absolute joke

He'd go wherever he can afford to live?

In his home then. Where he pays full rent.

Why? She is paying full rent.

If a man suggested this, it would be classed as controlling.

I’m confused. If it’s full rent, why are people so desperate to keep hold of these tenancies? Particularly at the expense of a child going to a sub-par parent?

@TakeMeDancing so you have a secure place to live - private rent she could be thrown out over and over again and the rent increased

Just so I’m understanding correctly…if the rent isn’t going up alongside market rates, how is it full rent?

There should be a cap on all rent private and social.

You are wrong. CMS is taken from post-pension salary. Read it properly. Ensure 20-30% is paid into your pension to get you under the high rate tax band. Then recalculate

It's shocking how many people are telling OP how to reduce the amount of maintenance she has to pay.

The OP should build up her pension as her child care has prevented this in the past. She should pay in the maximum she can afford. If this reduces CM then good, she's had a raw deal and no one will support her when she retires.

Why? She's been unable to pay into a pension or build her career for the last 16 years.

Agree.

Losing the opportunity to get into the investment market now can't be rectified in future. She's already missed out hugely. Load as much as possible into the pension now.

It’s a secure tenancy. Until no-fault evictions are stopped, you can be given a couple of months notice to move- and in my area at least there is a huge imbalance between demand and supply, so no guarantee at all that there would be a suitable alternative available.

I double checked and yes I can pay more into pension and I will do the maximum amount I can. If that makes me an awful person, so be it! I have a pittance in my pension pot so it would be good to have that built up. I will keep trying to mutual exchange.
As much as is miss having my son around, my working hours are long and it would be nice to be able to go to work evening events without having to figure out childcare which has always been difficult. Maybe even go on some last minute mid week holidays!

I think this.

She clearly not going to let her son go without - she is talking about paying for extras already on top of the high maintenance she expects to pay.

Secure tenancy is currently huge thing. We rented 10 year before buying and having to have month and half rent for deposit + first month rent and moving costs in quickly accessible form because you can get just 2 months notice- that was hard and with rents so much higher now must be huge struggle.

Well - good luck to you and hope you do get the swap you need.

Oooh, this is a very good point OP... what was your wage the last tax year?