To feel resentful over paying child maintenance

[kittycats100]

I know I'm being unreasonable but hear me out. I've been the full time parent since me and DA dad split up when he was 2. DS goes to dad every other weekend and half holidays. Over the years child maintenance payments have varied from his dad paying nothing on the beginning to then me getting some CMA. The first years was £120, it went up to £300 for a year then back down to £120, there was two years I was getting nothing and some years of around £100. Currently it's £55. From secondary school, DS will be living with his dad most of the week so I'll be liable for child maintenance and I'm sure he will claim from me. I've just done a calculation and it's worked out I'll have to pay £450 p/m. I feel really resentful by this because I'll pay it with no drama but I had to struggle along for 8 years with no help with anything other than the CMA amount.

I need to come to terms with this and just accept it's for my son but it's really pissing me off. I had a convo with my partner about this and he thinks it's only fair as I claimed against my ex which has annoyed me even more.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to feel like this?

She's a productive, taxpaying citizen who is just as entitled to housing security as anyone else. HAs are not just for indigent people.

Hear hear. That is what matters and his behaviour is infuriating. I hope your boy gets fed up with his dad and comes back to you soon.

Hi OP. I totally get it. When your son does move in with his dad, if you haven’t managed to get an house exchange I would not be paying for uniform or anything like that. It can come out of CMS that his dad gets like it had to when you had him for longer. If you know he’ll manage and DS won’t suffer then that’s the only money that should be changing hands just like it was for you. You make sure he has what he needs when he’s with you (if that’s the weekends then that won’t include school uniform or school lunches) he can take on paying for trips etc, and he’ll struggle with that (currently paying a high school trip off for my daughter to NY which is over 2k!) he’ll soon realise how much money it takes to raise a child and might change his attitude toward you. My kids are 50/50 between me and their dad and have been since we split 6 years ago, and even though their dad earns a hell of a lot more than me we still pay for everything jointly (trips, tutors, extra curricular etc) and we both make sure they have everything they need at both houses so they aren’t lugging things back and forth. It works for us and seems the fairest way to do things. The way it’s been for you the last 8 years doesn’t seem fair at all 🙁

I know your son will suffer, but tell his dad all school expenses will be for him to pay from CSA payments. When you think how much food and school lunches cost and you will be saving that expense it won't be as much as dad thinks....
Bet he claims child benefit as well.
You need to see you had to do this so now he can.
Tell your son you will be paying for his treats and be the Disney mum for a change. Get him a bank account with a card and pay him some pocket money like £20, so you know only your child can spend it...