If your husband worked these hours how much help would you expect?

[Woister]

I am a SAHM. Dh works long hours. I basically do all the childcare and house work. In fairness when Dh is off he will take care of 85% of childcare ie take kids out swimming, bowling etc.

So the day before Dh got home a 8pm, then left the following day at 12pm to be home at 3 am. He will be leaving today at 12pm.

how much help would you expect from husband with these hours?

And if the sexes were reversed, they'd be considered abusive cock lodgers.

But how is he not doing 50 50 when he's doing 85% of childcare? How much housework is there!

I agree with this

None.

Most definitely.

Yes you do, you pay someone to look after your children for you

Well exactly! We simply enable ourselves to work by paying for childcare. I CERTAINLY don't need a SAHD to "enable" me to work - we just do it and sort ourselves out with childcare!

😂 So parenting 3 preschoolers at home while pregnant is being lazy and abusive now. Mumsnet really is wild sometimes 😂

the op has 2 school age kids and a baby.

Because my children don't tend to look after themselves and need parenting all day. Funny that.

Yeah it doesn't matter what you were before. At this point in time, you haven't worked in 9 years. And you actively wanted to be a SAHM, weren't forced into it. Now you're whining about the life you chose.

Of course he shouldn't be leaving bowls out etc if he could just put them in the dishwasher but why do you expect him to put a load on?

Understandably your surprise baby may be making things harder. But your older children have have been in school for a few years, you still didn't return to work.... Whatever were you doing with all that spare time before this?

Maybe you need to let some standards drop or get some outside help. If you'd been making everything from scratch for example until the baby was born, let it go until she's older. Everyone will survive

I was referring to the people who had quoted my previous posts.

You should have equal free time and time for self care tasks. Other than that I think it’s all hands on deck the rest of the time, within physical limits.

She HAS worked for 9 years. She’s worked really hard. Being a parent, if you are doing it well, is hard work with no sick leave, annual leave or time off. It’s exhausting. Especially when they are pre school.

3 of those years she had no children at home in the day time. It's not 9 years of hard work.

But also it sounds like you're resentful because you wanted a career instead of the tasks you do. That's not your husband's fault unless he forced you into having children. (I don't blame you, I couldn't live your life, it would drive me insane).

It sounds like you need to get childcare and a job, even if just part time. You don't actually do that much stuff, it's just very boring and inflexible so likely feels dragged out/divides your day up to make a lot of other things impossible.

She didn’t have kids home during the day for three years. 😂 Still didn’t go back to work. It’s not working hard.

I do most of this stuff…and I work four full days a week too. It’s part of having kids and running a house.

Tell him to put his stuff in the dishwasher. Ask him to chuck a load of washing in when his is done.

sorted.

I'd be wanting to help DH get another job asap.

This would piss me off too. I have a DH who works12h days Monday to Friday but at the weekends one of us will, eg, tidy the kitchen while the other puts the children to bed. It’s just not ok to do absolutely nothing and treat your partner like a maid

I don’t suppose he wants one. Or that another job would be anywhere as well paid. The person who needs a job is OP.

I was a SAHM with three children, for several years I had all 3 at home with me (eg Newborn, 1 year old and 3 year old). My husband works very long hours in a demanding job.

When the kids were very young I didn’t expect him to do anything on his work days, except do a bit of dishwasher, help with bedtime if he was back home in time. I tried to get all the jobs done Mon-Fri so there wasn’t as much to do at the weekend. I did all the laundry, including his work washing and ironing.

At the weekend I expected him to do 50/50, we both made sure that each other had a lie-in one day each.

Was it easy? No. Did I sometimes feel overwhelmed and exhausted? Yes. Did I sometimes feel resentment of him swanning off to what I perceived was his more “easy” life? Absolutely. I think it’s very easy to struggle in those years with a baby, to take each other for granted. Especially when you are sleep deprived and exhausted.

Looking after a household and kids is a 24/7 job. Both hands need to be on deck

Whdn ours were small,I'd much rather DH played with the kids than did housework, it's much better for family bonding, housework can wait till during the week.

If he is trained to be a pilot and this is what he wants to do, then why on earth should he get another job!? Just because his wife doesn’t want to work?

It's absolutely not.