For asking DH not to comment on DDs body

[PennyNotWise]

DH mentioned that 13yo DD is “getting more junk in her trunk” in front of her.
It went over her head so I didn’t make a big deal out of it at the time, just gave him a look! But later said can you please not do that, how would you feel if someone said your arse was getting big? And it’s not anyway, she’s just growing up!
(fwiw DD is very skinny but healthy, not that it matters)

He acted all shocked and confused and like I’m being ott. To be fair I have raging PMT but I’m pretty sure I’m right that this is not nice. Just need some back up! Maybe he was acting out of defence/guilt with me.

He sounds revolting

Oh dear god no, thats not ok, as she gets older her dad looking at and commenting on her body is going to give her the heebi jeebies. We’ve only talked about DD’s body in the context of health and never to her or in front of her.

It's such a weird comment for a dad to make

Not nice. My dad used to call me thunder thighs. I was size 8 and stopped horseriding as he said it was making by arse and legs big.

Every comment people make about her body as a teenager is going to make a tiny crack in her confidence. Hopefully the people she loves (you, DH etc) will have made her feel confident and feel safe to be confident about her body. Your DH commenting like that will shake that safe foundation. Why on earth would he say something like that?

What a repulsive comment to make. I'm sorry.

THANK YOU
Hes just a bit clueless and I think he feels bad now. I felt very defensive as I grew up thinking I was fat when I definitely wasn’t. And I want nothing but confidence for her. And it’s just not ok to talk about someone’s body!
I might see if there’s an article I can show him, I’m really surprised he doesn’t get this, I think he still sees her as his little toddler sometimes.

This is going to be one of those threads where 100% of people vote that your husband is a grotty little shit who should keep his thoughts inside his head.

I also have a dd aged 13. I can not ever envisage DH saying something so personal (and a bit crude) to her. You are absolutely right to pull him up on it.

He commenting on his 13 year old daughters arse? Tell him he's being fucking disgusting.

It probably didn't go over her head op. She would have known exactly what he meant, she just pretended not to. This was my technique when my grandparents made comments they thought I wouldn't understand.

YANBU .

There's 2 different elements to his cluelessness - one is the potential effect of a dad making comments about his daughter's body which she may perceive negatively.

The second is that him commenting about any woman let alone a girl with phrases like 'junk in the trunk' really isn't ok - it's sexist and objectifying.

God I remember my dad commenting that I was going to need a bra soon, it still makes me feel revolted now.
Have a serious talk with your DH

Every comment stays with us doesn’t it? I am angry at him, and at everyone who says these things

Ughhh that's grim

My dad said 'a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips' when I was about the same age. I still clearly remember nearly 30 years later.

Same here, my dad said to my mum that I was getting boobs. I’m nearly 60 and still remember how from then on I started covering myself up.

I’m having the same issue with my eldest and his dad. He’s gone from skinny to putting a bit of weight on, but between being due a growth spurt and eating a little too much junk over summer it’s inevitable. Many kids from late primary to secondary age go through phases of putting a bit of weight on then balancing it by growing, it’s completely natural. My eldest dad keeps making comments about him ‘having a tummy’ and getting fat, I snapped and said he should take a look at himself before talking to anyone about their weight. He long stopped being a ‘growing boy’ yet all his clothes are evidently struggling these days. He was hurt but hopefully the weight (no pun intended) of his words may stick. I had to size up my son’s school trousers and he sadly said ‘it’s because I’m fat’, I was furious (not with him), words stick even if you don’t realise it.

My ex husband use to call me that

My 12yo DD and her friends are all very body conscious because of all the rude, big mouth little boys they are 'friends' with. The last thing any young girl needs is her own dad piling on with any comments.

That’s heartbreaking.
I hope to be hugely positive to her and try to out do this.
I’ve had a good talk with him now and told him about how these things affect us and he’s promised to not do it. He realised that he still remembers things said to him in adolescence too.
He has problems with empathy sometimes, I have to spell it out to him. He’s not a bad guy but this has really annoyed me.

Yes, though your language is kinder than mine would be.

When I was a teenager with puppy fat, I remember my father saying to the parish priest in front of me, talking about school exams, ‘Well, if she got more stressed, she might start losing weight!’

Ew, men are so gross. I have PMT rage and am so disgusted about the rape case in the news that I don’t think I can be balanced about men today. They’re just foul.

It’s a very sexualised comment so I hope you brought that up too

your reaction is acceptable for saying ‘DD you are padding out a bit’. This is just utterly revolting

if he thinks this is a normal thing to say to your child- I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s made other people feel uncomfortable
with inappropriate comments

Although to be fair two female friends made the comments “she’s got such a lovely figure” and “aw she’s getting little boobs” and I was really shocked as I love these friends and I just think it’s so inappropriate to say that kind of thing.
Parenting a teen is going to be tough.