For asking DH not to comment on DDs body

[PennyNotWise]

DH mentioned that 13yo DD is “getting more junk in her trunk” in front of her.
It went over her head so I didn’t make a big deal out of it at the time, just gave him a look! But later said can you please not do that, how would you feel if someone said your arse was getting big? And it’s not anyway, she’s just growing up!
(fwiw DD is very skinny but healthy, not that it matters)

He acted all shocked and confused and like I’m being ott. To be fair I have raging PMT but I’m pretty sure I’m right that this is not nice. Just need some back up! Maybe he was acting out of defence/guilt with me.

Why the fuck parents/grandparents think it’s ok to comment on the bodies of younger family members I will never know. I had it all. I’ve been self-conscious all my life and I’m 62 now. Piss off and keep your mouths shut

Your daughter's own father said she's "getting more junk in her trunk"? How inappropriate and sleazy.

My daughter is at university. My husband has never once made a negative comment about her looks or said anything sexual. It would not cross his mind. If she has got dressed up to go out, he will tell her she is beautiful and that’s that.

I would feel utter revulsion if my husband said that comment. And I would struggle to move past the sexual element. Sorry to all the women here who have had gross comments made by the people they should be able to trust most.

You are VERY right, he needs to stop commenting on DDs appearance in such an insensitive way, it could lea to serious MH issues. She's a teenager, he to remember that.

What a completely vulgar creepy comment to say about your child.
Really creepy.
I would be absolutely appalled to hear that from my husbands mouth.
It also would be a MASSIVE red flag if I heard another man say it referencing a child.

No, that's not ok for anyone to say but especially her Father
Confidence and trust is lost and her self esteem is fragile.

I'm surprised nobody has asked you to ring the police or divorce him yet.

It's a little comment which I wouldn't give too much thought, sounds like your Daughter hasn't. I remember my Dad taking my Brother on a walk once to chat about the fact he had got a bit 'large' and that he should perhaps be a bit more active or watch what he's eating. I think that's great. My Dad knew my Brother could take it and back then we didn't treat people like fragile glass, we treated them like the resilient, tough, rational people we had brought them up to be.

Did you miss the part where OP said the daughter is slim and not large at all?

He was literally commenting on her developing body/puberty changes.

But if he had a weight concern, he should discuss it privately with his wife and they formulate a plan together.

To deny the impact of parental comments regarding our bodies is ridiculous.
Anorexia kills.
Young girls bind their breasts due to feeling awkward and hating the changes.
Shame makes them susceptible to TRA's.

It is not anyone's place to comment on growing breasts, hips or bums. It is unnecessary unless in the sense of buying a first bra.

I feel like it's a rather sexualised comment, rather than saying she's fat tbh. To me it sounds like a sexual comment - I'd be furious if my DH said this about our daughter

I think it's s3xualised also, which must have made her feel SO uncomfortable. Totally unacceptable for a dad to comment on his teenage daughter's body. Ever.

Hi again.
I’ve spoken to him and he realises it’s out of order. I’ve found him stuff to read about body image and eating disorders, at this moment she’s happy but I am not going to let him
talk about her body. This has reassured me that my gut feeling of anyone saying anything good or bad about her body or anyone else’s is not acceptable. A body is just a body, none of them are wrong.

Some people are concerned about the phrase itself and think it’s pervy. I’m really not concerned about that as I know my husband. For us it’s a silly American term and in a well know pop song, we quote it when we’re getting rid of actual junk. We say lots of weird pop references.
However when we discussed it and he agreed he shouldn’t be talking about her body
and said he just meant he’d noticed she was filling out as she has always been skinny, and he knows this happens at adolescence, he just randomly verbalised it. And he realised the phrase sounded dodgy it was just a random way to say it. If he’d said it to me privately I wouldn’t be at all bothered, the other day I noticed her hairy armpits, we’re not blind to these changes.
And I actually find a woman talking about her “little boobies” to me kinda weird. I guess I will be calling out more stuff in future!

Thanks for all your thoughts, I’m glad I’m not alone in knowing that no one should comment on anyone’s body, especially a growing teen.

I won’t be kicking him out of the house just yet though! 😂

OP, do you understand how grossly inappropriate that comment is for a father to make about his daughter’s arse? Because it feels like you’re glossing over that aspect.

*Hadn’t refreshed the thread before posting.

If you read all my posts you’ll know I’m definitely not glossing over anything.
He didn’t mean it in a sexual way, he meant it in a size way. Which is still horrendous, but we’re not dealing with sexualisation here, I’m positive.

It’s really sexualised. Maybe in your family you use the expression in a different way but he should probably be aware that that’s not how it’s widely used.

Whether he did or not, it does have sexual connotations which is part of the reason it's so inappropriate. If he doesn't understand that then you've got major problems.

My Dad used to tell me I could be a 'Page 3' model. I'm still mortified by it 54 years later

At least he didn't say that her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I have asked my dd16 what ya gonna do will all that junk? As she is very proud of her sculpted bum which she spends hours in the gym perfecting. Thankfully she is not wearing those arse scrunching leggings. Surely it depends on their relationship and how they interact generally with each other.

Tbh you should have said it's a borderline creepy comment to make about his daughter's buttocks.

No you are definitely not BU. My dad used to make comments about my body at a similar age and I can confirm - it made me feel horrible and ashamed of my body.

Yes, my mum told me I had a big bottom when I was 12. It was the comment I needed to start starving myself, since I was already insecure about being "bigger"'than some other girls, but without the boobs of others. In reality, I looked absolutely fine and I can't believe it looking at photos.

Scenario 1 - dad takes son on walk to privately discuss his concern about his weight. Scenario 2 - dad humiliates daughter in front of others (whether he meant to or not) for normal teenage development. Not exactly the same are they... But no, blame the 'snowflake generation' ffs.

No, it's generally directed at women with big bums. I'm not sure what point you're making re male divers and swimmers... Barely out of their teens, and thirteen, are two very different things! One is an adult and one is a child, for a kick off. You say obviously none are your sons - that's sort of the main point, isn't it? And finally, it's not like the comment is being made to or around the athlete by someone they should be able to trust.

OP, my dad said something about me getting a tummy when I was 8 years old. I vividly remember it (mid 30s now). It was just the start of a decade of torment under the guise of 'jokes'. Oh and I've never been fat in my life.

Well done for addressing this so assertively OP and not backing down on behalf of your DD

These comments from a parental figure can & do stick

Turning 50 this year & this thread immediately brought back memories of being an early developer of rather large ‘frontage’ <ahem> & the world & its wife seemingly feeling free to comment in any way they pleased on any part of my developing body

Most notably Foster Father declaring loudly ‘we’ll need to get you a weapons licence for those’ one early 90’s Summers evening when I thought I looked nice in my Bodysuit (remember them!) & Jeans aged 17

Cue much laughter from other gathered Family members followed by total mortification on my part & dressing like a Nun/hiding any hint of shape to this day

I empathise totally. I am very ,very resilient . But just a few minutes ago a close male friend who I haven't seen for a few weeks called. He would never deliberately upset anyone. I have recently been unwell and my clothes do feel a bit loose . As I reached up to get something from a cupboard he said " God you look ... " before he even finished I felt that familiar tightness in my stomach thinking " I look what?" He said " like you've lost loads of weight ,are you ok" I'm 70 for goodness sake and I'm still feeling it on a subconscious level . I say I don't worry much about people's opinions but the damage is done. Thanks for this post OP and I hope you have no further issues

My friends dad made comments like this when she was 13 and she ended up battling with bulimia spanning 15 years.