DH and best friends wedding

[Strawberrysaucee]

Hi,

my best friend of 20 years is getting married next week, I am a bridesmaid.

My DH is causing me stress - He has said in the last few days that he isn't going to come to the wedding.

I have asked why and he says he just doesn't want to and will not be forced.

I said he will have to tell the bride and groom himself that he isn't coming.

He is refusing to do this and has said he just will not turn up or I will have to come up with an excuse ie. no childcare or he isn't very well.

I don't understand why he is putting me in such an uncomfortable position...I would like for him to be there but he is saying why would you want me to be there when I will just be miserable.

My friend will loose money on his meal as they were 115 pound per person.

I will not lie for him though - I said I am not telling my best friend anything, you can contact her yourself.

Was he a dickhead before you married him?

The next guy you meet will also come with his challenges and what are you going to do then, dump him too?

Yes, absolutely!

My ex did this. Turned out that he had slept with the bride to be. It all came out a few weeks after the wedding. It was a bit too Jeremy Kyle for me.

You don’t really need ‘something bad enough’ to leave him. If you took all the occasions he has been awful and gave them a value of £100 each - just how much money would you have now? Does that give you another perspective? Only you can decide when enough is enough. It’s no one else’s business- they are not living your life!

If you do decide to leave your H, it sounds like you have a lovely supportive best friend and Mum who will help you. You deserve so much better and I’m pretty sure that it won’t be a complete shock to your close friends and family if the relationship ends with this selfish pig.

Why are you with this man? He sounds like a total arse. I wouldn't be having this.

Go the wedding & have the best time.

Can you leave little one with someone else for the night eg. mom?

(re hen do) I wouldn't want my child to be left with someone who gets annoyed/ angry only because a poorly child does not go sleep on time...

I'd have a proper chat and maybe even counselling with DH but yeah, his behaviour doesn't sound great. I always pull DH on comments etc. , please don't let him ruin things for you.

From the outside it sounds as if this man values himself before you and your child.
He invents arguments to try and stop you from going out / doing things without him
He can’t change.
If you are married ,separating is not as easy but I don’t think he is capable of making anyone happy except himself.
He represents a future of misery and lost opportunities if you stay.
He resents your friend and is trying to sabotage your friendship

Is there any chance at all that something has happened between the bride and your husband, OP? Given that he seems to be handling her upcoming wedding so badly...

Sorry to hear that happened to you.

I must admit OP I was wondering if something like this, or even just your DH fancying your friend, was a possibility. While it's terrible behaviour from him there seems to be something about this specific wedding he's taken against, beyond it just being one of your friend's and not his. Has he got on with your best friend in the past? Has he always made comments about her or did they start when she announced her wedding?

I'd be leaving little one with your mom, I would want my child to be left with DH & listen to him getting annoyed/ angry

I am going to guess now you have someone else coming with you, he will change his kind last minute.

Who is looking after your child?

This also entered my mind to be honest - some kind of thing for your friend or a previous encounter? But then he does have form for doing this so could just be being his usual difficult self.

Either way, is this the kind of partner you want and deserve? If you split he would need to support financially, surely you'd be better off without his negative draining influence?

@Strawberrysaucee until you decide to stay or leave try hard not to care either way. He’s loving you asking him to go.
In future a breezy ok no worries will wrong step him.
Love and hate are both emotions, however not caring either way, refusing to express an opinion will annoy him most if it’s attention he’s after.
If your out and he rings with a problem just reply that you’re sure he can deal with it. Bye.

Do not tell him about your mum, he may demand she drop out if he chznges his mind.

Say nothing.
Do not give him the opportunity to go.

Being unhappy is absolutely enough. You only have one life. Uprooting your child now will save them from living in a unhappy environment.

Maybe he's depressed or dislikes your friend. Yes, definitely tell her now giving a little white lie as an excuse: he has social anxiety maybe, and can't cope with lots of folk he doesn't know.

So, he doesn't want to come.
He is an adult, not a child to be dragged around.
We all have been through that to some point, haven't we?
I hate attending other people's events too,
and in fairness always say no.
Fortunately I'm free to do so.

Or, conversely, he’s a self-obsessed twat.

He’s bound to sulk now he knows you’ve replaced him. You’re supposed to beg him and please with him to come along, and have a terrible time because he’s made you feel bad about going.

Now that you have your mum as a plus one, you aren’t following his script; expect him to kick off about that.

Glad your mum is going with you op. You'll have more fun with her than your dh by the sounds of it! I do think it's very selfish of him. Firstly it's so last minute and secondly, putting your partner's wants and needs ahead of your own sometimes is part of being in a loving relationship. This is your best friend's wedding and was important to you, for that reason alone he should suck it up and be coming, especially since he generally enjoys being social and he doesn't have a better excuse than he just doesn't fancy it.

That's what I was thinking, just say your told X he's not coming so she has invited someone else, don't say who he may well ruin it for both you and your Mum.
Also have your Ds overnight with someone or he'll be calling, texting and moaning ruining it again like the hen do.

Misses the point but £115 per person?! - is Gordon Ramsey coming in and carving the steak in front of everyone?

😂

Absolutely tell your friend he isn't coming. Don't cover for him though, be honest. Say he doesn't want to come, he can't give you any decent reason why not, and if she wants to offer his invite to someone else feel free. Tell her you're sorry for the fact he's put her in this position.