To always shower before sex?

[Schleep]

Inspired by someone's statement on another thread.
I've admittedly got some issues around intimacy so could well BU.
I cannot have sex without being absolutely certain I'm completely clean beforehand - I will always wash before. I don't care if DP is freshly showered, assuming he's not really filthy obviously.

So, Mumsnetters, AIBU?

YANBU - I always wash before
YABU - Its not essential

We’ve got a 5 month old baby who’s a stage 100 clinger, we only have maybe 5 mins max so I’m not using any of them to shower😂

I never have, obviously if I was dirty or had just been for a run maybe, but otherwise it’s never crossed my mind

I’m much more prone to cystitis thanks to the joys of peri menopause so now the rule is squeaky clean or it’s not happening, for both of us.

Spontaneity and teenage offspring are mutually exclusive so that’s not an issue.

Deviating a little from the original subject a little, but I once had a partner who dashed up to brush his teeth immediately after oral sex.
It grew to be most irritating!

What about shower sex? 🚿

True!

Nope, spontaneity is my thing, never plan

As for waiting for the kids to be out, forget that. Buy a 3 storey house so they are on the top floor out the way!

@Schleep I mentioned about having a shower before sex on the other thread.
I just can’t imagine performing or receiving oral sex after a long sweaty day , multiple trips to the toilet etc Each to their own , but I’m not living in the Victorian days. Surely it’s nice to smell fresh and clean when you are having sex?

I always shower before or at least a quick wash

This is interesting, and I appreciate people not being too judgey.

Those of you saying it's off putting to shower as you get dirty again... I get that too 😬

Which puts me off doing it even more.
I've a very low libido, if it's not obvious, so I am trying to fix it

I'm the same.
And for me, oral is the only really good bit - so that probably is a factor in the need to shower.

Dirty, spontaneous sex is great - but no oral either way for me.

I shower morning and night so I'm always clean getting into bed anyway but I don't specifically wash for sex. If I didn't wash regularly, then I would. If it was the middle of the day and he wanted to do oral on me then I would freshen my bits. Its just common courtesy.

What's the worst that can happen if you don't smell of roses (well, shower gel really!)?

I'm not trying to be smart but what's the fear or where it is coming from? Rejection? Germs? etc? I think you need to understand why before you can look at changing it.

What would you do if your OH tried to initiate before you shower? Pause and have a quick wash?

On the nights we both happen to shower one after the other we know for sure oral is on that night but apart from that I way prefer being spontaneous! I would prefer to shower after to be honest.

If not shower we always have a quick wash of the unmentionables first. I don't want to suck a stinky cock with piss trapped in the foreskin. If he's clean it also helps prevent UTIs. Also at the very least, rinsing my bits and peeing before sex helps prevent UTIs. Got those tips from a GP years ago and have never had one from sex since.

It works for us and has never ruined the mood! I'm fine with messiness during and after the actual act, but it's much sexier if we're both clean. I've had partners before with poor personal hygiene and it's genuinely such a turnoff.

If that's what you need to get in the mood, and enjoy yourself you're definitely not BU.

I would find it frustrating if my partner needed to shower every time before sex, but I'd understand.

Your body, your choice! Nobody as any right to it unless you feel comfortable, whatever that is you may need to feel that.

My counsellor has asked similar.
She thinks it may be issues with "going with the flow / letting go"
But the fact I can even talk online (albeit anon) is a massive improvement from a few years ago.

It's very interesting to read different perspectives and normalising not having to be completely prepared / scrubbed down

I'm curious as to how that would work? You've started a bit of afternoon delight and he starts heading down. You stop for a quick wipe down?

Each to their own, but I personally would find it really offputting and unsexy if someone insisted on showering before sex. Assuming someone has a generally decent standard of basic hygiene, they don’t need to be sanitised before a shag. To be honest, I’d rather a man smelled like a man being rather than smelling like soap and water, and men who are prissy about that sort of thing gives me the ick on a grand scale. As I say, absolutely each to their own so if a mandatory pre-fuck shower works for both partners, that’s great - shower away! But for me, it just feels prudish and uptight to be worrying about that sort of thing.

An ex of mine once confessed that a previous girlfriend of his (she was American; I have no idea if this is standard there!) had insisted on washing immediately before sex, and that he would have much preferred it if she hadn’t. Partly because of the lack of spontaneity, partly because it just seemed like an inhibition to him, and partly because - well, I’m sure you can fill in the blanks on why a man who is extremely attracted to women wouldn’t necessarily want them to be, er, freshly rinsed.

No! That would take all the spontaneity out of it.

Generally as long as you shower once a day at some point, you are going to be clean enough, if I thought either of us was too sweaty for oral, I’d just avoid that.

Yup, id pause and go and wash quickly.

Also, if there's no oral - I'm not getting much from the experience. I'll still have sex to please DP, but it'll be for his benefit only really

PUT IT IN THE SEX TOPIC.

Why? It's an AIBU.
There's no need for any trigger warnings, it's in the title.
AIBUs aren't subclassified if they overlap with another topic

This is not the stuff of good erotica but whatever you need.