To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

[Notsurehowtoprocessthis]

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

Thank you, it's really kind of you and the others saying so. I don't feel very level headed but I think I've had to overcome so much to even be able to get to go on this holiday that I'm trying not to let anything ruin it. İt's been my first real taste of happiness in about five years due to various reasons and I don't want the upset of the last 24 hours to stop that.

No she hasn't paid me anything. İt cost us 90 to get here which she paid but her half of the accomodation is a lot more than my half of what she's paid in travel.

I would imagine if you present your travel ticket at Calais you would be able to go as foot passenger?

She is being really out of order. However annoyed she was about the meltdown just doesn't justify her actions.

Maybe if you ask around you might be able to get a lift? I wouldn't carry the car seat all that way - you will be exhausted enough as it is.

She honestly sounds horrible.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Your friend sounds awful! No one should ever leave their friend like that! You sound amazing. All the best getting home x

So was the agreement that she owes you the difference? Or were you treating her to the accommodation costs?

No, OP booked the ferry, quote from the first post:
Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing.

Your friend is a total cow, I would take the ferry booking in a heartbeat. She’ll be able to get on another one easily, it’s not that expensive.

İm going to bed now. Thank you all for your support. Tonight has actually been lovely. Dd has made some lovely new friends and I joined on a quiz with lots of funny families. The staff here are actually great and so interactive which makes me want to see through the holiday until next week as I don't get much chance to socialise at home. One of the families i had been chatting to this week has offered to take me to buy a suitcase tomorrow if I get stuck. They had seen my DD meltdown last night and are shocked that that's what made my ex friend leave. They said their eldest has autism and that everyone knows you can only wait for it to pass. That made me feel better that they saw it and knew I hadn't done anything wrong. The friends that my DD made tonight wanted to give her a cuddle goodnight and she doesn't like goodbyes and their mum told them that was absolutely fine for her to refuse a hug after I explained. No drama, just understanding, which was so needed. They've invited dd to play tomorrow around the pool. I've slowly explained to her that her friend may have gone to Disney and we may or may not go to Disney this time around and she's been fine with it, although she's been bringing it up a lot and noted to me that everyone here mentions going to Disney. She just seems happy though overall. I feel like I've had the kindest day from strangers both online and in person.

I wanted to share one success story from this trip. When we got up at the crack of dawn yesterday to go to Paris, I found one of my flip flops on the floor right by the pool. İt must've fallen out of my bag the night before. I didn't have time to take it back to the caravan as we had a train to catch and i didnt want to have a shoe in my bag all day whilst searching for phone, money, food, water, travel card constantly. Reception was closed as it was so early. So I hid it on top of the ticket machine at the train station and just hoped it would still be there on my return. When I got off the train that evening, I had forgotten all about it and suddenly spotted it as I got out of the carriage. İt was the first thing I saw! I was so pleased. I guess I'm telling you guys that it was still there because right after this all the drama kicked off and I never got a chance to tell my ex friend that the flip flop was successfully recovered as she had left Paris before us with a headache.

Wow your ‘friends’ behaviour is shocking. Who on earth would abandon their friend and autistic 5yr old DD in France knowing they’ve got no suitcase and no car to get home. Even if she wanted to stay elsewhere she could have still said she would pick you up and take you both home. I always find it hard to believe anyone could even sleep at night if they considered such a thing, but I know that there’s people out there who really don’t give a damn about others. I guess lesson learnt, this woman wasn’t really your friend. Any understanding friend would have removed their own child from the situation if she was upset by your DD’s screaming. As you say once she’s screaming there’s little you can do but wait for the meltdown to end.

OP, I think your attitude in all of this is amazing. You’re very resilient and putting such a brave face on it. Go into Paris and enjoy more Paralympic’s and try and get a cheap suitcase and then head home on the trains. Once you’re at Dover a real friend will come and collect you. Stay strong and enjoy your break. I hope your friend realises what a selfish cow she’s been.

Ah that’s fab that it was still there! Great to hear you’ve made some friends and they can help you source a suitcase. I wonder if any of them pass your town on their way home and could drop a car seat off?!

Just came across your thread.So sorry about your friend but glad you've had a nice day today.

I wanted to share bla bla carshare which I believe is popular in France: www.blablacar.co.uk

My mum who's in her 80s has had great success with it

You're so brave. You should be very proud of yourself.

It sounds like you have had a wonderful time today and these are the memories that your daughter will have. Making friends and having a great time.

She won't remember or know any of the stress you have been put under because you have put her before yourself, unlike a certain other mum who has put her own feeling before her daughter, and stomped off.

So pleased you had a lovely day. I think you really needed it after all that stress. x

If you've made friends at the campsite then just stay there and enjoy it. If your ex friend returns tell her to go find her own accommodation elsewhere. She's fucking terrible behaving like that.

I'm rooting for you OP! I do hope you don't speak to this vile human being ever again!

If you're going by Eurostar OP just get it booked, it gets more expensive the closer you get to travel date.

I've been checking and it has been going up all the time, Saturday and Tuesday are cheaper than Sunday & Monday (263), you can get cheap hotels in Paris for around £50/£60 per night Monday night and you'd be right there at Gare Du Nord to be able to get the early Tuesday train (185) which is cheaper, may be more leisurely than rushing around on Monday evening and paying the same as Tuesday morning travel + hotel anyway.

I’d still be petty and change the reg of the car if I could.

did you give up on the idea of couriering some of your stuff back?
I use a site called parcelhero.com for work and always get good rates.
You might find you could scrounge some boxes from somewhere, so not have to bother with a suitcase, and maybe pick up a cheaper soft carry bag if there's less stuff.

Glad you had a better day today, and people at the site have been supportive. Hopefully you can work out your way home without it being too complicated or expensive. If you do go to disneyland this trip then get the app, as it will help you see wait times, and where characters are. Post on the thread if you do, and I would be happy to answer questions on the parks. If you don't get to go on this trip, maybe you can do another trip to dlp, and stay onsite which may be easier for both you and your daughter. You would be in control not your friend. Look into getting access cards or disability ID cards for both you and your daughter - you may both qualify and they can be used in places in the UK too. Disneyland paris have only just released dates up to March 2026 so you can look for dates up to the end of March. There are lots of groups on facebook with lots of advice, including groups that cover special needs.

No words really but what an awful thing to do to you and your little one 😞

So pleased you and DD have had a lovely day.
More kindness from strangers than you had from your frenemy

I asked you earlier but have you actually tried to call her as you haven’t said that did you call her at all when she left to see if she would come back as I have not seen you mentioned this. As she may have needed own space and calmed down not saying what she did was right but still have you messaged or called her as not seen that you have

I can't believe she's actually upped and left over this. Utterly disgraceful to leave you without transport and not honour the commitment she made. I think I said in an earlier post that if she did not want to travel with you and your DD she should have funded alternative travel arrangements for you.

I don't think the original situation was handled well but should have been something that friends could handle by having some space to cool off, then a chat and an apology both ways. Your friend leaving like that is so out of order, leaving you with an autistic child to make your own way home in a foreign country is just awful. Yes, meltdowns are difficult to understand and be around for those who are not used to them, I understand other people needing space for a bit, but what she's done in response is completely unfair and actually rather cruel.

Glad you've met some other people and are salvaging your holiday and hopefully you will find alternative ways to get home.

I’m so pleased you’ve met some caring people. Please take them up on their offer.

Before you buy the bag / case, check out how to roll clothes. .https://www.wikihow.com/Roll-Clothes When needed you can get so much in a tiny space by rolling things. You just want to get stuff home so roll the clothes much more tightly than in this link then place them in the bag in a tight row and keep on infilling the row, pushing down with the next layer. This way, you can put at least double the amount of stuff in the same storage space.

I do like the suggestion by @6pence. This would be poetic justice.