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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 05/09/2024 19:11

If luggage is expensive I'd leave some in f your cheaper belongings there and just take what you can in the bag. Put the pillow and blanket in the car seat if you can.
No point spending £100 on a case to take home £50 worth of stuff

southpawsofthenorth · 05/09/2024 19:14

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Lovefromjuliaxo · 05/09/2024 19:23

Sorry but as someone with autism I think you should’ve removed your child from the situation when the other child hurt herself if she is that bad with blood.

Tweedledeeee · 05/09/2024 19:30

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Lastminutenoworries · 05/09/2024 19:36

Totally agree with you Tweedledee.

DefyingGravitas · 05/09/2024 19:36

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For what it’s worth, I’ve seen plenty of instances of blood from a stubbed toe - around the nail bed. It hurts a lot…

DoreenonTill8 · 05/09/2024 19:43

DefyingGravitas · 05/09/2024 19:36

For what it’s worth, I’ve seen plenty of instances of blood from a stubbed toe - around the nail bed. It hurts a lot…

But op later said there wasn't actually any blood?

DefyingGravitas · 05/09/2024 19:46

DoreenonTill8 · 05/09/2024 19:43

But op later said there wasn't actually any blood?

She said a little bit I thought? 🤷‍♀️

DoreenonTill8 · 05/09/2024 19:58

DefyingGravitas · 05/09/2024 19:46

She said a little bit I thought? 🤷‍♀️

Well *She stubbed her toe and there was a tiny bit of blood, like a speck but it was enough to freak my DD out *
A 'speck'..

legosnowqueen · 05/09/2024 19:59

Why would you even consider taking the transport options that puts you on the original ferry crossing, when PPs have suggested multiple other options?

DefyingGravitas · 05/09/2024 20:00

DoreenonTill8 · 05/09/2024 19:58

Well *She stubbed her toe and there was a tiny bit of blood, like a speck but it was enough to freak my DD out *
A 'speck'..

Ok, sounds good. I think this is more important to you than it is to me 😊

Talkingfrog · 05/09/2024 20:04

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 15:23

We weren't in the caravan I was sitting at a table by the pool with my DD. Her dd kept coming over whilst my DD was screaming her head off then crying and running off to her mum, who instead of removing her from the situation, kept saying how out of order my DD was for screaming and they kept coming back over and saying how unfair it was that she was screaming whilst her dd was upset. Her DLA disability is slightly partial hearing difficulties. She's actually using her adult daughters pip to apply for the queue jump, who isn't here. She stubbed her toe and there was a tiny bit of blood, like a speck but it was enough to freak my DD out who has a phobia of blood.

I haven't read all comments since last night.

Disneylandparis changed the process in Dec 2021 and are stricter with issuing priority and easy access passes.
If the only documents she has are for a daughter that isn't there, she will probably not be getting a priority pass. They need to see the passholder, the proof and the passport of the passholder to check everything matches up.

Wills · 05/09/2024 20:04

Hi, I've kinda been following your thread but haven't read to the end because I want to talk about autism and Paris Disney. I've not been for 4 years so possibly things have changed but 4 years ago they were incredibly accommodating of autistic children (I have 3 out of 4 diagnosed). It comes from an incredibly blinkered French perspective that all autistics must be non-functioning but I have always taken advantage of their ignorance/discrimination. Each child needs a 'carer' and can then take up to 6 others onto any of the rides. Some of the rides are stopped, others you get given a time to return. Either way I managed to do all of the Disney site in 2/3s of a day and spent the next doing the other one. So 1 and half days doing Disney land Paris is impressive. My eldest felt that she was VIP status! Bless her.

That said Disney for an autistic is sensory overload. They'll both love and hate it at the same time. Good luck!

Dibbydoos · 05/09/2024 20:47

Hi @Notsurehowtoprocessthis have you asked her about getting home? Until you do, you have no idea if she is stranding you or not.

Your DF is no DF btw. And sadly she is ignorant to boot - who these days is so unaware of autism and to tell a 5yo old who is over stimulated just adds to the chaos. Hugs to you and your DD. I sincerely hope she hasn't dumped you both x

Mumtofourandnomore · 05/09/2024 20:53

We went to the Olympics and Disney at the beginning of August, Disney was really quiet, with most queues around twenty minutes or less - your dd may manage fine. You can download the app and look on there for the queue times per ride which is handy - you might get an idea in advance.

There are some really cheap flights back with EasyJet from Charles de Gaulle and whilst you may hate flying, it’s unbelievably safe and so much easier than a trek back through France.

I wish you lots of luck - I know it’s hard but try to enjoy the rest of your holiday. I would certainly never speak to your friend again as leaving you alone in a foreign country would be the end of the friendship for me.

AbraAbraCadabra · 05/09/2024 20:57

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:20

Shes gone. She's taken my daughter's car seat out of the car and left it here too. İt's not even mine I borrowed it from someone in our home town.

No way. I can't believe your friend has fucked off and left you stranded in a foreign country. Fuck me that's an unbelievably shitty thing to do.

brainpain · 05/09/2024 21:05

Boomer55 · 05/09/2024 18:08

The other child had stubbed her toe, with minor bleeding. The OP’s child then appeared to have a major meltdown.

All seems a lot of drama about very little.🤷‍♀️

You are purposely not taking into account her young daughter has autism and experienced a melt down.

OP, I hope you get home ok. Your friend has behaved terribly by leaving you stranded. She could have separated from you - not that I think that it was necessary, your young autistic daughter can’t control a meltdown - until it was time to travel back to U.K.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/09/2024 21:07

What a truly awful 'friend' -

pikkumyy77 · 05/09/2024 21:09

Hope you get hime safely.

BrieHugger · 05/09/2024 21:11

I really hope you get to do all the things you planned and have a lovely time with your daughter. I do think you should look at flying home, though. I know you’re scared of flying but it’ll certainly be the quickest and possibly cheapest way of getting you home.

Are you financially out of pocket, did she pay you for the accommodation at all?

Pigtailsandall · 05/09/2024 21:13

Boomer55 · 05/09/2024 18:08

The other child had stubbed her toe, with minor bleeding. The OP’s child then appeared to have a major meltdown.

All seems a lot of drama about very little.🤷‍♀️

Exactly. And as petty as the other woman is, you're in France, not in Sudan. Google train timetables from your location to the closest big city, ask someone to call you a taxi to the station, and get get to Paris or Lille, whichever is easier to reach. Tickets to London are certainly not £300 next week, plus it's a lot less faff than ferry crossings. Even thetrainline.com gives you French train timetables and connections.

BrieHugger · 05/09/2024 21:20

Just checked and flights are cheap as chips. Not sure where you live OP but assuming the south east ish as you’ve been offered a lift home from Dover. Next week flight prices from Paris start at £30 to Gatwick or Southend.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 21:29

İ know everyone is saying fly and I'm so grateful for the help and support, but honestly I'm still three hours on the trains from Gatwick or Luton and lots of train hopping then a taxi to get me home from the station, whereas the french trains are less crowded and I can get a lift home from Dover and the French are so helpful with getting on and off trains with a suitcase. I would get more help than İ would have help going into London then back out. Either way I have to get a few hours worth of trains and the ferry gets me closer to home than flying into a London airport which are in Surrey etc. I live closer to Dover than London.

İf anyone can find me a reasonable Eurostar for Sunday though I'd also be super grateful as I can get a train close to my home from st pancras and then a taxi.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2024 21:30

I’ve just picked up the thread. This woman’s behaviour beggars belief. She’s had a much bigger ‘meltdown’ than your 5 yo dd. She’s 5 fgs, practically a baby. I wish you luck with getting home. You sound so level headed.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 21:32

I wrote Sunday but I meant Monday but I guess Sunday night may also be an option.

OP posts: