I have to say one of the things I find particularly shocking on these threads is how many posters think its normal for a 9 year old to be incapable of getting up, cleaning their teeth and getting dressed by themselves. They should also be able to make themselves breakfast if they need to (though not necessarily be expected to do it every morning). DS has been in the habit since he was age 6. I don't think he's a huge outlier and other children have had an additional three years to be encouraged to learn these skills.
Meanwhile in Norway its regarded as normal to teach children as young as three how to use a ultity knife (for things like wood whittling and the like) and normalised to walk to school by themselves age 6.
We really are setting up our kids to fail in the UK by having these really low expectations of what they should be able to do at what age, because we've created this culture of fear.
Whats also interesting in terms of psychology is the herd mentality on this.
The OP created a thread to find out what the consensus of what was acceptable for her 9 year old. It highlights how a lot of this is about peer pressure and what is socially acceptable. That is in theory, the wrong approach.
The questions to be asking are - 'is she capable in terms of ability and maturity?', 'is it safe based on location and community?' and finally, if its a negative on either of those, 'how do I work to reach that stage in her independance and how can I help support her in this?'. (That last one is the one we fail on most - we don't have a plan of how to get from A to B in terms of development of age appropriate skills). There is also the questions of responsibility of the 15 year old and willingness to take this on. A normal 15 year old SHOULD be capable of doing this without it necessarily impinging on his social life and more importantly should be willing to do so, if he has respect for his mother.
So we are asking all the wrong questions in the UK. We aren't asking how we encourage independence and growth in our children. We are asking about how we avoid them coming to harm and over inflating our understanding of risk in the process, without examining how this in itself can be causing harms. We are neglecting that actually there needs to be a certain amount of learning through experience and error. We are extremely avoidant as a society as a result. And we encourage our peers to also engage in this style of infantilising parenting.
Avoidant behaviour is characteristic of anxiety disorders - and this is something we should keep in mind. Its troubling.
There will be some 9 year olds for whom this is too much, but really they should be the except to the rule and be due to good cause, not because of parenting style.
We also have these massive contridications in terms of where we see danger too. We see danger as outside and don't see it as being inside. Kids outside playing are visible and what they are doing can be seen. Kids inside on computers and phones inside are invisible and we are blind to what they are often doing.
I do think we are due a total rethink on a huge amount of this as a country. Kids who fall through the cracks in education often thrive in environments which are outdoors or if they are given responsibilities. (Who has seen Freddie Flintoff's cricket series which gives an active demonstration a huge amount of this?). DH sees this all the time through scouting.
/gets off soap box