Walking to school alone - advice please

[chickensarnie]

DD is 9 (early may baby)

DS is 15 and usually takes her to school but lately has been making my life a misery because he doesn't want to. Even though it's the same road as his own school!

I can’t change my work hours, I commute so I leave at 740. I don't have any family or friends who can help.

AIBU to let DD walk alone? She's not allowed a phone at school which is my only worry, how would I know she got there?

It's 2 streets away, no main roads. Takes less than 5 mins to get to school. Theres a pelican crossing to cross the road, which she knows how to use. It's not a main road but it can get busy.

I think it's fine but I'm worried school will say it's not.

It's a village not a city if that makes a difference.

My only worry is how would I know she got there safe?

No I don’t think that’s entirely true.
For many parents who work, letting kids leave by themselves and walk themselves home would be an easy (and cheaper) option. Loads would take that offer up for younger kids if given the chance rather than pay for wrap around but most schools won’t allow that. And for good reason.
I also live in a village - a safe one. But the amount of vans I see daily hurtling down the small car lined roads here is crazy.
The generation before (kids growing up in the 50’s) would have thought we were bonkers for taking our kids everywhere. My relative was 7 and looking after her younger siblings of 5,4 and 1 daily whilst her mum did the daily shopping which took about 2 hours including the walk. She also walked all the younger kids to school and picked up neighbours 5 year olds to walk.
What Madeline McCanns parents did wild have been absolutely acceptable in the 70’s. There were baby listening services at most resorts to leave your baby / small child whilst you went out and had a good time- someone would pop round and listen out for crying and inform you if your baby was crying. My parents used this service once or twice with me and my siblings. Was absolutely acceptable.
When I was a kid there were no seatbelts in the back of a car- 4 of us just rolled around and lay across one another on the motorway.
Things change. We learn. The world changes with each generation. And it’s certainly changed since the 80’s.
Other countries have a different culture and people act differently. Maybe in other counties they are more careful as they know small children are crossing for example.
In Japan it’s very common for a 4 or 5 year old to catch trains and transport to school. No one would bat an eyelid. That’s because their culture allows it with a different crime rate and respect and culture.
Can’t really imagine a 4 year old getting on the underground by themselves here can you?

My child cycles in alone and has done since the OP's child's age but I still teach him the world is a dangerous place! because it certainly can be!

I think there a huge difference between "The world is a dangerous place, let me protect you from it at all times" and
"The world is a dangerous place, here's how to deal with that and stay safe"

And sadly I do think the former is being used far too often and kids are missing out because of it.

It's normal to be doing that in my area from around age 8, so yes, depending on the child (i.e. that they're happy to do it, not stressing about it).

You can get tracker watches with GPS and a sim card where you control the only numbers that can call or be called (e.g. both parents). Then you can check on the app that she's got to school OK, and if she encounters any problems she could press the SOS button to call you from the watch, or you could call her while she's walking. It can then be set to school mode when she arrives so it just shows the time like a normal digital watch.

So the solution is to get in the car and drive your kids to school? Ok.

You say we learn - but history shows that not all learned this are actually progressive (despite being labelled as such). Some beliefs can be utterly regressive and not actually reflective of real life risks and threats to us.

At what age are your kids going to be old enough to walk? Or are they still going to be at high risk of all those imagined zooming cars that apparently don't exist in other countries? (Really you should travel to some parts of Europe cos the driving there makes the British look good!).

There's always going to be an excuse about why it's too dangerous to walk and before you know it the kids are adults saying it's too dangerous to walk.

Walking culture generates from peers walking. It becomes harder to justify ferrying your kids everywhere. Try it. It might improve your mental health and improve kids behaviour in the class (plenty of evidence that walking to school improves behaviour, particularly for ADHD kids).

When we talk about the risks of walking to school, why are we not talking about the increased risk to mental and physical health from being driven to school? Or is that an inconvenient truth that parents want to just ignore?

You could put an apple tracker in her bag but that would ping other people's phones if they come close - its a safety feature so other apple users know there is a tracker nearby.
To be honest, if you are worried it sounds to me like she is not ready - tell your son to suck it up for another year. Seriously, I would be removing his priveleges if he can't help you out with this one job.

That's the other thing I was just thinking. We have so much more technology in place to keep kids safe now. Mobiles, trackers, etc. Yet they are less independent. It does make sense.

Are we keeping kids safe with all this access to technology?

There's a hell of a lot to say there's more risk from being online due to social media and unrealistic and unachievable representations of women/men, potential 24/7 harassment and bullying, idealism of lifestyles which do not reflect reality and that's without considering who they might meet online which may be altogether more dark than walking by yourself to school from an early age.

And if you are totally reliant on tech, what happens if you lose your phone or you break it? It infantilises in a way.

DS is 7 and walks to school by himself. (Parents are actually actively encouraged to do that by the school.) We live in Germany, though. It's completely normal here for kids to walk by themselves from 1st grade onwards, which is when they are about 6.

I also let him walk to places in town by himself, the playground, supermarket or our Indian restaurant, for example. Our roads are quite quiet and set up for walking.

No, it’s not ok to drive everywhere either. But you are simplifying a change in society and perhaps differences in other countries. Ideally adult should be present to walk a younger child to school. (In my opinion until year 6 and as long as that child is responsible with recognising any dangers, getting themselves there on time, can reliably take a good course of action in an emergency.)
No adults arnt walked around by mummy generally are they. Even though the UK is so ‘backwards’ and ‘wraps the kids in cotton wool’ That’s because older kids will still be able to gain independence. You don’t miss the boat. If you arnt walking across hill and dale by age 7 you don’t somehow become inept forever.
There is a balance of risk and in my opinion in the UK in 2024 it’s too high a risk to let a child younger than y6 walk to school. They are not going to be holding mummy’s hand in y10 trust me. But they might have been saved from a dangerous situation that they wernt old enough / mature enough for.
In the UK it’s also a sad fact that many kids don’t have a school in walkable distance hence the driving. Society / feminist movement and capitalism means that now both parents have to work so it’s harder for parents to be around to walk their kids in even if they wanted to.
Mums often arnt around in the morning to see their kids off / be home if there is a problem getting to school or be there when they finish. And as I said, traffic and population growth has been huge in the past 30 years.

Of course it's fine!

My DD didn't actually take herself to school until Y6 when she was 10. But the only reason for this was because, before they got in to Y6, they were not allowed inside until 8:55. Since she would have had to leave the house when I set off for work (about 8:20) and school was only 10 minutes walk, she would have been hanging around in the playground for nearly half an hour every day, whatever the weather. Hence I paid for breakfast club.

However, in Y6 they were trusted to go in to their classroom unsupervised from about 8:30 so she walked in alone then. TBH though, she was was perfectly capable of doing the journey unaccompanied at least a year earlier

I'd agree when it comes to phones. They shouldn't have phones IMO. But a tracker tag or watch as an extra layer of peace of mind, even if it's just for the first few weeks of walking on their own, seems reasonable. Equally, if everyone is happy with it, then going without in many cases is fine too.

We live on the same street as the school, with no roads to cross, and mine will probably start walking alone soon but currently likes me to come too, at least part of the way. When the time comes, I plan to use one of the kids GPS watches to keep an eye that she doesn't go into the park next door to school and make herself late or anything daft like that. It's not really necessary, but it'll give me extra peace of mind. If she can prove that she walks straight to school every time then it'll eventually become optional.

I wouldn't allow it in our very middle class village. I have a daughter same age and am going to allow from Y6. I walked to school alone from age 5, times have changed!

Tell your DS to grow up. Doesn’t he care about what she thinks of his refusal to help her?

Our school doesn’t allow it til year 6.

That said, I know some of the girls were already doing it in year 5, as they do tend to develop the road sense and ability to judge when it’s safe to cross etc sooner.

My ds is 10 and I’m not letting him yet, but there are roads to cross and it’s a bit further than your walk.

But my child's phone is only for the safety aspect of it. It doesn't need to be all or nothing, you can use it how it suits. Phones are strictly banned at his school, even at breaktimes and lunchtimes, and he isn't allowed it at home either (nor is he bothered about it). Social media is not allowed nor does he have an interest. It's for safety when he goes out, for us to ring each other if need be and for the tracker app.
I don't know why people have taken my comment of "technology is available to be used in this way" and replied with "but it's bad if it's used in this way". OK? but I'm not?

I live 5 minutes from DS's school. Its all residental. There's no roads to cross.

Where's the cultural differences here? No I am not oversimplifying anything. There are plenty of other kids at his school who live in similar houses. Loads of parents walking with younger children. Many of whom know DS. Its not isolated.

I'm reasonably sure there are plenty of other schools across the country which are similar. Indeed, I went to two of them and they still exist.

What is this magic thing that makes this dangerous and that means I have to hold his hand until he reaches high school?

Or is he magically safe to walk to school because actually it is safe and this blanket notion of age being the arbietary factor here is actually a load of made up bollocks?

How?

Genuinely how?

I have issues with trackers.

I think it normalises behaviour that can be abusive. Its intrusive and signals you don't trust your child.

I think they cause more problems than they solve.

What on earth is your 15yr olds problem? They leave at the same time and go the same way! Tell him to stop being a dick or he gets no pocket money.

I can't see why he can't take his sister in in the morning but it seems unfair to make him bring her home again. What if he wants to meet up with his friends?
I just don't see a problem with a Year 5 child walking two streets independently

I think it’s ok especially if you can track her (tile/airtag in her bag?).

I agree though that I would be expecting the 15yo to be more helpful. Maybe he doesn’t want to walk with her, ok, she can walk 15 metres in front of him and he can watch to make sure she goes in the gate. It won’t kill him. Bet you do plenty for him.

Sorry, my post was really responding to Redtoothbrush rather than you, and I should have used the words "social media" rather than "phone"! As a tracker/Sos contract only, it's the same as the watch I'm getting for mine.

Air tag her!

I would also do this.

I would have allowed my youngest to walk to school at 9, DH probably wouldn't have though. But if my older kid didn't want to do it when they were literally walking past I would be having some sharp words about being part of a family and occasionally making the smallest of sacrifices to help out. Do I want to do his laundry and make meals every day? No, but I do it because I'm not an arsehole.

Those of you saying it's a big ask - are you serious? What "care" exactly do you think this 15 year old is doing other than walking the sibling to and from school? As if a 15YO is going to get in the house and then be hovering over his little sister until mum gets home. And I think OP would have mentioned that as well.

Surely it only does that if you're using it in an obsessive or abusive way?

I have trackers on all three of my kids, the last time I looked at it was before the holidays when one of them said he left his phone at school - I looked on the tracker and it was at home. It had slid under something in his bag lol.

Mine don't tend to roam far from home though and are very open so maybe I just don't have the imagination to be abusive.