To think this comment about women with no female friends is problematic?

[Newlifeincoming]

I saw a comment recently that said “women who don’t have any friends that are women are red flags. I don’t care what anyone says.”

I find this a bit troubling and potentially judgemental.

AIBU for thinking that this perspective is unfair and doesn’t account for individual circumstances or preferences? What do you think about this kind of statement?

I think it can be a red flag sometimes, but a bigger red flag is women who claim they only have male friends because they were bullied by girls at school, especially when the bullying is nowhere near as bad as the sexual abuse a lot of girls deal with by the boys/men at school, and yet they still have males in their lives, its so odd. Not only are these women blaming every other single woman in the world for their bullying, but they are completely ignoring the bullying, harassment and crimes their male friends commit when they do so - those women are massive walking red flags.
Be friends with whoever you want, but claiming women are worse than men is ridiculous levels of misogyny that no one should have to deal with.

YABU. I'm probably much older than you. The ones I 'judged' as being this type, were the only ones who ended up breaking up marriages and having no problem dating an acquaintances ex.
Of the top of my head I can think of at least four people. They are no longer friends of mine.

My autistic dd gets on better with boys as they're less socially complicated.

I'm inclined to agree with a lot of this.

However, when it comes to bosses/colleagues at work, I think it really depends on secure they are in themselves, both personally and professionally.

I've worked for some of the most formidable, charismatic, competent women you are ever likely to meet - they have, hands down, been my absolute favourite bosses!
Conversely, I've had two male bosses I absolutely despised. In both instances, they were weak, insecure, incompetent, aggressive individuals.
I've also experienced the reverse.

I’m so sorry this is upsetting. Some of the deeply unfair things I’ve heard about myself because a lot of women didn’t like me made me howl.

Your comment about not being a red flag, just being messed up and trying to survive resonates completely.

I’m an old, old MNer who rarely posts on MN these days, but posts like this make me feel like I’m five again and lacking because I somehow lack the vibes which make women/ girls think I’m worthy of being a friend somehow.

It is hurtful, small minded and lacks any understanding or empathy for anyone who is less than cookie cutter in their nature.

With our better understanding of diversity and the challenges women face to just survive in today’s toxic society, I really had hoped fora like MN would be further evolved than this. It’s just so disappointing.

@Terridactyl if you are in the market for a woman friend, you’d be more than welcome to drop me a line. 💙

I think it is a stupid statement and YANBU.

I don't have many friends, but I have always found it easier to get on with males. Like a few others on this thread, (possible) ND is a thing for me.
I have also been treated awfully in the past by other girls/women in pretty much every setting you can think of.

That is really kind, StopRightThereDavidCopperfield.

This!

I’m a nurse. For many years I worked on the same ward and some of my female colleagues were bloody awful, cliquey, judgemental and childish. The guys mainly got on, all of them went out together on golfing trips, no one excluded, gentle ribbing at times but mainly good humoured.

I always think its odd. Its difficult to be around a lot of women regularly and not make friends. Women are socialised to be friendly and most are. I would think someone with no friends had issues.

I think women are much crueller bullies.

You don't seem to like women very much so I'm surprised you're on a predominantly women's site.

I work in a male dominated industry. In my company of 60 odd there are 5 females. 4 are 100% office based and 3 of those are part time. I’m the only site based female. I have to get on with guys, most of my work day is spent with them, 99% of workplace conversations are with them. They are the guys where we know about each others families, hobbies, house buying woes, sports teams etc.

do have a couple of good female school friends (from age 11, I’m mid 30s now) but once I went to uni I really struggled to make female friends because I’m uncomfortable dressed up, makeup mostly irritates my skin and a lot of the focus was on going out out, and I wanted to be in tracksuit bottoms and trainers. My face didn’t fit. It’s not a negative on those girls (and they were girls at the time, women now). The ones on my course were never mean to me and I was always invited but it just wasn’t for me.

Now my hobbies are also mostly male dominated as well. It’s really not to say I don’t have any female friends at all, but I’m sad to say I would probably say I prefer male friends. I’m in a v long term relationship, with a lovely man. I have no interest in any of my male friends, and it’s not necessarily about thinking any sort of ulterior motive about women either. Just going for a curry with the guys is a jeans affair and we can talk about football but that going out with the girls is a dress, makeup and cocktails (based on my female acquaintances/non close friends). If I invited the girls for beer and a burger followed by top golf I’d maybe get one other, and that’s fine. I’m putting off getting married for the silly reason that I’d love a proper wedding ‘do’ but I wouldn’t say I had female friends close enough to be a bridal party and I struggle with the idea that nobody would want to come and literally start from scratch buying a dress I wouldn’t know where to start with styles etc. I don’t fee close enough to any of my female friends to even ask incase they say no and I’m disappointed. That’s on me not them!

The more I read threads the more I think maybe there is an amount of ND at play with me, but at my age and muddling by at work despite chronically overthinking and overanalysing everything which leads to terrible anxiety. Now it’s even worse because I’ve discovered people might think I’m some sort of anti-woman person as well. Can’t bloody win. Whatever happened to each to their own?

Anyone who things this statement is true hasn’t met a very wide range of women.
I know a couple of women who are autistic and one who is non binary (the old term for her I guess would he tomboy) Both are gay and both have always just got on with men as friends and not clicked with women.

Context is everything really isn't it. If you're talking about women who see it as a weird badge of honour because apparently women are just so bitchy, boring etc then it's a red flag. But sometimes it's by merit of being in male dominated hobbies and workplaces. I have very very few female friends but would absolutely love more.

I used to work in digital forensics. If you'd seen some of the videos I've seen you'd be shocked.

For example, I dealt with an IIC case (indecent images of children) where the guy had all sorts on his laptop from bestiality to ISIS beheadings etc. But what really got under my skin was the bullying vids he seemed to have a thing for - perhaps because everything else I'd already seen many times previously.

There were maybe 7-8 of these videos and they involved teenage bullies stripping their victims and filming it to post online. Most were from Asian countries (mainly China) and a couple from Eastern European countries.

The 'least disturbing' one was a Russian one where a girl of about 16yo had her hands tied behind her by her classmates (she didn't resist and was laughing awkwardly) and they then pulled up her jumper and bra, exposing her breasts, and pulled down her jeans and underwear with the whole class laughing, including loads of teenage boys. She sort of bent over to try and protect her modesty and you couldn't really see her genitalia. But she went bright red and was clearly mortified.

The worst by a long stretch was a Chinese one involving seven bullies and a victim, all around 15yo. They pulled off all her clothes and two of them held her legs open whilst the friend with the phone zoomed in and out. The victim was screaming and crying and it was honestly one of the most unsettling things I've ever seen. And it went on for well over five minutes.

The video was about 6-7 years old at the time and the victim appeared about 15yo. I remember thinking that she probably went through the rest of secondary school, sixth form, and most of uni knowing that video was online and accessible by anyone. It was posted on one of those 'reality' sites that are uncensored and feature crashes/murders/terrorist attacks/etc.

I've never seen boys doing anything close to this cruel, and I'd personally much rather be beaten up than have an explicit naked video of me watched by all my acquaintances and accessible online for almost a decade. It was chilling how the bullies were all laughing and how they all shrieked with excitement when they managed to get her pants off (a separate girl had to hold each arm whilst another pulled the pants down).

I defy anybody to watch this video and nearly ten similar ones without concluding that girls can be cruel in a calculated way that boys usually aren't. It's basically psychological torture.

I think you proved @Galadriell point there.
Her life experience may have led her to not have much faith in other women.
On MN, it seems ok to hate men in general because a few go and murder women or whatever.. but be a woman who has had bad experience with other women, and you get gaslit over it.

You're not aware of the poster's history. They're currently arguing about how women are predominantly more violent than men more likely to be abusers and how 'feminists' are the cause of everything wrong in society.

I'm not denying that girls can be cruel or bully people. I find it mystifying that someone who has so much contempt for women, who has nothing positive to say about them would spend time amongst them. I certainly wouldn't.

Men rape women and children all the time. Men sell women and children all the time.

Of course men can be as cruel as women.

The vast majority of studies conducted in the last 50 years have found that women commit similar levels of DV to men (varies a bit by study) and about 70% of non reciprocal violence. Whilst men cause more serious injury and commit more murders. However, crime data shows a completely different story which may or may not be down to mens reluctance to admit they're being abused by a woman - charities like Mankind emphasise that men not wanting to be seen as 'weak' is a real barrier to helping them.

This isn't my opinion. I'm just stating what the studies have concluded and what the charities say. I've linked every single study I've quoted on the other thread. People just don't like what they say.

I've responded to your claims in the other thread.

Men are allowed and encouraged to be independent. Women who are are sneered at. Women are expected to fit in and conform.

So women who only have male friends deserve the non-judgmental friendship of other women.

But women who do have female friends but don't want to be friends with women who don't have female friends are problematic and unfair.

Make it make sense!!!

I feel it's like some sort of Venn diagram quiz but with added internalised misogyny.