To feel sad I’m becoming less adventurous and more scared of things

[Minesacherrycoke]

I moved abroad at 23, have more or less travelled the world, loved adventure, driving in India & Morocco, staying in dodgy places, living in a whole new culture, learning new languages, not a lot phased me.
I now have a yearning to return to live in the U.K., not fly again or rarely, just lead a very safe life…feel like I’m becoming a bit scared of things/insecure
Does this just naturally happen more with age (46) or there something wrong
Does anyone else feel like this?

Yep completely. I'm 53.

I'm 54 and I don't feel like this. I still love travel, and in fact, I am travelling to the other side of the world, in a few weeks time.

What are you scared of?

*Is there something wrong

@Bibblunders The thought of the plane mainly, I used to love flying, love the whole airport experience…I don’t know..travelling and seeing new places was my ultimate favourite thing, maybe it’s age or having a child

@Objectrelations When did it start for you?

I think it happens as you get older. You’re more aware of the risks and less fit and able to handle yourself, which makes you less confident. Nowadays I get panicky about things that I would have done without thinking 20 years ago.

I have done all you did and find myself becoming more adventurous at 52, because time is running out.
I say this not to sound smug, but just to say that it is not inevitable or natural.

I will say though, that I am more discerning, as in I wouldn't stay in "dodgy" places. I'm happy to pay for nice hotels, and pay extra for flights that don't depart or arrive in the middle of the night. I am not happy to rough it, to save money, in the way that I would have done in my 20's. If that makes sense.

@Bellamari How old are you?

@Bibblunders Yes, I want to stay like that, I just assumed it was part of my character, sad it’s not really

46: it’s in the OP

I am still roughing it in hostels! Indeed at this very moment.

@HoppityBun No sorry, I was asking @Bellamari

Absolutely, I'm 45. I've moved countries several times in my life but it is becoming unsustainable as I am getting older. Like you, I am less adventorous, prefer home comforts which are difficult to achieve when constantly moving, renting etc.
Also travelling is not as it was before - delays,natural disasters/pandemics, wars etc. Plus the costs!!!!

I’ve been remembering caravan holidays in Wales as a kid and craving those this summer

This is strange to me. DH and I live for travel. Love the whole airport experience, love flying etc. I read somewhere that menopause can make you anxious. I think that is partly true, because I had anxiety about a few things a few years ago, that don't bother me now. Silly things, like someone breaking into the house when DH was at work (he does some night shifts). They don't bother me now, so it only lasted maybe a year or two. Maybe it's that? But you don't want to stop travelling at your age! Think of all the adventures you can have in retirement.

"The ship is safe in the harbour, but that's not what ships are for"

I feel the same. Was very adventurous but less so now in my mid forties.
It started when I had my children (30s), not sure why, may be some primal survival thing.
Then in my 40s it got worst, I wonder if it’s hormonal. I never experienced anxiety before and now it’s like the minor “risk” triggers it: road trip, flying, or simply the kids being away from me. I long for a quiet life somewhere isolated like an island (with my forever young children) It is weird.

I spent my youth like you and am now early 40’s. The adventure is still there but I now want a nice hotel (just clean and well located not 5*) as I don’t want to rough it any more.

I think you have to keep challenging yourself and either doing new things or repeating things you did when younger to keep the bravery there, even small things

Menopause, I assume it is evolutionary to stop us leaving the family when we no longer have kids to look after (shows evolution hates us as for a long part of history we wouldn't make it to menopause)

It is up to you how you deal with it.

I felt the fear and pushed through. But it isn't wrong if you decide that a more stable way of life is what you want.

I'm in my thirties, live a relatively adventurous life working and travelling around different countries and I also feel like this sometimes. Nostalgia, homesickness, grass is greener etc.

I also used to do extreme sports but now I don't even like to think about some of the risky things I used to do or near misses.

Having a kid has really accelerated it. Especially thinking about what she'll miss out on that I remember from my own childhood and that she has no roots where we live currently.

OP, I'm 47, and lost all desire to explore and exert myself over the last two years...... I'd also lived in three different continents, was up for anything etc...

I went from that to dreaming of returning, and wanting nothing more but to sit on a balcony all day (ideally looking at the sea), or even just wrapping myself under a duvet. I'd been massively curious about seeing the world, and suddenly lost all the curiosity. Felt very 'been there, done that (even though there are plenty places I haven't explored yet). Things made me much more anxious too.

I'm a few months into hrt now, and a little of that energy has come back now. But not all. I think I, and many women, by this stage are bloody exhausted from holding up half the sky. I'm hoping I need a rest- then will come out of this stage and refind my sense of adventure. But for now, I'm trying to embrace a slower pace and give myself a break - not be too self-judgemental about my lack of energy and curiosity....

If I'm stuck like this until I die, it's going to be a very quiet few decades! But right now, I guess I seem to need some kind of re-nesting or hibernation. Hopefully there is another chapter, when I feel ready for adventures again, waiting at the other end!

@AylesBuck Yes, a safe island with me Dd sounds amazing

I think it’s having her and probably peri at this point, it’s a shame though

I’m the same age as you and don’t think I feel more fearful than in my youth particularly, but I have stopped flying as far as possible because of the climate impact. Love a night train across Europe though!

I also think you don’t have to travel to exotic places to have adventures and challenge yourself. Do you feel in general that lack of confidence puts you off trying new things nowadays?

@Ygfrhj Where do you live?

Yes I’ve been thinking a lot about her childhood recently and wanting her to have a British one

Maybe you’re just craving a breather? I moved around a lot in my 20s and at around 30 had a strong feeling like this – I felt like I just wanted to settle in a gentle part of the UK and stay there for good. The feeling passed after I’d had a chance to catch my breath, recoup & orient myself. I was just a bit burnt out!

Listen to what your instincts are telling you and nurture your need to feel cosy and settled for a while.

What makes you think it’s to do with age?

(46 isn’t even old at all!)