To feel sad I’m becoming less adventurous and more scared of things

[Minesacherrycoke]

I moved abroad at 23, have more or less travelled the world, loved adventure, driving in India & Morocco, staying in dodgy places, living in a whole new culture, learning new languages, not a lot phased me.
I now have a yearning to return to live in the U.K., not fly again or rarely, just lead a very safe life…feel like I’m becoming a bit scared of things/insecure
Does this just naturally happen more with age (46) or there something wrong
Does anyone else feel like this?

It's normal.

Greater life experiences means greater knowledge of potential risks.

Yes. A friend of mine died suddenly in his sleep this summer, aged 58 and in apparently perfect health, swam in the sea daily and cycled everywhere. It’s made me not postpone doing things I want to do.

When I was young, I traveled all over by myself: Russia, Egypt, Yemen, drove across the US alone, all over Europe, Canada. But I’m 45 now and the urge to travel anywhere that is not safe, clean and comfortable has disappeared.

There was a thread recently asking if anyone has been on holiday to Egypt and what was it like. I went by myself twice when I was 20 to Cairo and Alexandria. I didn’t know anyone, just flew there, checked into a cheapish hotel and wandered around sightseeing with a paper map. You couldn’t pay me to do that now, even if dh went with me. Way too dangerous and the thought of food poisoning in a foreign country, nope.

Maybe if I hadn’t traveled a lot when younger I would want to now. But I feel like I’ve seen enough and anything else is a bonus, but I’m not going to take risks or be uncomfortable to travel. I know so much more about the world at 45 then I did at 20 and I understand how risky things can be.

I envy you having travelled in Yemen! By the time it was on my radar, and when I was living not too far away, it had stopped being 'slightly risky' for foreign tourists (I mean, we'd moved past the 'you might get kidnapped, but they'll probably treat you like family while you're in captivity' phase...) It won't happen any time soon, but I've always wanted to go there...

definitely happened to me, feel i'm very unadventurous but try to push myself & generally discover it's worth it

I envy you having travelled in Yemen!

Me too! I'd love to go there (not now obviously).

I've travelled loads, mostly solo and love it. Been to North and South America, quite a few countries in Africa, some in Asia, Middle East.

However, maybe now I'm late 60's and the volatile state of the world at the moment (and the awful busy airports) I have nothing planned for the near future.

I have a possibility to go solo to Japan this month - for a group meet-up - but can't be bothered, due to the expense, the long flight and worrying about earthquakes and typhoons.

Nothing planned for next year. I'll just take it as it comes. Knowing me I'll be heading to the airport at some time.

I did take my son on a lot of overseas trips and he does his own now. So that is great that he has the confidence to do that.

I would say I had this when I was in my late 40's (now mid 50s) Didn't want to go anywhere/do anything and I think mine was brought on by peri-menopause. HRT had helped for me but it doesn't for everyone, I appreciate that.

I also feel that it's fine to not want to be adventurous anymore because it's exhausting with working/kids/elderly parents etc. Adding to the list of 'things to do' like booking/arranging/packing for an abroad holiday doesn't excite me so much anymore but that's because life in general is stressful for me atm. UK holidays are more manageable for us atm.

I have been to India, Egypt, Turkey, Cambodia, Thailand, Sri Lanka, Bhutan, S. Korea and the Phillipines on my own in my 40s and 50s (when I could leave the kids with DH) My work takes me to some of these places, but I also take the chance to travel further or stay on.

Nothing too bad has happened. I don't usually get food poisoning, though I have got it once or twice, but usually in five star hotels. I am not fussed about it though. Not been assaulted or robbed, though been nervous about it a few times.

You're not alone in this...
I'm in my 30s, and due to work I do I am so hyper aware of different risks. My worst fear, especially when we travel, is some freak accident waiting to happen.
Despite that fear I don't let it to stop us from doing things, just need to have eyes "around my head"

Interesting you think it's age. I'm 43 (well tmrw!) and have been feeling thus since I turned 41 but I also had a baby at 41 and put it down to that!
I used to be sky diving, random weekends to EU countries for fun, cycling mad distances, kickboxing etc. Now a nice sedate bike ride on off road path and no heights is all I can manage!
Maybe it is just getting older and the need to set down roots?

This post has confused me 🤣

I had two distinct phases, becoming more risk averse after having children and then, when menopausal, suddenly discovering that I was no longer confident to climb up ladders and paint a bedroom window.
So far, I haven't started feeling nervous about solo travel but I have always been the kind of person who mentally risk assesses situations, ie knows where the exits are and “reads the room”.

My nephew has just moved to Japan to study for a year in Nagoya, and it's being pretty typhoon-ish already.

Mine started a few years ago. Menopause? Maybe related to seeing my mum go through cancer and how she was so dependent on others and me knowing the system to get her the right care. Also I'm now the sole adult in my boys life and its really about trying to be around for them. It's about fear and control - although it is ridiculous as there are so many things we don't have control over so it's an exercise in futility. Also I have made a few bad decisions and now can't avoid the consequences which has made me risk averse and not trust myself.

I think global geopolitics, big tech, Covid and the reality of climate change has a lot to answer for though as well.

Think of it this way. We are several different people throughout our lives. we want different things at different times. There is a particularly strong bombardment about age groups in the media at the moment, I think? I don’t really follow it but I have picked up from other people that that’s happening.

Separate your age from it and just ask yourself what you want. It doesn’t have to be a good thing or a bad thing. You do what works for you.

Well I'm "only" 20 so hope I'm not feeling like that yet but it seems perfectly "normal" among older women I know.
But really came here to say I love the fact that you listed driving as one of the things you love. So do I! Especially driving in other countries. Once I've worked out how to change gear with the right hand (!) there's no stopping me!
Well there is with a red light!

I feel exactly like you OP. I'm now 49 and perimenopausal which includes feeling very anxious. I'd happily stay here and lead a very quiet and safe life.
However! I have a very adventurous husband and daughter and living a quiet life isn't an option. We've just returned from a month travelling around Asia with 9 flights!! I was dreading it but had the most amazing time. I can't explain just how wonderful it was.
I'm glad I have DH to pull me out of my comfort zone and make sure I keep living life to the full. Without him, I'd be living a very small life.

I'm not sure it's menopause because I suddenly became like the OP in my early 30's and I just had a baby this summer

For me, it's more about nostalgia than sadness. In my mid-40s, I would rather settle down than go on a road trip. Having a stable income and preparing for retirement have become more of a priority than seeking adventure. It's just a change in my priorities and circumstances, and I suppose it's part of this phase of life.

I was thinking this the other day. In my early twenties I lived abroad for a year and travelled around. I was thinking I would probably not do that now as I would think of all the hassle it would be, even though it must be easier now with the internet!

I don’t know why I changed. Maybe I’ve just found what I like and don’t feel the need to travel, maybe I have so many plates to juggle in my daily life, adding in more complexity seems absurd.

Nearly 50, perimenopausal, one child aged six. I don't want to do some of the things I used to do (horse riding for example - used to love it, not so keen; actually not nearly as keen on pets generally as I was though love a snuggle with someone else's dog), but there's other stuff I wouldn't previously have done that I love now, like canoeing (though I am quite happy not to attempt rapids). I think we all change as we get older in different ways. It's good to interrogate that a bit. But the bottom line is that you shouldn't be shamed into continuing stuff that you don't really enjoy anymore.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here with menopause - it definitely causes anxiety. You can either let it pass or (my choice) get HRT and drive it away (while also protecting your bones and brain).
Im 59 and am becoming more adventurous - I’m willing to give anything a go again. Maybe having an adult child removes some level of responsibility, and also, as a PP said, time for being active is running out - though hopefully not for many years yet.

I feel just the same op. Glad to hear others think hormones are to blame because that was my thought too, plus lockdown and getting too used to being at home. I used to travel so much on my own. I’m not scared of anything specific now, but just general anxiety about being away. I’m really hoping to get over it enough to take my kids abroad next year.

With the more physical activities , it’s not just anxiety that makes me wary. Our bodies change with time . I remember going on a roller coaster with DS when he was about 6, so I would have been early 40s. It wasn’t scary, but we were thrown around a fair bit, and I had neck ache for several days afterwards. A couple of years later we went on a fairground ride and I was dizzy and nauseated for the rest of the day. These were clear physical symptoms that I hadn’t experienced in those situations before.