To feel sad I’m becoming less adventurous and more scared of things

[Minesacherrycoke]

I moved abroad at 23, have more or less travelled the world, loved adventure, driving in India & Morocco, staying in dodgy places, living in a whole new culture, learning new languages, not a lot phased me.
I now have a yearning to return to live in the U.K., not fly again or rarely, just lead a very safe life…feel like I’m becoming a bit scared of things/insecure
Does this just naturally happen more with age (46) or there something wrong
Does anyone else feel like this?

I noticed my anxiety growing in my mid to late 40s. For me it was linked to my drop in hormones through peri menopause. I’m a lot less anxious now, having taken HRT for two years. It creeps up on you so slowly you don’t even notice it, until things that you would previously have done without a second thought suddenly have you overthinking and anxious.

I don’t have one. It influences how I choose a hotel, but not much else.

It's weird but I don't even like watching certain things on TV - I used to really like suspense/thrillers but now I can't watch more than a bit without feeling unsettled. I started watching Hinterland the other day and just couldn't get through the first episode because it was so dark and brooding. The news makes me anxious and emotional these days too especially what's going on in Gaza with the young children at risk and so vulnerable.

@cardibach

well, lucky for you if you have no issues you need help with.

I now have underlying health issues & travelling alone is now a bit worrying.

Also thought we were talking about travelling, not holidaying.

This is a really interesting thread.

I'm 55 and I've gone through cycles like this all my adult life - periods of feeling the fear and doing it anyway, followed by almost complete inertia.

Now it does seem more difficult to be daring but I think part of that has been due to several unpleasant and out of my control life changing events that have ramped up probable hormonal changes etc.

I was widowed 2 5 years ago and since then have lost my business, had to downsize, find myself in debt which is an ongoing saga, and for the first time in my life while I don't have immediate responsibility for anyone other than my cat, and can theoretically please myself in many ways, I kind of don't know how to. I wasn't exactly completely dependent on my late DP but he was such a driving force and integral part of my life for 11 years, I really miss his enthusiasm and devil may care attitude which was infectious.

I can't imagine travelling solo at the moment - always a nervous flyer anyway, but it just feels so daunting.

I feel a huge responsibility to avoid anything that might end in tears and negatively impact my son or my family / friends as they've had enough to deal with without me getting abducted by aliens in Katmandu, because that's the sort of ridiculous thing that seems to happen to me 😅

I also find I get obsessive about door locking, fire safety etc etc which I'm aware of and working on, and stupid things like that.

I certainly don't want to spend the next 20 years wrapping myself in cotton wool and waiting for the grim reaper but sometimes it's really hard to get over myself and just stop wasting time over thinking.

I think the answer is baby steps and I'm trying to be creative to channel some of the anxiety energy into something positive like upcyclung and a prolonged Swedish death clean.

It's good to know that others feel similar though - thank you to the OP for opening up a discussion like this xxx

Goodness I was thinking of posting exactly the same thing! I'm 47 and always had the confidence of wanting to explore and experience new things. Kids ruined that but as they are growing there is whole other set of opportunities arising but I have no urge to do things and have become very anxious when I do. I've noticed a feeling of overwhelming relief when I come home like there was a knot in my stomach the whole time away, even on safe holidays. I find the planning of things stressful and the what ifs. Dh lives for holidays and we have enough income to travel and holiday a lot more as kids age but I panic at the thought.

What I find hard is the people I've confided in including DH are really dismissive if I say I'm anxious about something. I know many people who have a fear of flying for example and everyone is understanding but when I say I am really nervous of my upcoming trip I get told 'for God's sake its fine what are you even worried about'. Because I was a confident easy going person it's like people are angry that I've changed. No one ever seems to reassure me like I'm not allowed be anxious but everyone else is.

Well, you didn’t reference issues, just solo travel. And why does using a hotel preclude it being travel? Bit snobbish.
Edit: and actually, the thread is about losing confidence. Travel is just an eg of it.

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong
“Because I was a confident easy going person it's like people are angry that I've changed.”

I understand and you have my sympathy. people seem quite puzzled when I talk about how much a person changes over a lifetime.

I'm in my late 50s. Travel has been a priority for much of my life. Now with the way the world is changing politically I find that to be embarrassingly self indulgent. And tourism has wrecked so much cultures and environments. I'm living over the other side of the world from my birth place; I do go back from time to time and holiday elsewhere but am just as happy to stay at home. Travel & holidaying is only a very recent middle class indulgence. I no longer feel it's an essential part of life.

I don't think mine is anxiety. I just can't be bothered with it anymore. I feel I've seen the world and I'm quite happy now pottering at home.

When my DC were small I was afraid of my own shadow at times. There's something about the huge responsibility of keeping them safe and the unimaginable horror of something happening to them, or to you so you're not there for them, that can lead to the wish to hunker down in a safe place. I think its OK to curtail yourself a bit, as realistically the sort of things you once did aren't very conducive to looking after young DC, but it shouldn't interfere with your reasonable enjoyment of life and giving them age appropriate exciting experiences. And yes, it does come back. It did for me anyway. The older and more independent they became the less risk adverse I became.

This is a big thing. When I look at what I’ve packed into my life, I don’t know how I did it!

on MN, if you don’t want to travel it’s seen as a terrible thing. I feel lucky that I did some before globalisation and commercialisation. But if I’d never done any, what’s wrong with that.

also relate to @MistressoftheDarkSide point about different moods and different feelings in life. I tend to have stages where I’m into different things.

I realised this week that l would much rather go somewhere familiar than a new place op - never thought l would be like that!

Thanks everyone, reassuring to know others feel similar, 40’s seems far too young to be properly settled and not excited about the world at all anymore

@Minesacherrycoke you’ll probably feel excited about it another time. I was chatting to mum about something travel related and realised there was a four year gap between my last two trips. I don’t think it occurred to me to visit anywhere in the time in between.

I was a long term Londoner and that certainly makes you feel a bit reticent about dealing with anywhere that attracts tourists. I do remember a neighbour returning from the Joshua Tree area where he went camping. He said “I’ve just seen more people in the supermarket than I’ve seen in the last three weeks” and looked completely overwhelmed! That said, he must have been less irritated by the airport experience than I am. I always head straight for the quiet room in airports.

HRT changed this for me, I'm back with confidence again. It's all confidence dips.

@cardibach

snobbish 🤣🤣🤣🤣. It's not me holidaying with my husband & deriding other women actually travelling solo.🙄🙄

I don't have to give my medical details to say I feel less adventurous now than I did when I was younger

You were the one talking about booking hotels with your DH🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t have a DH, so no, I haven’t. I actually said I don’t have one in the post you responded to. I said the only thing affected by travelling alone, without the DH I don’t have, is my choice of hotel. This was short hand for accommodation, though I mostly do hotels or guest houses, and when I’m alone I choose one in a busy central area. Not sure why it’s made you so cross, but since you don’t really seem to have read what I wrote I’m guessing it’s not really about my comments.

Edit: I’m not sure where you’ve got ‘derision’ from either. Honestly, not at all sure what you are responding to. Have a look back at the quotes. If anyone was deriding anyone it was you, suggesting using a hotel is ‘holiday’ not ‘travel’ as though one is massively superior to the other and you wouldn’t be seen dead on just a holiday.