Is Sweet 16 really a big deal?

[Cantinfluenceme]

So my sister has 4 daughters, around a year between them all, the eldest of them will be 16 next month. We have just received a birthday invite in the post (I see her all the time so wondering why it had to be posted also). This invite was fancier than a wedding invitation, inviting us to her 'Sweet Sixteen' birthday celebration. In the invite is the restaurant details with a nicely worded poem letting us know that they would like our company but we pay for our own food. Also complete with a QR code with a link to an Amazon wish list for my niece.. I've had a look and presents range from £50 to £500 😳. I'm flabbergasted by the whole thing.. is this a thing? Do I have to fork out for this for the next 4 years as the other girls turn 16, then again I presume at 18 and 21??? AIBU to say this is totally over the top for a sixteenth birthday? Myself and my husband and 3 kids are all invited and will be expected to be there, I have kids of my own that are older and younger and wouldn't have even considered this age that much of a special birthday?

No. Not a big deal at all IME.

it is obviously big for your sister and her daughter

and that, is that

and if you don’t want to go, don’t

It’s a thing, but I certainly wouldn’t be shelling out for a party. But I know kids in my DD’s year had parties, but just round the house, not at a fancy restaurant. Very cheeky to have the cheapest present at £50. I guess it’s not even a party if everyone’s paying for their own meal.

I had a party for my dds 16th, but just in our house with family, she had a big cake and food which i paid for, people gave what they wanted but certainly no wishlist, that is definitely over the top!

Not in the UK no, I think it's more of a thing in the US , from my memories of reading teenage fiction and watching films like pretty in pink

Will your sister do a similar party when your niece turns 18? If yes - then having a "sweet sixteen" is a bit cheeky.
This is your sister though. You should be able to talk to her and say "I'm really sorry but we aren't going to be able to afford that".
Talk to her.

No it's not. I wouldn't go on the basis of the £50 minimum present. What on earth is she asking for?

Sounds a bit grabby to want you to pay for your own food AND buy a present from a list. Send an Amazon gift card for however much you would spend on a niece's birthday. No need to buy off the list itself. Meal out or not - up to you.

I find the whole idea a bit icky feeling, but I’m probably just jaded.

We didn't do anything different to any other birthday.

They aren't that unusual to make a fuss.
They aren't that unusual to throw a party.
They are being very entitled to send you a gift list.
The paying for your own meal would be ok at a small birthday celebration, less so at a party you're expected to provide a gift for!

Treat it as a normal birthday and don't spend more on a gift than you normally would. A family meal out for any birthday isn't unreasonable but if the restaurant is out of budget, explain this and decline.

Sweet 16?
I don't know, nobody fucked around with my generation.
What I can tell you, it's probably the last nice time you have, before adulthood turns life into surviving shit mode.
Joking just a little.
Seriously, I'm 45, made a good life for myself, but the "Sweet 16" was probably the happiest time on this Earth so far.

It's as big as you want it to be.

You don't have to go, you don't have to buy off the gift list.

It's not what I had or did but that's OK.

Is there an actual problem?

It’s fine if that’s what your DSis wants to do…..it’s also fine for you not to get on board with it….just gift the amount you normally would….no need to attend any celebration

I thought it was only in the US. I don't get baby reveal, or baby showers either.

Never heard of it here and I’ve got 3 older than that.

However, the parents nowadays seem to have special everythings. I work in a primary school and some celebrate last single digit birthday, new double digit birthday, last primary school birthday. Instead of a regular party, they’ll hire a limo to collect the children etc.

I would attend the party if you’d normally go for a meal and pay yourself anyway. But just buy the birthday gift you want to buy. No one should feel pressured to buy off an Amazon list.

As you say, start as you mean to go on. You’ll have another 3 to go.

Wow, no!
I know 15 is massive in Latinx communities, and there are song and stuff from the 1960s about Sweet 16, but culturally it’s isn’t A Thing in my experience.

My daughter and 5 nieces were 16 fairly recently (and one will be next month) and there wasn’t anything like this. They were more interested in going out with friends than big formal dinners.

Could it be that it’s just a family meal but there’s a fancy invite to make it feel more special for her? That could also explain (but not justify) the price levels of the presents?

or is it a full on (but PAYG) party with a load of friends etc?!

@Cantinfluenceme

It's not a thing. It's yet another American 'ism. 🤦‍♀️

Celebrate, have a party, that's lovely... but a link to a gift list, like a wedding, with a £50 base price?? Hell to the no!! That's tacky & grabby.

In my growing up in the uk it has always been a minor one of the special birthdays, not as big as 18, but special because legally you could do more once you hit 16 such as get married, buy cigarettes or lottery tickets, so a landmark in the transition to adulthood and being able to make your own decisions.

Nothing like the US though where its completely OTT with limos, massive garden parties, cars as gifts in some of the extreme examples.

You should go, give a voucher (they should have had that as an option on the gift list in 5/10/20/25/50 increments).

Those old songs about turning 16 - Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen, You’re Sixteen, You’re Beautiful and You’re Mine sound a bit ick now.

It used to be a bigger milestone when most left school at 16ish to go out to work and marriages and families started younger. The other big one was 21. But that’s 18 now.

“Hurray, it’s now legal to try cop off with you” 🤢