Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is Sweet 16 really a big deal?

140 replies

Cantinfluenceme · 01/09/2024 09:40

So my sister has 4 daughters, around a year between them all, the eldest of them will be 16 next month. We have just received a birthday invite in the post (I see her all the time so wondering why it had to be posted also). This invite was fancier than a wedding invitation, inviting us to her 'Sweet Sixteen' birthday celebration. In the invite is the restaurant details with a nicely worded poem letting us know that they would like our company but we pay for our own food. Also complete with a QR code with a link to an Amazon wish list for my niece.. I've had a look and presents range from £50 to £500 😳. I'm flabbergasted by the whole thing.. is this a thing? Do I have to fork out for this for the next 4 years as the other girls turn 16, then again I presume at 18 and 21??? AIBU to say this is totally over the top for a sixteenth birthday? Myself and my husband and 3 kids are all invited and will be expected to be there, I have kids of my own that are older and younger and wouldn't have even considered this age that much of a special birthday?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 01/09/2024 23:02

It's very rude to invite guests but say you have to pay for yourself and buy your niece a £50 plus gift. If you invite people you pay the bill.

Tangerinenets · 01/09/2024 23:06

Just another American thing that some people have adopted here. My daughter nor any of her friends had big 16th birthdays.

Mermaidsarereal · 01/09/2024 23:14

When I was 16 I had a house party and all of my mates got smashed on a bottle of WKD each! I won't be doing this for my DD when she turns 16, although I will pay for a party for her 18th if that's what she wants.

MooFroo · 01/09/2024 23:18

It’s all hype and show off on social media!
Madness and expensive as heck!

do you all need to go to the meal? If not then just you go and if you have a DC who is close to their cousin take them with you - rather than all 5 of you?

SamPM · 01/09/2024 23:20

They could at least cover the cost of the meal. The cheek!

SamPM · 01/09/2024 23:23

Tangerinenets · 01/09/2024 23:06

Just another American thing that some people have adopted here. My daughter nor any of her friends had big 16th birthdays.

It's not an American thing. Not in the Midwest anyway. I don't know anyone that does this. Now graduation from high school IS a big deal, much bigger deal than it was in the UK. Parties, overseas trips, money and gifts expected etc.

SamPM · 01/09/2024 23:31

FixTheBone · 01/09/2024 10:36

In my growing up in the uk it has always been a minor one of the special birthdays, not as big as 18, but special because legally you could do more once you hit 16 such as get married, buy cigarettes or lottery tickets, so a landmark in the transition to adulthood and being able to make your own decisions.

Nothing like the US though where its completely OTT with limos, massive garden parties, cars as gifts in some of the extreme examples.

You should go, give a voucher (they should have had that as an option on the gift list in 5/10/20/25/50 increments).

Where does this happen in the US? I have lived here 20 odd years and never experienced this. My own daughter and all her mates turned 16 this past year and all each of them had were simple dinners out at favourite restaurant or small gatherings at home. Nothing really that special although some got cars.

Walkaround · 02/09/2024 07:51

How unbelievably greedy and self-centred to invite people to a meal they have to pay for and expect expensive gifts. It seems to me they want your money more and your company less.

abracadabra1980 · 02/09/2024 08:01

How pretentious. I guess if it's a big deal to them then that's their choice. My daughter was happy hanging out overnight in my camper van with her friends on the drive. Plenty of time in life for restaurants 🤔

LlynTegid · 02/09/2024 08:12

CongratsOnYourLilBump · 01/09/2024 16:29

It's long been a thing in America.

But not the UK. Just do what you'd do for a normal birthday. I had relatives who politely said things like, "21 has always traditionally been the big birthday in our family, so apologies but we won't be giving a big gift for your 18th, just the usual sort." or "We don't believe in Baby Showers but will bring a gift when baby arrives." (not me, I didn't have one!) and no one took offence. I think there could be a polite way of making the point that you won't be entering the madness.

It's only going to escalate as this "Sweet 16" gets older...Prom, Result's Day, 18th, 21st, Graduation, Engagement, Hen, Bridal Shower, Wedding, Baby Showers, Sip and Sees...Expect lots of demands and CFery!

You forgot to add 'big' or 'milestone' birthdays to the list of nonsense.

Beautiful3 · 02/09/2024 08:28

It was never a thing. Turning 18 was, where you were given a key 🗝 and could have your first night out on the pop! Turning 16 is American culture, it's in all their teenage/romance films/series. Which is where it's come from! I wouldn't mind paying for my own meal because I knew upfront. I'd just gift £20 in a card like I would any other birthday.

ObliviousCoalmine · 02/09/2024 08:49

We had a family/friends bbq for my step sons 16th and he went out for dinner with his mum and her side of the family, he didn't seem bothered about a big hoopla. Some of his mates had a big thing though, one had a marquee!

Maybe it's what this one specific child wants and the rest might be more low key. You don't have to all go.

probster · 02/09/2024 08:56

Anisty · 01/09/2024 21:30

My daughter was 16 last year and just did bowling and pizza with a few pals, which we paid for. She didn't even have a cake.

However, a funny thing happened 3 years back with my son. He left home at 19 and moved a fair distance away. We don't see much of him and we didn't see him at all in the pandemic.

Anyway - during the pandemic he started seeing a girl, she moved in and it was a serious relationship by the time Britain got moving again.

So - first contact i have with this girl is when she gets in touch with me to say our son is turning 25 - ¼ century and she wants to us to help her organise a massive birthday for him as it's his 25th!!!!

And i was like what?????? 18, 21. 30 at a push. But never heard of 25 being a thing.

And never heard of 16 being a biggie either!

are they still together? @Anisty

did you refuse to get involved? she was obviously very loved up and wanted to do something special for your son. Shame to have been so scornful

RaspberryWhirls · 02/09/2024 09:00

caringcarer · 01/09/2024 23:02

It's very rude to invite guests but say you have to pay for yourself and buy your niece a £50 plus gift. If you invite people you pay the bill.

@caringcarer I completely agree, this is a cheap way to have a Tiktok sweet 16 party for likes on SM. Your sister & her dd are cheeky fuckers expecting people to pay to attend their celebration.

Original poster
Cantinfluenceme · 02/09/2024 09:26

RaspberryWhirls · 02/09/2024 09:00

@caringcarer I completely agree, this is a cheap way to have a Tiktok sweet 16 party for likes on SM. Your sister & her dd are cheeky fuckers expecting people to pay to attend their celebration.

Show quote history

My sis is obsessed with social media and posts constantly.. so yes I do believe this is partly 'All for the gram'.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 09:26

would i be right in thinking that you and your sister aren’t…. close?

Original poster
Cantinfluenceme · 02/09/2024 15:42

probster · 02/09/2024 09:26

would i be right in thinking that you and your sister aren’t…. close?

🙄🙄 our closeness has nothing to do with my question.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 15:50

Cantinfluenceme · 02/09/2024 15:42

🙄🙄 our closeness has nothing to do with my question.

Show quote history

and that’s my answer!

Original poster
Cantinfluenceme · 02/09/2024 16:18

probster · 02/09/2024 15:50

and that’s my answer!

Show quote history

It really isn't your answer! As I said in my OP we see each other all the time, and the answer to your question is yes, we actually are very close. Just very different people, and I wanted to ask on here if this Sweet 16 celebration is normal or not! As I really didn't make a big deal for my daughter when she turned 16, was I missing something?

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 16:22

Cantinfluenceme · 02/09/2024 16:18

It really isn't your answer! As I said in my OP we see each other all the time, and the answer to your question is yes, we actually are very close. Just very different people, and I wanted to ask on here if this Sweet 16 celebration is normal or not! As I really didn't make a big deal for my daughter when she turned 16, was I missing something?

Show quote history

mumsnet has taught me that simply because posters see family “all the time”, does not mean they are necessarily “close”

So you’re “very close” to your sister

and chose to start a pretty outing thread about her (oh and she’s obsessed with SM and likely doing it for likes) and her grabiness

This is the first time she’s behaved like this and not her character? or this one example of a litany of similar?

Flossflower · 02/09/2024 16:24

I don’t think you can be close to your sister. If my sister had done something like this I would have no hesitation in asking her what on earth she thought she was doing and we would still part on good terms.

probster · 02/09/2024 16:25

Flossflower · 02/09/2024 16:24

I don’t think you can be close to your sister. If my sister had done something like this I would have no hesitation in asking her what on earth she thought she was doing and we would still part on good terms.

exactly

i’d be “Sis!! what’s all this about?!”

but it’s unfathomable my sister would do this anyway
and unfathomable my response would be to start a mumsnet about her

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 02/09/2024 16:26

probster · 02/09/2024 16:22

mumsnet has taught me that simply because posters see family “all the time”, does not mean they are necessarily “close”

So you’re “very close” to your sister

and chose to start a pretty outing thread about her (oh and she’s obsessed with SM and likely doing it for likes) and her grabiness

This is the first time she’s behaved like this and not her character? or this one example of a litany of similar?

Show quote history

What's your beef? Just because she's close to her sister doesn't mean she thinks the sun shines out of her arse.

probster · 02/09/2024 16:27

As I really didn't make a big deal for my daughter when she turned 16, was I missing something?

are you that unsure of your parenting op?

and surely you could see the types of celebrations all her friends had to know you weren’t “missing something”

probster · 02/09/2024 16:27

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 02/09/2024 16:26

What's your beef? Just because she's close to her sister doesn't mean she thinks the sun shines out of her arse.

Show quote history

what’s my beef? 😕

Swipe left for the next trending thread