Is Sweet 16 really a big deal?

[Cantinfluenceme]

So my sister has 4 daughters, around a year between them all, the eldest of them will be 16 next month. We have just received a birthday invite in the post (I see her all the time so wondering why it had to be posted also). This invite was fancier than a wedding invitation, inviting us to her 'Sweet Sixteen' birthday celebration. In the invite is the restaurant details with a nicely worded poem letting us know that they would like our company but we pay for our own food. Also complete with a QR code with a link to an Amazon wish list for my niece.. I've had a look and presents range from £50 to £500 😳. I'm flabbergasted by the whole thing.. is this a thing? Do I have to fork out for this for the next 4 years as the other girls turn 16, then again I presume at 18 and 21??? AIBU to say this is totally over the top for a sixteenth birthday? Myself and my husband and 3 kids are all invited and will be expected to be there, I have kids of my own that are older and younger and wouldn't have even considered this age that much of a special birthday?

Expecting you to pay for food and an expensive present is very strange.

My daughter's friend had her 16th recently and she invited the whole family. It was also in a big fancy hall and had a fancy invitation. However meals were provided and the food was delicious. It was pretty light hearted to be honest. And nothing was mentioned about gifts at all - I just gave a £40 gift card on behalf of the whole family.

They have 4 girls and they are buying into an expensive old fashioned US import. Trying to cut costs by having guests pay for their own meals.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to go.

Puzzling that it is a thing parents here consider at all. I’m guessing it’s a girl thing only. Peak sexist nonsense

Can't imagine my sons wanting a sweet 16🤣

lol, what a load of performative shit! Take it they watch The Kardashians etc…. A card and present and smallish party are plenty. What do you do for the 21st if 16 is everything.

What bothers me about Sweet Sixteen is it seems to only apply to girls, not boys. Why is that? It feels icky to me - 'congrats now a bloke can legally shag you without being labelled a nonce'

It's fine for your sister to make a big fuss and take it seriously if she thinks it's important.
It's not fine to expect her family to foot the bill.
Inviting people to a party you're not intending to pay for and then including a gift registry is just tacky behaviour, regardless if it's for a wedding, a birthday or anything else.
Either go to the meal if you want to or say sorry you can't make it if not, and put £20 in a card for your niece.

bloody hell

talk about seeing shadows!!

People who make such a big deal of things like this should carry a warning, or have to wear something identifiable.

YANBU for not wanting to fall for such nonsense.

Bloody hell that is so cheeky!

It would be one thing if they were putting on a nice party, still a bit OTT but fair enough if that’s what they want to do…but no they are essentially asking people to come for a meal (that they themselves pay for) AND want you all to buy a present that is £50 min!

I would tell your sister to get her head out her arse - especially if she’s planning on doing the same for the others! So entitled.

I don’t think that’s a thing….It use to be more of a big deal because 16 was seen as a stage in ‘growing up’ and more of a milestone. Yes you can legally have sex, but also legally marry, get a job and start thinking about being independent and responsible for your own future.

However now-a-days a 16 year old is practically treated like a little child who isn’t responsible for their own actions/behaviour because they are sooooo young - and we wonder why the majority are the way they are…..🙄

* we wonder why the majority are the way they are*

do you have much to do with 16 year olds?

It would seriously piss me off if I received a super fancy - and no doubt expensive - invitation basically asking me to spend lots of money. It's all very pretendy for Instagram, isn't it? If you have the means, I'd perhaps go to the meal but I'd be swerving the guest list. She'd be getting a voucher for whatever pish she has on this extravagant list.

Great to celebrate but to have a gift lift is insane and you need to tell them they have overstepped the bounds of reasonable behaviour.

A posted invite to invite you out to a meal when everyone is paying for themselves is just very strange. With a gift registery. Very odd. I'd get my niece a nice gift, but I'd pull my sister up on the strange party, otherwise you're looking at this for everyone else as well. Others will be thinking the same.

I'd expect an invite to a party (that I'm not paying for).

‘Sweet’ is sexist tripe.

i’d skip the party and send cash or voucher for whatever you usually spend

It use to be more of a big deal because 16 was seen as a stage in ‘growing up’ and more of a milestone. Yes you can legally have sex, but also legally marry, get a job and start thinking about being independent and responsible for your own future.

I’m not trying to argue with you specifically but this doesn’t really explain why it’s just for girls though?

People are free to celebrate their birthdays however they want but having a code that links you to a wish list of expensive items is really tacky imo.

It's long been a thing in America.

But not the UK. Just do what you'd do for a normal birthday. I had relatives who politely said things like, "21 has always traditionally been the big birthday in our family, so apologies but we won't be giving a big gift for your 18th, just the usual sort." or "We don't believe in Baby Showers but will bring a gift when baby arrives." (not me, I didn't have one!) and no one took offence. I think there could be a polite way of making the point that you won't be entering the madness.

It's only going to escalate as this "Sweet 16" gets older...Prom, Result's Day, 18th, 21st, Graduation, Engagement, Hen, Bridal Shower, Wedding, Baby Showers, Sip and Sees...Expect lots of demands and CFery!

It is not a US thing.. What you watch in the movies is over the top. Don't t go if you don't want to but don't blame us for this party.

I wouldn’t say it is just for girls, there was that American TV show “My Super Sweet 16” I think it was called with the OTT parties and that had boys and girls as the hosts.

It could get very expensive! You may well find there are a couple of years that contain a 21st, an 18th, and a 16th in very short succession if there are 4 of them!

I would speak to her and explain that you won't be attending as it sets a precedent for you with your neices/nephews (her other children) when they turn 16, 18, 21; that you didn't do anything like this for your own kids: give all the reasons you've listed here. Then end a gift you can afford or a voucher.

Be clear that you're not negotiating on this matter. Don't get drawn into a discussion.

Didn't anyone ever watch My Super Sweet 16 where extremely rich kids had thousands spent on celebrating their 16th? It was a mix of girls and boys and totally obnoxious, someone always had a meltdown because they received diamond shoes that were way too small!

Another imported American pile of hyped up crap for hard pressed parents to deal with and low income teenagers to be bullied about.

Yeah I did and mentioned this show a few posts ago when PP tried to make out sweet 16s are only for girls and the poster before - that they are some how celebrating girls being of legal age to have sex….Nah it was much more about rich entitled brats being spoilt by their idiotic parents encouraging them to think the world revolves around them. (Male and female) Was entertaining in its own way though 🤣