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Original poster

Weirdest/funniest moments about having a baby that no one warns you about?

145 replies

ElizaGolightly · 31/08/2024 20:47

AIBU that no one warns you about completely surreal moments having a baby/child?

For example, I've been promised that nipple shields will save my life when breastfeeding my 2nd. I put them on - I now have plastic cones on my boobs that give Madonna a run for her money. So glam! Also who has the longest nipples in the world enough for these things!

DC2 sleeps very loudly. DH and I decide to DTD and he starts grunting (DC2 not DH). I realise shushing him works slightly so all the way through we alternate shushing the baby while trying to still concentrate.

Is it me that parenting is completely surreal sometimes and no one warns you that you will say and do things that are completely mad? Please tell me we aren't the only ones who have lost our minds and any dignity we once had?

OP posts:
NoEffingWay · 31/08/2024 20:50

There is no dignity in looking after a baby or a toddler. The most surreal was taking a very unsettled DS on the tube, the only way to stop him crying was by singing ba ba black sheep on a loop. It was a bit deranged but then so was the idea that we could drag a 1 year old round central london and call it a holiday! ConfusedGrin

Lammveg · 31/08/2024 20:54

DD projectile shat when she was about 3 weeks old and it hit the wall about 1 metre away. I was in disbelief scrubbing shit off the wall in my pyjamas.

Sparklybanana · 31/08/2024 20:59

That you rock shopping trolleys back and forth regardless of if there is a baby present...

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 31/08/2024 21:05

Lammveg · 31/08/2024 20:54

DD projectile shat when she was about 3 weeks old and it hit the wall about 1 metre away. I was in disbelief scrubbing shit off the wall in my pyjamas.

DD once shat while DH was holding her. It somehow went out the leg of her nappy, out the leghole of her vest and between the poppers of her babygro to hit the floor. The nappy stayed completely clean. It was completely surreal.

Marmaladelover · 31/08/2024 21:10

That if you use your expensive Le Creuset colander to scoop out unmentionables in the home birthing pool ( well husband did ) you will never want to use it in the kitchen again! Trust me , I know ( but forgave him!)

notanarchaeologist · 31/08/2024 21:12
  1. Once opened the window to the postman as I couldn't open the door and afterwards realised my breast was fully on show. To his credit he didn't even flinch
  2. Went to boots to buy a dummy after enduring hours of screaming, got back and realised I had on odd shoes and mascara all down my face
  3. Rocking back and forth on the rocking chair singing 'soft kitty warm kitty' for about an hour and thinking I genuinely was losing my mind a bit at this new reality

Those are the stand out funny moments from the first few months with DC1

As for crazy facts of the brave new world...second the trolley one. Would add that it astounds me how its totally normal with other parents of young kids to be able to have 3 threads of chat going on simultaneously and converse whilst being continually interrupted

Also before kids I used to hear people moaning about their kids and wonder why people became parents if they hate their offspring so much and what a miserable existence it sounded like. Now I understand you'd go to the end of the earth for them some days and because of them other days...and can communicate which type of day it is with just one facial expression with other mums in the playground ! 😂

FanofLeaves · 31/08/2024 21:13

That the bowel movement I endured after my planned c sec was like the natural birth I hadn’t had, and the result nearly as big as my newborn son.

Happierthaneverr · 31/08/2024 21:17

When my DC come back from relatives houses and they smell all wrong to me, like the smells of those people has been rubbed all over them

Sharontheodopolodous · 31/08/2024 21:17

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 31/08/2024 21:05

DD once shat while DH was holding her. It somehow went out the leg of her nappy, out the leghole of her vest and between the poppers of her babygro to hit the floor. The nappy stayed completely clean. It was completely surreal.

Edited
Show quote history

I'd just potty trained dd2 (I'm going back a few years) and she'd not had an accident for a few weeks

We where in a charity shop,I'm looking at the books,she's playing with the toys and I suddenly smell THAT smell

Shed managed to shit all over the floor (thank god for laminate)

It was awful,people where slipping in it,she was stood (looking innocent) next to it and the smell was unreal

I managed to clean the floor and was handing out babywipes to everyone-they kindly allowed me to use their loo to clean her up

Not a mark-her pants,jeans,legs,shoes and socks where spotless

Me?

I was covered in her poo and had to do the walk of shame home to have a shower and get changed

shellyleppard · 31/08/2024 21:21

My eldest did a huge poo in the bath. Then screamed while his dad showered him and I cleaned the bath 😳😳

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 31/08/2024 21:22

Sparklybanana · 31/08/2024 20:59

That you rock shopping trolleys back and forth regardless of if there is a baby present...

Agreed. Still do it. DS is 19...

At one point you will take a perfectly clean and calm baby and strip and bathe them because someone wearing perfume (or just someone with strong washing powder/fabric conditioner) has cuddled them and they smell completely off to you.

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 31/08/2024 21:23

It’s funny how quickly be you can forget the awfulness of the phase before. DS (4) was playing in the paddling pool with his DCousin (2). When they finished they were both running around naked. It didn’t occur to DH and I that Dcousin wasn’t potty trained… until he stopped and took a massive dump in the middle of the lounge floor.

Echobelly · 31/08/2024 21:29

The odd things you find you find yourself saying to toddlers. I actually once had call to say 'No, don't put the owl in the euphonium', also 'Pants first, dinosaur adventure later'

MissL21 · 31/08/2024 21:33

My DS1 was about 6 weeks old, we went out for mothers day for our first lunch out with the rest of my family. All was going well, everyone had a cuddle with DS, he was passed back to me. Suddenly, I felt a very warm sensation all over the front of me.... our first, very extreme, stinking poonami had happened. I was covered in shit and we had to leave...

Beforetheend · 31/08/2024 21:38

struggling to think of something to talk about that didn’t involve the contents of a nappy when asked about my day.

CaveMum · 31/08/2024 21:39

That for years after your kids are no longer toddlers/pre-schoolers, you will find yourself driving down the road and randomly pointing out tractors/cows/lorries (delete as appropriate) 🤣

elliejjtiny · 31/08/2024 21:39

Ds1 was about 3 months old and had done his fair share of exploding poos. We were at the baby clinic and a baby girl about ds's age did one of those massive leaky poos that go up their back and down their trousers. I feel so stupid now but until then I thought only boy babies did that! I don't remember my sister ever doing it when she was a baby and I just didn't think a girl baby would do something so unladylike!

AgileGreenSeal · 31/08/2024 21:49

Holding my baby up on my shoulder (in the winding position) in the front row in church singing away happily during worship only to get a tap on my other shoulder from the woman behind and be informed “your baby’s just been sick all down your back”. 😐

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/08/2024 21:59

No-one is ever prepared for parenting but I was fortunate in that I was about as prepared as I could have been. I had studied childcare and worked in a nursery, I had worked with newborns, I had a lot of babies in my family, grown up with little brothers and sisters I helped bring up because my parents were alcoholics, I had nieces and nephews etc etc. We TTCed for a long long time and I spent a lot of that time constantly on forums and chatrooms. I read every book going. Even at my antenatal classes I knew the answers already to pretty much all the questions we were asked.
But I was NEVER prepared for Weetabix poo. What the fuck was that? Wiping and wiping with all those little grainy bits just sticking to their bums or balls or worse in the girl crevices. Unbelievable that no-one, not one single soul, ever thought to warn me about Weetabix poo.

brimfulofpacha · 31/08/2024 22:01

Oh good @orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements you've given me a horrible flashback there! Bananas I think it was. JFC the endless wiping of tiny black bits!

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/08/2024 22:01

Oh and does anyone still rock? 😄 I used slings a lot and whenever I was stood still at a bus stop, train station, in a queue etc I would just sway slightly or rock the pram.
My kids are now 6 and 11 but I still rock the supermarket trolley and if I am stood still in a queue I still sway. I must look crazy 😂

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/08/2024 22:02

brimfulofpacha · 31/08/2024 22:01

Oh good @orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements you've given me a horrible flashback there! Bananas I think it was. JFC the endless wiping of tiny black bits!

Oh and that's another one! I never knew bananas stain clothes like that! Horrible black stains!

AgileGreenSeal · 31/08/2024 22:03

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/08/2024 22:01

Oh and does anyone still rock? 😄 I used slings a lot and whenever I was stood still at a bus stop, train station, in a queue etc I would just sway slightly or rock the pram.
My kids are now 6 and 11 but I still rock the supermarket trolley and if I am stood still in a queue I still sway. I must look crazy 😂

I sway. My youngest is 30. I sway even worse in the company of mums with babies. 🤦‍♀️

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 31/08/2024 22:03

Lammveg · 31/08/2024 20:54

DD projectile shat when she was about 3 weeks old and it hit the wall about 1 metre away. I was in disbelief scrubbing shit off the wall in my pyjamas.

DD1 did this. Years later I dropped something tiny near where it had been. I had to get down on my knees to pick it up. Turns out DH hadn't done such a thorough job of the skirting board 😂

BettyBoobles · 31/08/2024 22:05

Marmaladelover · 31/08/2024 21:10

That if you use your expensive Le Creuset colander to scoop out unmentionables in the home birthing pool ( well husband did ) you will never want to use it in the kitchen again! Trust me , I know ( but forgave him!)

The poshest/ most MC thing I have ever read on Mumsnet.