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Original poster

Partner hates me

129 replies

Whatwear · 31/08/2024 20:00

My partner hates me he's always accusing me of causing arguments looks at skinny women when I'm a very big size 18 I'm trying to lose weight im nearly 1 stone down I think he hates e because I don't look attractive my stomach isn't flat ky boobs aren't perky I'm a brunette not blonde skinny or attractive in any way he tells I'm to big to wear nice clothes and that I should cover up im so insecure and don't deserve to live because I don't look at certain way I'm so insecure we're always arguing and I'm always crying

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwear · 01/09/2024 11:36

I think If I sorted out my issues it could work out some day I don't know he isn't as horrible as iv maf him out to be he's got terrible anxiety he doesn't go out the house unless he has to so hel go to work and come straight home or pick our young daughter from school when I'm working but that's all nothing else hel get stuff delivered because he can't face leaving the house he isn't all the bad guy we're both not great..

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PortiaWithNoBreaks · 01/09/2024 11:47

You poor thing OP. You sound like you’re in a lot of emotional pain. Have you tried any kind of counselling or talking therapy? I think you can self refer.

Are you on long term contraception like the injection? Reason I ask is that I know a couple of women who suffered from terrible side effects that really affected their mood, their view of themselves and gained lots of weight.

Katemax82 · 01/09/2024 12:38

Get rid of him he's destroying you

Original poster
Whatwear · 01/09/2024 13:32

Hes Just told me it's over 😭 we argued I told him still upset because of how you treat me yesterday..

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Original poster
Whatwear · 01/09/2024 13:34

Whatwear · 01/09/2024 13:32

Hes Just told me it's over 😭 we argued I told him still upset because of how you treat me yesterday..

He said go and be like your mum I said well go and be like yours then his dad was an acholic he died when he was 17 he said something first so I said it in return.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 01/09/2024 13:51

I’m sorry OP. It hurts now and you have a lot to think about, but I really do think he’s done you both a favour.

You need to do some work on your emotional wellbeing. Build yourself up x

Timaelh · 01/09/2024 14:12

Yellowpingu · 31/08/2024 20:05

You can instantly lose loads of weight by ditching him.

Spot on

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/09/2024 14:22

It’s not your weight or your brunette hair that’s the problem. I think deep down you know that. Why are with someone who treats you like that and brings you down. Just tell him off his pop and go and find a skinny blond with perky boobs. Mind you if she’s got an ounce of sense she’ll hoof him to kerb before they even get as far as the first date.!
Also is he so perfect fine dashing and dazzling. Does he make the whole of the female population go weak at the knees and turn into liquid.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/09/2024 14:23

Oh it’s over Good. God help the next poor unsuspecting women who ends up with this prick.

StSwithinsDay · 01/09/2024 22:07

Hes Just told me it's over

Good. At least one of you is able to make a decision.

Original poster
Whatwear · 01/09/2024 22:10

I've been working this afternoon Till 8 I came home and complete silent he didn't even look up at me when I walked into the room iv gone to bed with a bru.

OP posts:
Whenwillitgetwarm · 01/09/2024 22:13

Hmmmm…

Original poster
Whatwear · 01/09/2024 22:35

Iv nowwhere else to go other than upstairs out of the way..

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Original poster
Whatwear · 01/09/2024 22:49

Iv been crying at work honestly just wish my life was different he's going to be OK with his job still intact only having his kids once a fortnight he's already refused to help me it we ever split and he will move on while I'm a single mum on benefits with nothing life's so unfair fathers seem to just carry on while the mums have to literally start again..

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ClockwiseHoneysuckle · 02/09/2024 12:10

Whatwear · 31/08/2024 20:08

He started on me at 5 o'clock he's got severe anxiety I woke him up from a nap like he asked me to i agreed then we I did he started being really nasty and snappy saying I was forcing him to go out for tea which he suggested before hand he's a prick I never pressured him into anything at all iv been crying because of him I really could kill him today..

I don't believe for a minute he has severe anxiety: he makes it up to try and keep you in line. Get him out of your life, seriously.

ClockwiseHoneysuckle · 02/09/2024 12:12

Whatwear · 31/08/2024 20:11

It's over the years it's because Iv accused him of looking at blonde skinny women in particular I don't like him going out because I don't trust he won't be looking at other women he started on me today I'm devastated 😭

To be fair, you can't keep him prisoner in the house. Does it really matter if he looks at anyone else? You're better off without him anyway.

ClockwiseHoneysuckle · 02/09/2024 12:16

Contact Women's Aid, find out about your entitlement to benefits, and make plans to get out.

Thesheerrelief · 02/09/2024 12:42

You can drop the rope. If he says "go and be like your mum," you don't have to lash back. Make a decision that you're done, drop the 'tit for tat replies' rope and take a big step back mentally. Sounds like you are both unhappy and a separation could be the best thing to happen to you. It'll give you the time, peace and space to work on your own mental health. What he chooses to do is up to him. Also better for the children not to be in a stressful environment.

Original poster
Whatwear · 02/09/2024 13:32

He is suicidal once he went on to the top of a bridge he'd do it again and the blood will be on my hands he's already told me hel do it and make sure my life isn't worth living and kids will hate me for it and hel make sure his sister takes the kids of me to live with her when he dies I do think we need to separate in a way that won't hurt the kids as much you know they will be devastated they screamed and cried last time he left it was horrific can't put them through that they love there dad I can't take that away from them I'm not going to stop him being a dad because he's good to our kids.

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Thesheerrelief · 02/09/2024 13:58

What he does or doesn't do is down to him. Not you. If all this drama is playing out in front of the kids they are already traumatised. Why was him leaving done in front of them? You can save them and yourself from future pain and trauma by putting a stop to this. You ending an unhealthy and abusive relationship is not stopping him from being a dad. Give them a shot at a more peaceful future. If he's saying it's over then you can say, "Yes; it's the right thing to do for all of us, especially the children. Let's do this in a respectful way." Then don't get drawn in to his drama. And don't create more.

Step back. Drop the rope. For all your sakes.

LittleMissLateForWorkAgain · 02/09/2024 17:33

But if someone wants to commit suicide they will. It is not on anyone else and shouldn't be used as emotional blackmail or a bargaining tool.

The only 2 people I knew who committed suicide (friends when I was in my 20s) didn't tell anyone.

Being a single mum on benefits is better than being in a bad relationship
It's also not a forever thing.
I was a single mum on benefits when my partner walked out on me when dc were little and I have a good job in a school now so I am self sufficient.

I used my years on benefits and part time shop or cleaning jobs to get further qualifications.

My dc have nothing to do with my ex partner now having seen him for the pathetic man he is.

And believe me your partner cannot just decide dc will live with his sister if he's no longer around. You are their mum.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 02/09/2024 18:34

Whatwear · 02/09/2024 13:32

He is suicidal once he went on to the top of a bridge he'd do it again and the blood will be on my hands he's already told me hel do it and make sure my life isn't worth living and kids will hate me for it and hel make sure his sister takes the kids of me to live with her when he dies I do think we need to separate in a way that won't hurt the kids as much you know they will be devastated they screamed and cried last time he left it was horrific can't put them through that they love there dad I can't take that away from them I'm not going to stop him being a dad because he's good to our kids.

That's a common thing abusive men say to keep their abused partner in-line. He won't do it.
And, as others have said, he is responsible for his actions, not you.

Have you spoken to women's aid?

Original poster
Whatwear · 03/09/2024 00:42

Hes ended it for me told me it's over and that he hates my guts he's looking for a house and then leaving he can go ASAP I haven't stopped crying since 😭😭😭

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MorrisseyGladioli · 03/09/2024 01:11

Once he went on top of a bridge, and yet here he is, still threatening.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 03/09/2024 10:21

Whatwear · 03/09/2024 00:42

Hes ended it for me told me it's over and that he hates my guts he's looking for a house and then leaving he can go ASAP I haven't stopped crying since 😭😭😭

I know you're struggling to see it, but this is a blessing.

He's doing this to punish you, by the way, if you accepted it and were less upset he'd be threatening suicide again. His behaviour is designed to control you, by emotionally driving you to despair, grief & fear he keeps control over you.

Grieve, op, but let him go. You will be happier, safer and your life will be 100x better without him in it.