Partner hates me

[Whatwear]

My partner hates me he's always accusing me of causing arguments looks at skinny women when I'm a very big size 18 I'm trying to lose weight im nearly 1 stone down I think he hates e because I don't look attractive my stomach isn't flat ky boobs aren't perky I'm a brunette not blonde skinny or attractive in any way he tells I'm to big to wear nice clothes and that I should cover up im so insecure and don't deserve to live because I don't look at certain way I'm so insecure we're always arguing and I'm always crying

I want to make it work it's gone sour over the years because I'm insecure jealous but it's hard no to be when he's looking at gorgeous women something I definitely am not were good when we're not fighting.

I'm talking about myself not others I feel and look very big at my size I don't look at others and judge it's myself I focus on..

OP I’m. It sure how much of what you said in your first post is coming from him or from you. Is there a chance you are projecting your insecurities onto him?

My advice would be to work on your insecurities with a therapist or counsellor. Even if he really is eyeballing skinny blondes, you need to pick your self-esteem of the floor.

OP is talking about how she feels about herself. But please go ahead and make her crisis about you.

This relationship sounds very toxic for both of you. He can't just stay in because you don't want him to look at what you perceive to be more attractive women. The relationship needs to end, for both of your sakes. Is he the father of your children? If so, surely he will have some responsibility for child care - I presume at present he is caring for them until 8 at the moment ?

I bet he’s not a great looker himself.

The best way for you to feel better is to get rid of him.

How would you feel if your daughter’s partner spoke to her like that?

How would you feel if your son spoke to his partner like that?

They are looking at what’s happened in their home and thinking this is normal. It isn’t.

Your poor kids.

This relationship is toxic.

If you and DP are happy living like this then that’s on you but your kids are the ones who are suffering most.

One of you needs to be a good parent and remove the kids from this situation/leave/ask the other person to leave.

I see anyone but me to be honest il getting therapy for my issues but today he's been really nasty to me for no reason I'm very upset and hurt he's on his phone smiling watching tik tok I don't know what he's kind of attractive women he even deddrob there I hate myself and my size I feels so worthless..

Don't lose weight to be "sexy for him". You lose weight if YOU want to and for YOU.
Let's say you get down to a size 8 or 10 will you then feel you should bleach your hair?
Have plastic surgery for bigger perkier boobs?
What about when you age? Try to keep young to be "sexy for him"?

It sounds like a toxic relationship that's killing your self esteem.
You should end it.
You do not deserve this.

Your partner is a fucking bullying coward who is too afraid to be on his own to leave the relationship, so just spends every day being toxic and nasty, trying make you feel as shit as possible. This isn’t love. Get rid of him - your self esteem will thank you for it.

He says he doesn't have a preference on a woman's size or hair colour but I've always seen him notice thin women he used to like that holly valance before she aged she's very beautiful exactly the opposite to me she's not an ugly fat bitch like me i hate how I look he's says he won't botjer about ageing and all that lot but get mixed signals I came out room ready to go out when he said have you got something of cover up with you've got a front pouch it hurts me to be body shamed

From the beginning I don’t know if your insecurities were based on gut feelings or past relationships .

It litterally doesn’t sound healthy .

you need a job what hours does partner work as i imagine one of you finish at a reasonable time ?

it will do your self esteem the world of good.

but it doesn’t sound healthy for either .

Is he really saying all these things or are you putting words in his mouth, followed by a, "don't you". My brother was married to a woman who spoke in much the same way as you are. She would go batshit crazy if she saw him reading a newspaper, accusing him of only looking at the page 3 model, when he wasn't. Would berate him and physically attack him if he was watching TV and a woman came on the screen. She would scream at him, "you want to fuck her don't you. You dirty cheating bastard". He ended up avoiding women as much as possible because she accused him of fucking any woman who even walked past him. She was even jealous of attention he paid to our mum and 6 year old me. She was very slim and pretty but her insecurities were out of control. He wasn't a cheater, a flirt and didn't leer or make comments to women. Was a one woman kind of man.

I'm sorry if this is not the case but you're reminding me of her.

I was a size 18 about 5 years... and I wasn't very big the national average is indeed a 16.

We don't know you OP but you are not a "fat ugly bitch". Putting yourself down like that will destroy you.

It sounds like your self esteem is on the floor and the relationship isn't helping.

Fwiw I was a size 18, went down to a size 10 and there were still things I hated about my looks but I was in a bad place at the time.

I m now size 14/16 so need to lose a bit too but I don't call myself names.

Be kinder to yourself

Because of the time he finishes I have an agreement with the management that I can work 3-8s on weekdays and if I'm working the weekends I do the 2_8s he finishes at 2 then I meet half way with our toddler then I go to work until 8pm he's already told me he won't help me to keep my job if we split so I'm buggered that way..

It's council house we live together.

He’s a bully, no attention is better than some

I'm getting therapy when they decide to rearrange my session that they cancelled on me I have very low self esteem i think badly of myself especially when we had a disagreement iv tried my hardest over past few weeks but today he has dragged me back down he was really nasty to me for no reason he owes me an apology big time im very upset he's ignoring me while he's on his phone like always there's always right attractive women on there as well i hate il never be as good as them..

No I ain't that bad but I do watch to see he's looking around I look over to see if he's looking at the TV I look over to see who's on his phone iv never seen him look at anyone my size there always slimmer and beautiful I hate it that's he's with me but Prefers to look at beautiful women instead...

It's better to leave him OP, then someone else can deal with him, one day the loser will get his comeuppance and you'll be free to live your life free of him.

I'm not a troll make me feel even worse why don't you go away get of my post 😭

This isn’t about you. Have some empathy

…so … I’m fat .. short & fat .. size 24 . I’ve been married for 20 years. There are people, in public life, that my husband thinks are attractive .. and there are people I think are attractive. This has zero effect on our relationship, because we love and trust each other. He’s never made me feel bad about my weight, and I also don’t feel bad about my weight .. he loves me, and I love me.

People are always going to see others on TV or in Films, that are attractive, and who probably look a lot different to us (let’s face it, they wouldn’t be on TV if they looked as average as the rest of us !)

This is about how you feel about yourself, you can be as attractive as a size 18, as a size 8 .. it’s about being confident and comfortable in yourself. If you felt that way, it wouldn’t matter who he looked at.

The confidence isn’t going to come solely from loosing weight, you need to learn to love an accept yourself.

You may have a future with your partner, it’s hard to tell if he is awful, or you are putting words into
his mouth, due to your own insecurities.