Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour conflict

130 replies

Amumof287 · 31/08/2024 11:16

Sure this is a common problem. We have lived in our house 4 years. Our neighbour is a lady who lives there with her adult son. I guess he’s in his 30s.

our 7 year old loves football. He plays football outside for perhaps an hour a day maximum on the days we’re home. In the summer holidays we’ve been away for 3 weeks. The other 3 weeks he has played outside. We are a family who go out a lot and he does multiple clubs, we’re always at the park etc so it’s certainly not excessive. 2 weeks of the holidays he was at football camp all day ever day in the week.

since we’ve lived here he’s knocked on her door to ask for his football back maybe 6 times in total. The last time he asked she said no. Balls do go over her fence sometimes, not every day. But unfortunately we don’t have a large garden and it does happen. We have asked him to try not to do it. Usually we just wait for them to be thrown back.

he’s never broken anything in her garden. She doesn’t have any plants/pots or anything like that. They just land on the grass.

she’s posted a very long letter though my door this morning saying it’s very disruptive when he knows on the door and can I stop them going over.

so my solution is I stop him playing football outside or I try to put up some kind of net? Has anyone done this? Any recommendations? Or ways to make the fence higher?

in total I would say she throws a ball back once a week in the summer and never in the winter since the garden gets too muddy to play. He’s a really polite little boy. We have a little girl who causes her no issues at all. We’re not a noisy family, as I say we’re detached anyway.

shes never ever complained about it at all to my face, just posted a letter and ran off. She’s also complained about us parking outside her house which I don’t understand because we don’t do that. And we live on a quiet road with hundreds of parking spaces. She lives next to the circle at the of the cul de sac which is always empty and she has a driveway. I can only assume perhaps someone visiting me has parked outside her house but that would be on occasion only. She says she needs the parking space for the kids she teaches (very loud and annoying) violin. I don’t want conflict but this seems so petty.

OP posts:
JumboTrudgeon · 31/08/2024 11:19

Once a week is far too often. I think you need to put a net up on her side when he's out playing.

Kelly51 · 31/08/2024 11:22

I agree it's petty, especially when she's inflicting violin classes on you!!
I'd go round and speak to her and say there has to be a bit of give and take, you tolerate the noise of violins and she only needs to put a ball over a fence.

Iforgotagain · 31/08/2024 11:23

Very small gardens are not suitable for football. I have a tiny terrace garden and a football mad son.
He does not play football in the garden. Luckily we have several large greens around us for kids to play on. Now he's older even they are not suitable as the older they get the harder/farther they kick the ball.
It's the park/astro pitches or nothing.
I do have a lot of plants in my garden and I would not be happy with a ball landing on them.

ThisBlueCrab · 31/08/2024 11:24

She's being a twat, ignore her letter especially about the parking, unless it is a privately maintained road or park.it parking she cannot control who parks on the road outside her house.

If you can put some for of betting up then great or maybe get one of those training balls that is on a lunge rope to stop it going g over for the garden.

But frankly I think craply played violin is far more inconsiderate!

Whammyammy · 31/08/2024 11:25

If he's kicking the ball over that often then he needs to play down the park as he can't control the ball.
Yabvu bothering your neighbour like this. I'd hate to live next door ti someone like you.

Amumof287 · 31/08/2024 11:28

Iforgotagain · 31/08/2024 11:23

Very small gardens are not suitable for football. I have a tiny terrace garden and a football mad son.
He does not play football in the garden. Luckily we have several large greens around us for kids to play on. Now he's older even they are not suitable as the older they get the harder/farther they kick the ball.
It's the park/astro pitches or nothing.
I do have a lot of plants in my garden and I would not be happy with a ball landing on them.

Sorry just to clarify it’s certainly not that small. It’s a detached house the garden isn’t huge but we’ve got a large decking and grass maybe 50m squared. It’s big enough for football just not big enough to put up large hedging I wouldn’t say. A net could be a solution. He’s only 7 so I take him to the park loads but he can’t go out alone

OP posts:
Imanontoday · 31/08/2024 11:28

To be fair it can become very frustrating for someone knocking at the door for their ball, she was likely In the midst of stuff. Maybe teaching, and it’s a pain to stop and go and get the ball , or maybe making dinner, in the bath, napping, whatever.

amd I don’t understand your disdain for the fact she wrote a letter. So what if she doesn’t want to do it face to face. Grow up.

you need to stop the ball going over. Or not knock to get it if it does. It’s that simple.

rosielovesshabby · 31/08/2024 11:30

Whammyammy · 31/08/2024 11:25

If he's kicking the ball over that often then he needs to play down the park as he can't control the ball.
Yabvu bothering your neighbour like this. I'd hate to live next door ti someone like you.

This is over the top! I'd hate to live next to a troll like you.

OP I totally understand where you're coming from and the letter was silly because it's caused ill feeling when she could've spoken to you face to face. It's one of those awkward situations because your neighbours feels disrupted and a bit of disrespect because the ball keeps coming over, but your son is very innocently playing in his garden.
I would install a bet of some sort to try and reduce it. That way you can show you're trying to help the situation and it should make your neighbour happy. But I would go and speak to her and make her feel a bit silly about the letter and tell her if she has any issues in the future you would appreciate a face to face chat.

Worriedmummy2400 · 31/08/2024 11:30

Jesus if that’s all she can think to complain about. Try giving him a recorder and sending him out for hours to practice.

Kelly51 · 31/08/2024 11:30

In MN nobody should expect a bit of kindness or helpfulness, could they possibly leave the side gate unlocked and he can pop in and lift the ball without knocking the door?
I've never understood the rage at a ball coming over a fence. Life is too short to be resentful.

Amumof287 · 31/08/2024 11:31

Imanontoday · 31/08/2024 11:28

To be fair it can become very frustrating for someone knocking at the door for their ball, she was likely In the midst of stuff. Maybe teaching, and it’s a pain to stop and go and get the ball , or maybe making dinner, in the bath, napping, whatever.

amd I don’t understand your disdain for the fact she wrote a letter. So what if she doesn’t want to do it face to face. Grow up.

you need to stop the ball going over. Or not knock to get it if it does. It’s that simple.

We’re friendly. I talk to her on the front garden a lot. She could have said any time. She knocked on my door the other week to ask to borrow my lawnmower. As I say. We’ve lived her 4 years he’s knocked on the door about 6 times. But yes I will look at nets.

OP posts:
Whinge · 31/08/2024 11:31

Sorry just to clarify it’s certainly not that small. It’s a detached house the garden isn’t huge but we’ve got a large decking and grass maybe 50m squared. It’s big enough for football

It's clearly not big enough for football if the neighbour has to throw a ball back every week.

Worriedmummy2400 · 31/08/2024 11:31

She’s got a cheek complaining about anything when she’s having badly played violins all day.

Kelly51 · 31/08/2024 11:32

@Worriedmummy2400
I'll raise you bagpipes; my old neighbour had 2 sons who played out in their garage, one was fab the other not so much.

CatamaranViper · 31/08/2024 11:32

Hang on, he's only knocked on for his ball 6 times in 4 years?
She is being a twat in that case

Worriedmummy2400 · 31/08/2024 11:33

Kelly51 · 31/08/2024 11:32

@Worriedmummy2400
I'll raise you bagpipes; my old neighbour had 2 sons who played out in their garage, one was fab the other not so much.

I would be moving!
what’s the definition of a gentleman?
a man who knows how to play bagpipes, but doesn’t. 😂

SunnieShine · 31/08/2024 11:33

A net could be the answer.

TeenLifeMum · 31/08/2024 11:34

There’s football things in elastic which might be better fit in the garden.

My tolerance would go after the first 3 times. I have 3dc and we did send a ball into our neighbour’s once. Dh thought baseball in the garden was a good idea 🙄🙈 They go to the park for that now as dd3 is really quite good and hits that ball hard!

Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 11:34

I just throw the neighbours footballs back straight away it takes 2 seconds. Sometimes it can happen a few times a day . I don't really care . I doubt they do it on purpose

Icanwalkintheroom · 31/08/2024 11:37

People (on MN) get very worked up about footballs. Our neighbours are lovely & throw balls back any time, but we also got this which has saved a lot of balls from going over. Not the cheapest but very well designed & works perfectly. www.opengoaaal.com

Kelly51 · 31/08/2024 11:39

@TeenLifeMum
6 times in 4 years is hardly something to be annoyed about

Worriedmummy2400 · 31/08/2024 11:39

How mean to complain about 6 balls in 4 years. But still want to borrow the lawnmower.

Imanontoday · 31/08/2024 11:39

Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 11:34

I just throw the neighbours footballs back straight away it takes 2 seconds. Sometimes it can happen a few times a day . I don't really care . I doubt they do it on purpose

Really. Are you never engaged in anything else. To rush out and return it immediately is surprising, are you never washing, drying your hair, out, not see it/

Worriedmummy2400 · 31/08/2024 11:41

Just throw them back when you go out. Not hard.

TeenLifeMum · 31/08/2024 11:41

Kelly51 · 31/08/2024 11:39

@TeenLifeMum
6 times in 4 years is hardly something to be annoyed about

I agree but appreciate some people are really private. One time would be too much for some. They have a right to not have balls in their garden.

Swipe left for the next trending thread