Neighbour conflict

[Amumof287]

Sure this is a common problem. We have lived in our house 4 years. Our neighbour is a lady who lives there with her adult son. I guess he’s in his 30s.

our 7 year old loves football. He plays football outside for perhaps an hour a day maximum on the days we’re home. In the summer holidays we’ve been away for 3 weeks. The other 3 weeks he has played outside. We are a family who go out a lot and he does multiple clubs, we’re always at the park etc so it’s certainly not excessive. 2 weeks of the holidays he was at football camp all day ever day in the week.

since we’ve lived here he’s knocked on her door to ask for his football back maybe 6 times in total. The last time he asked she said no. Balls do go over her fence sometimes, not every day. But unfortunately we don’t have a large garden and it does happen. We have asked him to try not to do it. Usually we just wait for them to be thrown back.

he’s never broken anything in her garden. She doesn’t have any plants/pots or anything like that. They just land on the grass.

she’s posted a very long letter though my door this morning saying it’s very disruptive when he knows on the door and can I stop them going over.

so my solution is I stop him playing football outside or I try to put up some kind of net? Has anyone done this? Any recommendations? Or ways to make the fence higher?

in total I would say she throws a ball back once a week in the summer and never in the winter since the garden gets too muddy to play. He’s a really polite little boy. We have a little girl who causes her no issues at all. We’re not a noisy family, as I say we’re detached anyway.

shes never ever complained about it at all to my face, just posted a letter and ran off. She’s also complained about us parking outside her house which I don’t understand because we don’t do that. And we live on a quiet road with hundreds of parking spaces. She lives next to the circle at the of the cul de sac which is always empty and she has a driveway. I can only assume perhaps someone visiting me has parked outside her house but that would be on occasion only. She says she needs the parking space for the kids she teaches (very loud and annoying) violin. I don’t want conflict but this seems so petty.

The letter gives me the impression she doesn’t want them coming over at all. So once a month is probably too much. For 6 months of the year he doesn’t go at all and in the summer holidays he’s been twice. One of those times she said no. So I think it’s going to be the net and hope that stops in completely. Hes back at school on Wednesday so will be playing outside even less anyway. I’ll have a chat with her and see. Thank you

You obviously don't live in a family friendly town DS would have just jumped the fence or gate to get it back. We never knocked on next door to get a ball back and their kids don't knock on ours now they just come for the ball unless we are sat in the garden in which case one of us will shout to say it's coming back. We have an outdoor kitchen etc which could get hit but kids need to play more than I worry about a ball hitting something. OP I would write back that the balls come back or you will be making a complaint about the noise from her business she is running from home.

You don't just jump over the fence!! Christ. Glad I don't live near such feral children.

Just let her throw them back at her leisure.

I’d write her a letter back. Say you’re very sorry and you’ll install a net to stop the balls going over. Tell her that you’re also buying him a violin so he can practice that for hours instead.
I’m sure she’ll be chuffed.

We have a 2yo DD who kept throwing her ball over the fence on purpose, thought it was hilarious. We had to take the balls away in the end and I wrote my neighbour a letter apologising. They sent two drawings back that their girls had made and a note saying they didn’t mind at all and we’re glad to do it. It’s the luck of the draw with neighbours unfortunately.

This. 👆

She sounds annoying and passive aggressive but I know from experience that neighbour disputes are really horrible so I wouldn't get cross or start feuding. I would buy the net as you are doing and then invite her round for a cup of tea and very very brisk-but-kindly say thanks for letting us know, look there's the net, please talk to us in person next time. The only way to deal with passive aggression is to get it out into the sunlight. Try to channel those upper middle class MN women who say 'no is a complete sentence' and 'did you mean to be so rude?' etc.

Letter straight back.
Dear neighbour, thank you for your letter regarding the football. I was surprised you approached us in that way though. Surely you could have just mentioned it the next time you call to borrow our lawnmower. I will be taking steps to try to ensure the football doesn’t bother you in future.

Thanks all. The last time he knocked he only went because we were leaving to go on holiday and he wanted to take his ball with him. She said no so he didn’t take it. The letter has come the day after we’ve returned from a 9 day holiday so this is obviously a long term annoyance. We will invest in a net. They’re not cheap but I’ll stop him going out until we sort it out.

Sign him up for violin lessons with her and enforce daily practice .

op it's neither here nor there whether or not the neighbour has a lot of plants. It would really piss me off if a ball regularly kept coming over. if i was relaxing ie with headphones on lying in the sun knowing a ball could come over and land on me at any moment it would stop me relaxing as it would make me jump. you are encroaching her space. take him to the park/put up a net as already suggested

I think I’d say something along the lines of ‘sorry this is disrupting you. We will look into putting up a net or extending the height of the fence.
on another topic, the violin lessons are causing a bit of disruption to our peace. Would she please look into soundproofing.’

We’ve lived her 4 years he’s knocked on the door about 6 times. But yes I will look at nets.

Yes but she has to throw it back weekly for half the year-ish?

Tbh if she wants it to change she should just stop throwing them back, and not answer the door if she's busy. I'm not saying that would be the neighbourly thing to do, but it would probably be more effective than a letter at getting him to learn to stop kicking them over.

I think I'd reply in writing pointing out

Parking - it's not designated parking so anyone can park anywhere

Football - 6 times is hardly excessive and you are surprised (to say the least) at her complaints given that you are subjected to appalling violin playing pretty much all day every day!

Lawnmower - you anticipate she won't be asking to borrow again as "Piss Off" will be the response.

You will stop son playing footie in your garden when she stops giving violin lessons in her home and she has bought her own Lawnmower. Deal?

I agree with that except she doesn’t use her garden for any type of leisure. She mows the grass and that’s it. We are honestly very neighbourly. We have friends who cut trees and we’ve done her whole back garden for free twice in the past. Our house is neat and tidy and we are a quiet family and our son doesn’t have friends over playing loudly or anything like that. I do take him to the park of course but he does have a right to play in his own garden. We will buy a net. It is relevant about the neighbour having plants because if he had ever caused any damage to anything of hers I would have been very apologetic and happy to cover any costs. He doesn’t play out the front of the house because I would be very concerned about him damaging a car. I am a considerate person and we will go for the net. Unfortunately not today as I can’t afford it but we will sort it out before I let him play again.

Hmm, I will probably be seen as miserable for saying this but I really don’t care. In a similar situation and the constant balls really piss me off! The 7 year old boy doing this to our gardens mother also claims it’s only once a week, in reality it’s more like twice an hour for 8+ hours a day!!!
We have had 3ft trellis put on top of the 6ft fence and the balls still come over, they let themselves into the garden to collect them and have broken the fence twice this summer in doing so.

It does seem like high netting is the solution.

As for her complaining about you parking in front of her house, tell her to get fucked. It's a public highway, not her personal parking space.

Just instal the netting, op.
He’s being a nuisance and the problem is on you to solve, not your neighbours.

Get the net or just don’t play football in the garden. Though playing alone isn’t really football is it his punting the ball at a “goal” alone.

Id hate balls coming over and certainly would not be having someone’s kids climbing over my fence or leaving a gate open to get them back.

Having a football land in your garden regularly, as much as once a week, would be really intrusive and disruptive to a sense of peace and calm in your own space. I would hate objects to flying into my garden. My elderly mother's life was made a misery by boys playing football and the trouble with their footballs. If your DS has plenty of other places to play such as parks or recreation fields, get him to play there where he is not invading someone else's space and serenity.

You can put a net up on the fence and buy DS a goal

Sorry, meant to clear the quote

Look at cat fencing. It has a curve in it to return the ball if it’s only just going over the fence. Not expensive on eBay.

I’m sorry but it really doesn’t matter what she uses her garden for. She’s entitled not to have your kids ball come over weekly.

www.networldsports.co.uk/pop-up-stop-that-balltm-4-5ft-extender-net.html?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_sq2BhCUARIsAIVqmQt3xGZSbAhzAy4-EgW65sYTKDag_6Yh6kyPYA98L9KbfUe6w_eoccwaAs6HEALw_wcB

We've not used this, but have ordered nets and football equipment from here before and they've always been good