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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour conflict

130 replies

Amumof287 · 31/08/2024 11:16

Sure this is a common problem. We have lived in our house 4 years. Our neighbour is a lady who lives there with her adult son. I guess he’s in his 30s.

our 7 year old loves football. He plays football outside for perhaps an hour a day maximum on the days we’re home. In the summer holidays we’ve been away for 3 weeks. The other 3 weeks he has played outside. We are a family who go out a lot and he does multiple clubs, we’re always at the park etc so it’s certainly not excessive. 2 weeks of the holidays he was at football camp all day ever day in the week.

since we’ve lived here he’s knocked on her door to ask for his football back maybe 6 times in total. The last time he asked she said no. Balls do go over her fence sometimes, not every day. But unfortunately we don’t have a large garden and it does happen. We have asked him to try not to do it. Usually we just wait for them to be thrown back.

he’s never broken anything in her garden. She doesn’t have any plants/pots or anything like that. They just land on the grass.

she’s posted a very long letter though my door this morning saying it’s very disruptive when he knows on the door and can I stop them going over.

so my solution is I stop him playing football outside or I try to put up some kind of net? Has anyone done this? Any recommendations? Or ways to make the fence higher?

in total I would say she throws a ball back once a week in the summer and never in the winter since the garden gets too muddy to play. He’s a really polite little boy. We have a little girl who causes her no issues at all. We’re not a noisy family, as I say we’re detached anyway.

shes never ever complained about it at all to my face, just posted a letter and ran off. She’s also complained about us parking outside her house which I don’t understand because we don’t do that. And we live on a quiet road with hundreds of parking spaces. She lives next to the circle at the of the cul de sac which is always empty and she has a driveway. I can only assume perhaps someone visiting me has parked outside her house but that would be on occasion only. She says she needs the parking space for the kids she teaches (very loud and annoying) violin. I don’t want conflict but this seems so petty.

OP posts:
Amumof287 · 02/09/2024 10:02

tinklingchimes · 02/09/2024 09:51

It doesn't matter how big or small your garden is. You're intruding on your neighbour and that's what matters here. The good thing is, you're being proactive about sorting it out. It usually takes a long time before a neighbour finally says something, so she is likely very over it.

Your son has the right to play football and your neighbour has the right not to be intruded on by his balls. Your son's right to play ball doesn't trump her right.

Never said it did. I don’t see an issue with throwing a ball back over a fence once a week in the very short summer months we have. I would have no problem doing that. I love to see kids being active and playing outside. Far too many children in the UK spend a significant time indoors. Take a look at the stats on smart phones- truly shocking.

but if it bothers her that’s fine. I’ll sort it out. But, this is a friendly neighbour who I speak to regularly on our driveways. Say hello as we go past. Iv done her lots of favours over time and she is noisy. Her son keeps old cars and revs them up and down my road regularly. She uses her house as a business. I believe in give and take, compromise and living in a friendly community.

however if she’s not willing to chuck a ball back because it’s too inconvenient she has that right. But I have rights too, and it’s a good job I’m not as petty as her as I’d be on to the council about the fact I can’t find her business registered at that address.

enjoy your day. I’m closing this thread now.

OP posts:
UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 02/09/2024 10:06

I would find once a week too much.

Greydays3 · 02/09/2024 10:12

Consideration works both ways.
She has opened a can of worms with her complaints.
Time to tell her a few of your own in a very very calm voice.
Her son and his cars and noise.
Her business being run from her home and the bloody racket of violins screeching....
I would be appalled to have such a racket beside me.
She needs it pointed out to her exactly how her noise impacts you.

EllaPaella · 02/09/2024 10:14

If she's usually friendly and borrowed your lawn mower last week then I wouldn't be putting up with a letter put through the letter box. Go knock on the door and say you're disappointed she didn't feel able to have a sensible discussion with you, seeing as you usually get on well. Apologise for ball going over, look into getting a net or something to minimise it but you will not be stopping your son from playing in the garden.
Letter through doors are so cowardly and mean spirited.

Bellaboo01 · 02/09/2024 10:21

Amumof287 · 31/08/2024 12:25

The letter gives me the impression she doesn’t want them coming over at all. So once a month is probably too much. For 6 months of the year he doesn’t go at all and in the summer holidays he’s been twice. One of those times she said no. So I think it’s going to be the net and hope that stops in completely. Hes back at school on Wednesday so will be playing outside even less anyway. I’ll have a chat with her and see. Thank you

I think that you are only seeing this issue from your viewpoint.

I personally wouldn't care about any balls coming into my garden tbh and also my elderly neighbours also don't care (they just say go and help themselves to the ball in their garden).

BUT......some people do and they are allowed to not want footballs etc landing in their garden. You dont know why they dont want this to happen but, maybe it is making them nervous that a big football will come flying over into their garden. Can you imagine if they were hanging out their washing and a leather football hit them!!

Be a good neighbour and stop the balls etc landing in their garden. If your kid cant control kicking a ball so hard that it is landing in another persons, detached house garden then your son is being annoying.

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