Neighbour conflict

[Amumof287]

Sure this is a common problem. We have lived in our house 4 years. Our neighbour is a lady who lives there with her adult son. I guess he’s in his 30s.

our 7 year old loves football. He plays football outside for perhaps an hour a day maximum on the days we’re home. In the summer holidays we’ve been away for 3 weeks. The other 3 weeks he has played outside. We are a family who go out a lot and he does multiple clubs, we’re always at the park etc so it’s certainly not excessive. 2 weeks of the holidays he was at football camp all day ever day in the week.

since we’ve lived here he’s knocked on her door to ask for his football back maybe 6 times in total. The last time he asked she said no. Balls do go over her fence sometimes, not every day. But unfortunately we don’t have a large garden and it does happen. We have asked him to try not to do it. Usually we just wait for them to be thrown back.

he’s never broken anything in her garden. She doesn’t have any plants/pots or anything like that. They just land on the grass.

she’s posted a very long letter though my door this morning saying it’s very disruptive when he knows on the door and can I stop them going over.

so my solution is I stop him playing football outside or I try to put up some kind of net? Has anyone done this? Any recommendations? Or ways to make the fence higher?

in total I would say she throws a ball back once a week in the summer and never in the winter since the garden gets too muddy to play. He’s a really polite little boy. We have a little girl who causes her no issues at all. We’re not a noisy family, as I say we’re detached anyway.

shes never ever complained about it at all to my face, just posted a letter and ran off. She’s also complained about us parking outside her house which I don’t understand because we don’t do that. And we live on a quiet road with hundreds of parking spaces. She lives next to the circle at the of the cul de sac which is always empty and she has a driveway. I can only assume perhaps someone visiting me has parked outside her house but that would be on occasion only. She says she needs the parking space for the kids she teaches (very loud and annoying) violin. I don’t want conflict but this seems so petty.

Tbh op, the constant sound of a ball being kicked, probably up against something at times must also be very annoying so the ball coming over could possibly be the hair that broke the camels back

What she uses her garden for is not relevant, op!

Your child is not likely to be playing less as he gets older, is he? I'd get a net or something now, and at least you've shown willing.

no he has asked 6 times in 4 years. The ball goes over about once a week and I guess he normally waits to get it back.

I have got a tortoise and used to have two elderly dogs. balls coming over used to scare the dogs and I certainly don't want my tortoise being hit or people coming into my garden uninvited. Luckily the ball playing children and their Dad are lovely and when i explained the problems, they moved their football to the other end of the garden near to their house and far away from our shared fence. I wouldn't call myself family unfriendly although I have no kids myself but I (and everyone else) an entitled to use my own garden in my own way provided it doesn't affect my neighbours and to require that my needs are met.

You obviously don't live in a family friendly town DS would have just jumped the fence or gate to get it back
What’s family friendly about jumping into next doors garden whenever you please?
I’m bloody glad I don’t live next door to you!
The fact that you’re framing it as “family friendly” says it all, really.

My neighbour’s son’s balls come over our fence a lot. It doesn’t bother me at all. But, he doesn’t knock, he just waits for me to throw them back (if I’m in the garden, it is instant, otherwise it would pretty much always be within 48 hours).
I think the knocking would be annoying as it would mean stopping whatever I was doing just to throw back a ball. It might be worth asking which aspect it is that bothers her.

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Imagine describing trespassing as being family friendly 🤣

No no it’s fine. Just being family friendly ma lord.

I throw balls back over my fence at least once a week. At no time has it even bothered/annoyed me in the slightest.

She’s had to return the ball 6 times in 4 years or every week? It can’t be both 🤔

I built a net over the garden, I used planks of wood and attached the net to that, it’s goes the whole length of the garden, it doesn’t look that pretty but no ball go over now. We used Henry cows netting, and the cheapest pheasant netting, so far so far.

She throws them back weekly, but on 6 occasions she hasn't and he's gone round to knock

I back onto a primary school playing fields, I honestly don't mind having to throw the odd football, tennis ball back. It's not worth getting annoyed about, takes a couple of seconds to do it.

Personally, I think your neighbour is OTT and the situation is aggravated by her writing a letter and not speaking to you F2F

I missread -- I thought you were saying he knocked on her door 6 times this summer. If she's friendly enough to borrow your lawnmower, then I'd say she's BU

I’ve been there….. we had local kids who were kicking up to 9 balls a day over…. They did a lot of damage hit me, hit the dog etc. The worst bit was never being able to relax for worry that the kids would come out. Unless you’ve had to put up with this, people really don’t understand how awful it can be.

OP I would go and have a word with your neighbour. Say you are so sorry it’s upsetting her, that you appreciate she wants to enjoy her garden, but that you feel it’s really important that your son isn’t watching TV and is getting exercise. So you are going to put up a net and hopefully that will contain the balls.

My son is also 7 and we maybe get a ball over the fence maybe once every few months. Why is he kicking it so high? Or do you have low fences? Tell him he needs to keep the ball on the floor.
Although your neighbour is being moody. Once a week is quite often, but I wouldn't write a letter. And certainly don't be lending her the lawn mower anymore!!!!

If you say "you are sorry, but...", you are not sorry, you are taking piss.

You are sorry you haven't noticed earlier AND you are ordering a net to contain balls in your garden.

---

Anyway, naming this thread "neighbour conflict" is ridiculous.
The OP ignored that her child annoyed the neighbour, now the OP complaints the neighbour doesn't communicate in OP's preferred way, while all which is needed is to be a decent neighbour and not let the child kick ball over the fence that bloody often.

Those who couldn't get worked up and don't mind! In our last house,we had a decent size garden, neighbours has a big extension,so much smaller,big football goal bet each end. Neighbour popped round "on the rare occasion the football comes over, would you prefer he knocks the door or collects it himself"? I worked nights,so said to collect it himself. He did a lot of damage both with the football, and climbing over,broke panes in our greenhouse, some expensive slate tiles, plant pots. His friends also climbed over. I went and saw her,there was no proof,so she wouldn't believe me, said she would pay for the glass, never did. The slate slabs, she said he didn't throw the ball this was his friend, which was true, but as far as I was concerned,it happened on her watch. There was a playing field in the next road. This was a daily occurrence.

She’s being unreasonable expecting a free parking space on the road outside her house just because she runs a business there.

I can't believe she talks to you normally/ asks for favours and then writes a cranky letter.

I never mind balls, but I don't like people ringing the doorbell, because I am working. I have left the gate on the latch so the child can get his own ball and not disturb me or he can wait and I throw it back. It isn't a drama, there are worse things people can do.... like play the violin

Really? Hang around here for awhile. So many people are conflict avoidant, I’ve seen plenty of threads where the suggestion is pop a note through the door. In fact the neighbour prob got the advice to do so on here.

@Imanontoday

I didn't really see it as conflict to ask for the child to stop knocking on my door but just come on in, but I guess someone might have taken it the wrong way. He was a nice small kid (teenager now) he was too young to be going to the park alone and it just isn't practical to be taking your 5/6/7 year old to the park all of the time.

I see posters up thread talking about big kids in groups kicking balls over and doing damage. To me that is a totally different category.

It wouldn't bother me.
She sounds like a bit of a stick in the mud.