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Original poster

Lovely ladies help - I’m almost 44, should I try for baby? Help!

401 replies

SunnyWavess · 31/08/2024 00:27

Oldest is 17 now
Youngest 12 now

DC will always have a home and a bedroom each with me. Forever!

I got pregnant 1st time with both kids and 4th month but had miscarriage. I’ve not wanted to get pregnant again and prevented it, but as I’m getting older I want to try one last time.

We’re very secure financially and can afford a 3rd child. DC17 and 12 would love it. They have a bedroom each and we save about £1,500 per month after all bills and food etc…

I may not get pregnant but I didn’t start my periods until I was 16 so I’m hoping at 16 when I started, it gave me a few years for my good eggs!!!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 31/08/2024 08:19

theduchessofspork · 31/08/2024 00:31

Don’t be mad.

Get a kitten or something

This

Casals07 · 31/08/2024 08:19

I wouldn't. I'm 43 and considered having another baby at 40 when my children were 13,11 and 9. We were financially secure, had enough room and I was a SAHM anyway. I asked on mumsnet and it was a resounding no which I didn't want to hear at the time but the comments were correct . I have three healthy children and a nice life so why risk it all. Mine are, 12, 14 and 16 now and to be honest I couldn't imagine throwing what could have been a three year old into the mix now. I now work part time as a childminder minding an 18 month old and 5 year old who are lovely children but my god I'm glad when the day is over.

Enjoy your children you have already.

OhDearMuriel · 31/08/2024 08:20

Personally I wouldn't do it.

The risk of problems is far greater and you would have a teenager in your 60s. You would also have tiredness on top of it.

At my age and having always been fit, it is only now that I fully understand why we have a body clock.

It IS there for a reason.

crackfoxy · 31/08/2024 08:20

No. Every 'older' mother I meet looks exhausted!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 31/08/2024 08:22

Do you really want a teenager in your 60s?

I had DD at 41. We're now 53/12. Any possibility of early retirement is a dream!

RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 08:23

they say you regret what you don’t do

And often the things you do, as well.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 31/08/2024 08:23

Fififafa · 31/08/2024 05:08

Also factor in having to care for your own elderly parents, dealing with teenagers, a new young child and you being peri menopausal. Absolute recipe for disaster!

Totally this!!!!

Been there, with the added spice of DH being made redundant

Daisydoor12 · 31/08/2024 08:24

If it’s something you both have thought long and hard about and both agree go for it with the attitude if it happens, it happens. Looking back on my family tree both great grandmother and grandmother had last baby at 46 both healthy boys who went on to marry, have children and uncle (grandmother son) successful army career and aged 87 now.

PayYourselfFirst · 31/08/2024 08:25

SunnyWavess · 31/08/2024 00:58

Thank you so much for your replies all.

I would be done with my two, one girl one boy. 16/12. The issue is they aren’t DH kids and that’s the tricky bit. He adores them and loves them to bits but it’s only natural he would want to experience it for himself (the adoration and love for your own children)

Mine are amazing 😎 of course they are mine lol and they are delightful.

That’s why DP would like to experience having his own DC. I would like to experience this on his behalf. Holding a newborn in a ‘scrunch position’, taking care of them and adoring them and their siblings xxx

You don't sound like you really want this but would do it for him Confused
It all sounds lovely but the reality is you will be the one carrying, birthing and then caring for a young baby at 45/46?
Newborn snuggles last a few weeks then it's up all night, teething, illness then they learn to walk ...
Hell NO!

SlothOnARope · 31/08/2024 08:26

No OP don't be ridiculous. Especially don't be influenced by your DC, who have no idea what the reality of a baby at your age would be like.

You're in a great position. Enjoy the children you already have, take them places, see the world, do your house up, find a hobby you are passionate about.

In midlife, health scares are just around the corner. Look after yourself, don't add more strain.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 31/08/2024 08:26

I couldn’t have imagined much worse I love my kids being older and having more freedom again. It’s up to you though

Galoop · 31/08/2024 08:26

RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 08:23

they say you regret what you don’t do

And often the things you do, as well.

Exactly. Much better to regreat not having a baby, than having one Hmm

Fluufer · 31/08/2024 08:27

God no. Why start all over again after all these years? Madness

helpfulperson · 31/08/2024 08:29

OneLastGo · 31/08/2024 00:42

Oh look OP it'd be great if it happened. But it is very unlikely to happen at just short of 44 and it's as well to face that. I notice the others on this thread talking about getting pregnant were just under 40. The distance between 40 and 44 for fertility is big. Triplets at 43 example sounds like there was some assistance to me. You've been lucky to have two lovely kids already. Try if you want but be realistic and don't expect anything

Actually, the risk of a natural multiple birth goes up with age so triplets to older mothers is more common than to younger. It's definitely something to consider.

SmileLady · 31/08/2024 08:29

Personally for me it's a no. I'm 47 this year and I am exhausted everyday after work. Buy if you have the time, space and energy then go for it.

5128gap · 31/08/2024 08:30

Its no good just thinking about now. Most women at 44 probably feel healthy and energetic enough to cope with another round of child rearing. But for many women, the coming decade brings about big changes that can effect those things dramatically. I'm 55 and in the best of health. However I absolutely wouldn't want to be rushing round after an 11 year old. After raising children since my 20s, I want to take it easy, look after myself and spend my time and money on my own wellbeing to make the most of the rest of my life. Having to centre the needs of a child would compromise that. Less time for sleep, excercise, mental wellbeing and so on. My friends with young children struggle to look after themselves and their health and happiness is worse for it.

Megifer · 31/08/2024 08:32

who is this 'they' that say you regret the things you don't do? That makes no sense unless the rest of the saying is "but obviously you'd regret doing something that wasn't a great idea more, because you can't undo it?" 🤔

CortieTat · 31/08/2024 08:33

I’ve not RTFT but go for it OP, why not?

I don’t know if my story helps you but I’m 46 and currently 11+3. I have two children, a tween and an under 10. We really wanted number 3 but it turned out much harder than we thought. Since 2020 I have been pregnant 10 times, all miscarriages in the first trimester at 7, 8, 9 or 11 weeks. I’m very fertile and get pregnant easily but at 46 (DH is few years older) the odds are very much against you. Still, it can happen.

The easiest route to get pregnant at that age and carry to term is donor eggs. I still don’t feel ready for this step, getting pregnant with my own old tired gametes gives me the (hopefully not so false) hope that I can still have my own child.

But this so-called fertility journey has given me enormous opportunity to get better at life in general, it’s been tough with so many loses but I have worked a lot on myself and my mental health and I feel better and more resilient than ever. I also had to overhaul my diet and habits to give us the best possible chances to succeed. It paid off - I am more fit, healthier than in my 20s. I definitely don’t feel old or lacking energy.

I honestly have no idea if we succeed this time and if not what should be our next steps. Right now I am just grateful for every week without miscarriage signs. But I don’t regret the decision we made four years ago, it changed my life.

GoldenSunflowers · 31/08/2024 08:33

No, for all the reasons PP gave.

Save your energies for your DCs, yourself, and your relationship.

BillyJeans · 31/08/2024 08:33

I had NO CLUE how hard meno would hit. I was thriving at 44, felt invincible - fit, energetic, youthful in outlook. At 48, peri/meno hit, and if I was dealing with a toddler at that stage, I think I'd have had a breakdown. And I am generally still fit and well for my age. But adding a young child to the mix, no no no. I had my last at 41 and that was actually pushing it, now they are a tween and all that that brings.

Thetigerdrankmywine · 31/08/2024 08:35

I'm the same age. My kids are now teens. I love my freedom. Kids are fairly self sufficient, so dh and I rediscovering our relationship with each other.

I still feel fit and healthy, but things like a day working hard in the garden makes me ache more than I used to. I'm not as strong as I used to be. It takes me longer to recover from things. I ached for about 5 years when kids were tiny, but I think that was combination of bf and constantly lifting them. I just couldn't do that again. And then the next 12 years of little kid stuff.

MumblesParty · 31/08/2024 08:37

No way.
Much higher risk of your baby having disabilities at your age. Your husband may not stick around after that. And your kids will have a sibling to look after when you die.
Abd you know there’s more to parenthood than being able to hold a cute newborn!

NameChange30 · 31/08/2024 08:38

"I think it's absolutely crazy that he's waited after 9 years together, for the kids to hit teenage years, and for you to hit the stage where it's probably almost impossible for you to get pregnant before he's decided that he wants a baby/ you've decided that you'll consider trying.

Yes, it is fair that he would like his own biological child. However, I don't think it's fair on any of the people involved that you're considering it now."

This. If the two of you really wanted to have a child together, you'd have done it 5 years ago.

Bearpawk · 31/08/2024 08:38

For me it would largely depend on mine and DP's health fitness and energy levels.

Skyrainlight · 31/08/2024 08:38

No, it will be a high risk pregnancy and you already have children. Just focus on being grateful for what you have.