DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

[Anthologist]

AIBU? DP has a flaky but well-meaning (ADHD) friend who on Tuesday invited DP over to supper at Flaky Friend's house tonight. So today I thought that as I'd be here alone this evening I'd just have leftovers and instead of doing the big shop I normally do on a Thursday, I'd shop tomorrow.

FF invited DP over because FF's rather nice posh French girlfriend was due to be away and they planned to watch some rubbish bloke film they both enjoy. Half an hour ago FF contacts DP and says that FF's girlfriend hasn't gone away as planned so their TV date is off — but tell you what, FF and lovely girlfriend will both come to dinner here instead because FF doesn't want to disappoint DP who was expecting an evening with FF. (FF has a different way of seeing things than most people) DP agrees to this in in my hearing, with me yelling SAY NO at him from the hall. He ends the call and then asks what I've got for dinner tonight...

Now FF's partner is a fantastic cook. She cooked for us a couple of weeks ago and it was special. I'm not a bad cook but I want some notice (and some decent fresh ingredients) before cooking for her. So I say no, no way, cancel, cancel, cancel, terrible mistake — and a few choice suggestions for what DP can go and do to himself. He's shouted back about me being a fun sponge and inflexible and how I'm never happy having people round on an impromptu basis and he'll invite whoever he wants to visit in his own home...

We've only had shouting matches like this three or four times in our 14-year relationship, so this is major and I feel very shaken. I take a cup of tea out to the garden to get away from him for ten minutes. Meanwhile OP is in full huff mode and announces when I come back in that he's organised two other people, one of whom can't eat anything with tomatoes in it and one who's a vegan, to join him, FF and FF's partner for this impromptu dinner. I'm invited, too, if I want to be involved.

I've said I'm not cooking, so DP (who probably cooks three times a month, usually sausages or a burger) has found an online recipe for which we have the ingredients and is now preparing butter bean stew with chilli and peanut butter on rice. Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order. I feel really embarrassed in case FF's lovely girlfriend thinks this is something I've planned. I'm always the one who cooks for guests since the day early in our relationship when DP served guests slices of toast with ketchup and cheese on top and insisted it was pizza.

DP says I'm being VU. Am I or do other understand where I'm coming from? Off now to freshen up the cloakroom and bathroom. DP says no need, no one will care — but I do and I imagine FF's lovely French girlfriend will...

OP, YANBU in not wanting to cook or host, and personally I think your partner is massively disrespectful, but I’ve noticed throughout this thread you often seem to be picking at FF as if your partner has no say in any of this.

You’ve said how you don’t understand why FF thinks his girlfriend not being away anymore or whatever means they should come to yours. But the thing is , even if it was his idea, your partner seems to think it makes perfect sense as well.

He very happily has agreed to it without question and not only that invited 2 more people against your will . Or are you going to blame that on FF too?

If FF is daft your partner is dafter!

This
Op’s dp knew that she woudnt be comfortable with the arrangement and still went ahead .
I would have done what other posters suggested.. taken myself out to dinner or visited a friend.
Your dp made the arrangement . so he can cook

I agree

I would definitely go out. It's the only way. They'll know anything atrocious has been made by him and not you and you won't need to sit there seething. Leave and enjoy your night.

I'd annihilate my DP if he did this to me. I would make a point of loudly 'crediting' him with the atrocious sounding meal that he's cooking. Have you got any strong drink in? Whip up a cocktail for you and mademoiselle and ignore the annoying men.

YANBU to be annoyed.

YABU to be oddly sycophantic about the girlfriend.

Comes across as weird to be honest.

That's a shame - I was going to say if you were in West London, pm me and we'll meet at a pub 😂
Honestly, I would just go out - I hate having things like that sprung on me....

I'd be pretty pissed off too at having my night of me time cancelled last minute, especially when nights on my own are few and far between and I was looking forward to it, then to also find out it won't only be my DH but also guests, add in DH thinking it's me that would be producing a decent meal with practically no notice and pretty much an empty food stash, I'd be looking at him while shaking my head and trying hard not to chuckle.

This!

In that situation. I would suggest

1. Order meals delivered or takeaway, OR
2. Run to shop & buy some pizza and bagged salad

Ask FF to bring wine & desert

Announce - it’s pizza & salad, only told about dinner an hour ago.

Nailed it.

But you have something on tonight, don't you? Having a drink and meal or see afilm with a friend? Just go out and leave him to it.

My ex used to do this. Bring people home from the pub and expect me to cook. One time I had cooked a gorgeous lasagne enough to feed an army. So he took it as it was to feed his friends. We would have had the rest for tea the next night. Lasagne is always better the next day. That's one of many reasons he's an ex. Not many home cooked meals for him after I left. He was often seen out shopping for meals for one.😂😂😂

This!

If I was in West London I'd join you, willingly. Oh to be in west London...

@ScarletCamellia I'm sorry to have to tell you that we've just had a message from the lovely French girlfriend to say that she won't be coming with FF this evening as she'd like a quiet night in and a chance to have a long chat with her sister and mother. Cancel that carriage. Quel dommage.

Noted.

Sounds like she didn't fancy sudden plan changes either.

I also have adhd and all sorts of random things can happen if I'm let out on my own.

However, I'd also not cope with unexpected people in my house.

You sound lovely!

Unless it is a sneaky invite for you to go round to hers! She could cook you beautiful food and do all the cleaning up,afterwards! 😍

She's probably on here and doesn't fancy what's on offer!

"Come away with me. The night is young. The men have their peanuts. The world waits for us."

Are you closer to Gretna Green, the Channel, the Yorkshire moors, Cornwall, or Bath? Next steps will depend on that.

Now of course they're all fashionably late and DP is getting a bit worried because the rice is almost cooked. I'm having a slight touch of schadenfreude.

I hadn't thought of that. I'm anyone's for a good fondant potato. Our hands could touch as she washed the pots and I dry...

You're v naughty tonight, MN...

I would lose my bloody mind if my DP did this to me! And then to claim you’re just being a “fun sponge”! I definitely would be out at a restaurant with a book and glass of red.

I have to say that I have a reluctant admiration for your DP’s optimism because this is not something I would ever attempt.

Yorkshire moors. Calling Heathcliff...

They're here.