DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

[Anthologist]

AIBU? DP has a flaky but well-meaning (ADHD) friend who on Tuesday invited DP over to supper at Flaky Friend's house tonight. So today I thought that as I'd be here alone this evening I'd just have leftovers and instead of doing the big shop I normally do on a Thursday, I'd shop tomorrow.

FF invited DP over because FF's rather nice posh French girlfriend was due to be away and they planned to watch some rubbish bloke film they both enjoy. Half an hour ago FF contacts DP and says that FF's girlfriend hasn't gone away as planned so their TV date is off — but tell you what, FF and lovely girlfriend will both come to dinner here instead because FF doesn't want to disappoint DP who was expecting an evening with FF. (FF has a different way of seeing things than most people) DP agrees to this in in my hearing, with me yelling SAY NO at him from the hall. He ends the call and then asks what I've got for dinner tonight...

Now FF's partner is a fantastic cook. She cooked for us a couple of weeks ago and it was special. I'm not a bad cook but I want some notice (and some decent fresh ingredients) before cooking for her. So I say no, no way, cancel, cancel, cancel, terrible mistake — and a few choice suggestions for what DP can go and do to himself. He's shouted back about me being a fun sponge and inflexible and how I'm never happy having people round on an impromptu basis and he'll invite whoever he wants to visit in his own home...

We've only had shouting matches like this three or four times in our 14-year relationship, so this is major and I feel very shaken. I take a cup of tea out to the garden to get away from him for ten minutes. Meanwhile OP is in full huff mode and announces when I come back in that he's organised two other people, one of whom can't eat anything with tomatoes in it and one who's a vegan, to join him, FF and FF's partner for this impromptu dinner. I'm invited, too, if I want to be involved.

I've said I'm not cooking, so DP (who probably cooks three times a month, usually sausages or a burger) has found an online recipe for which we have the ingredients and is now preparing butter bean stew with chilli and peanut butter on rice. Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order. I feel really embarrassed in case FF's lovely girlfriend thinks this is something I've planned. I'm always the one who cooks for guests since the day early in our relationship when DP served guests slices of toast with ketchup and cheese on top and insisted it was pizza.

DP says I'm being VU. Am I or do other understand where I'm coming from? Off now to freshen up the cloakroom and bathroom. DP says no need, no one will care — but I do and I imagine FF's lovely French girlfriend will...

How did it go, @Anthologist? Was the brown vegan sludge edible?

I see ya. That is very funny. It’s me clafoutis I’ve come home…

Couldn't you just ask your DP to order some delicious food and drink in for everyone?

Just sit back, uncork some chilled white wine and have some fun.

(Personally, I love having dinner parties. If I don't feel like cooking, I'll go to the Turkish Deli and pick up some cold meats, mezes, olives, cheese and bread... As long as there is plenty to drink, most people don't mind what they eat).

Go and treat yourself to a nice dinner, maybe a hotel room.

Hotel room?
deli and some niiiice ham, crudités anyone?
yes because reading op posts you see that’s achievable

Any Pom Bears?

After tonight, maybe point out to him that it seems obvious the plan changed from FF’s house to yours as the French girlfriend said no to hosting, and then decided she wanted a night to herself and clearly her partner and yours accepted that (while you got called a fun sponge). So really FF and your partner should have gone out to the pub so you could also have the chilled night you planned. But good on your partner for finding a recipe and giving that a go!

This whole thread is very funny. Thank you Op. I really hope to come back to an update on FF and his lovely French girlfriend. He sounds maddening.

I'm very invested now.

(OP, not to bring the mood down but you really need to address the fact that he is playing mein host while standing on your back, as it were. He needs understand what really goes into hosting - from planning to shopping to cleaning to cooking to clearing up - and do exactly half of the labour of it. You need to explain to him how obviously awful that would be if he weren't a man and you weren't a woman. Sometimes it's hard to see that fact for ourselves, too.)

YADBU. Id go out op. Go to a friends house for the evening/overnight. Escape!

Your dp created this, let him sort it.

I've said I'm not cooking, so DP (who probably cooks three times a month, usually sausages or a burger) has found an online recipe for which we have the ingredients and is now preparing butter bean stew with chilli and peanut butter on rice. Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order

Brilliant. That's sorted. 😂

I can understand why you're annoyed, but you can just sit back and be amused by it all. If you want to put them off visiting last minute like that again in future, make sure you loudly compliment your partner on his excellent cooking and choice of recipe, even if you don't think that.

But why couldn’t DP go over there? If it was bc she wasn’t going why doesn’t she want your DP visiting their home? If she doesn’t like him why would she agree to go to HIS home?

I think LFG is elegant but also empathetic - she can well imagine your pain at the prospect of unexpected guests and is as we speak making sympathetic moués of disgust at your OH's gaucheness while she smokes her Sobranie in the late summer night air.

Argh, hanging on for the update. On the sludge stew in particular. My idea of hell.

Also to the pp who mentioned the name change thing, yes I remember. I'm tempted to go with either no-tomato-jo or Hello Heathcliff it's me Clafoutis!!!

That recipe sounds unappetising.

Had a shite day. Your post made me laugh!

I'm invested so I want to know what happened!

How was the bean stew op?

@Anthologist I am completely with you, YWNBU, and well done for leaving DP to cook - can’t wait to hear the rest of this saga! 😀

She's almost perfect. We still don't know why she's with FF though.

Just go with the flow. Wipe the toilet seats down quickly then sit back and allow dp to host whilst exclaiming what a nice rest it is to allow him to take control for a change.

Hope it went well op.

So many posh people on here talking about throwing together cheese and fruit and so in. “The Turkish Deli” like that‘s a thing everywhere.
Most people live in the arse end of somewhere and pop out for a sliced white loaf and some mild cheddar from Londis.

This thread is highly entertaining. However the people who keep popping up to tell the OP to get a take away or pick up bread, cheese and salad are clearly urban dwellers who can’t conceive of living in locations where there aren’t food deliveries and its a long drive to the nearest decent food shop or take away.

OP YANBU, I’d also be dismayed at spending an evening entertaining (dubious stew or not) when I’d planned a quiet night by myself.

I'm loving this thread!

I haven't read the full thread but no, OP, you are not being unreasonable. It doesn't matter who's cooking. That's a red herring. What matters is that he has invited 4 people to dinner in your home tonight with no warning. It doesn't matter that he's cooking or that you could phone for a takeaway or pick up a cheeseboard or go out yourself. You told him you didn't want people over tonight and he not only ignored you, he invited an extra two and he's angry because you're not delighted. Madness.