To not want random teenagers in my house daily?

[CreativeOriginalUsername]

Genuinely don’t know if IABU and an old grumpy git.

I have two 18YO. They work shifts, I WFH 9-5(ish).

Every single day, they appear at home with friends. Often in the daytime as I’m working. They don’t ask first. Sometimes it’s one of them, often it’s both of them.

But I am SO sick of it. The noise and disruption. The lack of courtesy in not even letting me know. The fact it’s completely pointless, as sometimes they’re just appearing with friends to pick stuff up and then leave again a few minutes later, so their friends don’t even need to be here. And I just don’t want 3-4 random people in my house every single day!

It is starting to drive me demented. I don’t want to say their friends can’t come over, but surely every day, multiple times a day, without even letting us know they’re bringing people over is a bit much?!

If it’s relevant, they pay zero in rent/board and contribute nothing to the house in terms of chores either, but that’s a different story (and something I will be changing, quickly).

I always had a house full of my children’s friends.
I knew where they were and how they were mixing with.
Admittedly they had all left home by 18 but even through uni they would bring friends to stay.
I miss those days.

Dts are a bit younger but yes it annoys me but I'm autistic and massive introvert. As long as they're not coming in raiding the fridge and pissing off again I think you need to let it go. The other side is they could be embarrassed to being their friends over which I would hate more.

I'd rather they were here than hanging out in the park. Do they disturb your work? I have a 'garden office' so can keep myself out of the way when working.

It’s their house too, I think you are being unreasonable.

Why do you hate it? Because you don’t like having to socialise at home? Sounds like the teens are harmless.

I understand it’s annoying but it’s usually just a very short phase. It’s good that your dc feel they can bring their friends back. We thought it was important that they felt able to do this.

Read the riot act about cleaning up after themselves though and impose a couple of periods of time when you want the house to yourself eg Tues and Thurs nights and Sunday afternoons and then you feel more in control.

How great that your teens work and have a strong peer group. Will they be going to uni? If not are they saving to move out?

Think of the people who have teenagers who cause them endless worry with their anxiety, can't work, don't have friends, don't leave their bedroom. Teens coming in like a worlwind, grabbing some bits and going out again would be a dream come true for those parents.

I loved it when mine were teens and brought friends home.
It's their home as well as yours, be sad to think friends were not welcome.

My house is the "default house" for my teenage sons and their friends. I love it. But they are all very courteous and pleasant, I don't think I would be as keen if they were rude.

I always had my friends round without giving it any thought, my parents didn't say anything so I assume they didn't mind.
However if they did mind and told me this I would have respected that and any boundaries around it.
Talk to them, they will assume you're happy otherwise.

It's their house too.

If you’re wfh, I think it’s fair enough to say nobody comes in as it’s disruptive. Are the dc going to uni/college soon?

My house is the default house too.

OP - if people visiting your home are rude to you - challenge them!

It’s their home too. Not an office.

It wouldn't bother me unless they were disrupting my work (ie playing loud music, being in the room I am working from). I would be pleased they have friends and are being sociable. When I grew up our house was one of the furthest from my school and nobody ever came just to hang out, our house now is really near to the school and also town, and I have always hoped DC would bring heir friends round.

sometimes they’re just appearing with friends to pick stuff up and then leave again a few minutes later - this would bother me even less, so they are in the house for just a few minutes, this wouldn't even be an issue to me.

I wish my teen would bring their friends around more often. How else am I meant to scope them out?

So long as the friends don't come into the room where you're working and start talking to you, I really don't see the problem. I've worked from home for 25 years, and I always made my daughters friends as welcome as I could. I much preferred having a bit of disturbance when it meant that I knew her friends.

This was my house growing up. My dad loved it. I'd love my house to be like this again when my wee one grows up.

YABU

This is your children’s home. They are dropping by with mates to pick stuff up and head out again - what on earth is wraith that? Or they are having mates over for a bit - unless they are eating you out of house and home it disrupting your work (do you work from home? I wasn’t sure from how post) then why be upset about this?

They shouldn’t have to tell you in advance about every person dropping by; it’s their house too.

Noise, mess or eating all your stuff are valid reasons to complain. The fact Olivia and Jack came by while your teen collected the swimming kit (or whatever) very much isn’t.

I have always been fine with my teens bringing people over without telling me. I like that I have gotten to know their friends too and I like that they all have a safe place to hang out. Not all of their friends are from great home environments.

I love it. My DD19 best friend has moved in with us while there are issues at home and her siblings can turn up or other friends of my DD. My younger one (15) always has friends in and out. It is rare I cook an evening meal for just my family. I love that they all know they are welcome to come in when they want and know they will be fed and watered or can help themselves.

Mine was the default house too. We have 4 kids (grown up 30+ adults now and do many of their mates call me mum. Some of them even lived here at times due to difficult home situations, but, we enjoyed it and were pleased to be welcoming.
However totally understand if you're not really in to it and find it noisy and disruptive but your only option is to have a word and come to a compromise.

It’s your house, you pay for it. Your children are working adults - you need to have some ground-rules - no bringing friends into the house while you are wfh. In the evenings, they need to be gone by xx time.

Yes, you're a grumpy old git.

The separate story here (no rent, no chires, no contribution to the household) is the only aspect of this situation I'd be concerned about.

You'll miss it eventually. My house is far too quiet now both DCs have gone.

The bit I miss the most is the 'pre drinks' at ours at the weekend before they went out .... fab boys and girls having a laugh in our kitchen. I'd have a glass of wine with them and listen to all the gossip. Happy days.

Mine do this but they always ask and I always say yes. It's more knowing who's in the house while I'm on a meeting.
More often than not they are good and wait till late afternoon when they know my day is almost done

If they are being noisy or making a mess then yanbu- especially if you are wfh.

If these random people are here to pick up a charger or whatever (I have an 18 yo who does this sort of thing with his mates) then yanbu. At least my son and his mates will pop to the shops for snacks that they may want while here.