To not want random teenagers in my house daily?

[CreativeOriginalUsername]

Genuinely don’t know if IABU and an old grumpy git.

I have two 18YO. They work shifts, I WFH 9-5(ish).

Every single day, they appear at home with friends. Often in the daytime as I’m working. They don’t ask first. Sometimes it’s one of them, often it’s both of them.

But I am SO sick of it. The noise and disruption. The lack of courtesy in not even letting me know. The fact it’s completely pointless, as sometimes they’re just appearing with friends to pick stuff up and then leave again a few minutes later, so their friends don’t even need to be here. And I just don’t want 3-4 random people in my house every single day!

It is starting to drive me demented. I don’t want to say their friends can’t come over, but surely every day, multiple times a day, without even letting us know they’re bringing people over is a bit much?!

If it’s relevant, they pay zero in rent/board and contribute nothing to the house in terms of chores either, but that’s a different story (and something I will be changing, quickly).

They don’t have to, but they are teenagers and have a life of their own. As long as they are not being rude or disturb with too much noise of course. I’d be glad they have friends.

This. Or neighbour’s daring to make a noise in their own garden because they disturb an important WFH call.

Such a mumsnet thing to say: ‘Thank god they’ve actually got friends!’ OP says it’s multiple times, driving her ‘demented’, disruptive. I’d ask for more consideration, but then I might be overly respectful, I will try my ultimate not to make a row when my DH is in bed (works shifts) or the neighbours had a late arrival back from holiday, so didn’t do any noisy garden work til they were obviously up.

Unreasonable and miserable. I used to love seeing my teens friends. Now, the eldest has left home, the house is so, so quiet. It’s their home, too.

It's great that they feel they can bring friends back. Some ground rules like quiet on the landing in working hours would be completely reasonable, and a good headset for work is important. Have a chat with them and see what rules could work, and what you can tweak in the family set up so it affects you less.

I think if they are dropping by for a few minutes to pick up that's not a problem.

If they are staying the night or regularly disrupting you working from home during the day with excessive noise or eating food which you have bought, then there is some courtesy needed in terms of letting you know and checking it's ok with you first

I wouldn’t do those things either, most people wouldn’t, but our children were always welcome with their friends. Their friends are really nice though tbf, loud but lovely.

Same here.

If you were working in an office there would be people all over the place making a racket. I think you are being unreasonable.

My parents were always happy to have my friends over and let us enjoy, without ever disturbing us. As a teenager, I felt safe hanging out at home and my friends were also comfortable.

I think it's normal for kids living at home to have friends over. Our kids often do, we don't expect them to let us know unless they're here for dinner so we make enough or are staying the night. I think allowing it is part of being a parent. My parents didn't like me having friends over and if was a bit shit really.

YANBU.

I need warning if the kids are going to have friends round. DH and I need warning if each other are having friends round. The DC need warning if either of them or either of us are having friends round!

Even if it's just a text to say I'm heading home and I've got Joe with me!

And working from home has its benefits to the household and its downsides. And one of the downsides is that other members of the family need to accommodate the restrictions it imposes. It's not dissimilar to having to accommodate a member of the household on nightshift sleeping during the day. It's just one of those things.

But even without that, absolutely no way should any of your sons' friends be going in your room!

We rarely had friends around or if we did it was for a birthday or as a treat. Mine are older primary and I encourage friends coming around as much as I can and have sleepovers, try and have snacks in and space for them to play.

I love being on our own with no visitors. I love sitting around in my pyjamas and watching my programme. But I want my children to know they can their friends are welcome here.

This is a real downside of working from home. It's a home, yet it now has all the restrictions of a place of work.

This happens occasionally with my DS (16) and DD (13). I actually wish it was more often as I enjoy seeing/meeting other teenagers and it means I know who their friends are and am reassured by this. As others have said I'd rather they were here than random other places.

However maybe I'd get fed up if it was every single day..... Not sure 🤔

A house they pay chuff all towards and don't lift a hand to do any jobs to keep the house running. They are adults not children.

Sounds awful, can't you put some boundaries in? While yes it is their home, it's your house and you have every right to set some expectations and say that they need to be far more considerate and reduce the frequency of visitors

OP, you have made this situation and now you need to fix it. Tell them to contribute both financially and draw up a list of chores both in the house and in the garden they have to do. Time to be a parent not a pal.

They live there so should expect to be able to come and go. Find a way to fit in that normality with your wfh. Obviously, you can remind them to be quiet, esp if friends are with them etc. Re chores - like you say, that’s one to sort out if you want those things done. Some might say if paying board and/or doing chores they are even more entitled to treat their home like their home

YANBU

You're not saying you don't want your DC to have friends over, you just want some basic courtesy and boundaries around it. That's beyond reasonable. The awareness that having guests impacts other residents in a house is something your young adult children need, and you need to feel like you can relax in your own home. Though I suspect some extroverts here will fail to grasp why it's such a big deal to some of us.

Establish a block of time when you'd like the house to be visitor-free during your work hours. Collaborate on the specific stretch of time with your DC.
Set the expectation that all family members send the others a quick text before visitors arrive... "Friend coming to hang in 15" is fine.
Tell your DC what is expected in terms of noise (esp at night and during work hours) and cleaning up after guests.
If they can't or won't be respectful of these then they don't need to be having guests at all.

I'm certainly not someone who slags off parents who don't boot their DC from the nest when they turn 18. But a lot of young adults seem to expect that they should be able to live in their parents' homes with all the perks and privilages of being adults but none of the responsibilities and expectations, and it doesn't serve anyone. If an adult wants to live somewhere where they don't have to be considerate of other residents then they have to be able to pay for that and do all the work of keeping up a home themselves. Otherwise they have to behave in a way that makes other people (roommates, family, or partners) want to cohabitate and share the load with them.

If they're courteous and tidy, they're always welcome.

It's not their house

Their sole contribution is living in it!

It's their home but they need to respect the homeOWNER

I hope my house is full of my children's friends.
I hope they all know they are all welcome any time and to ring me if they ever can't ring their own parents .

Any friend of my child is a friend of mine☺️

I also don't want my own friends randomly appearing in my kitchen without warning at all hours of the day.