To not want random teenagers in my house daily?

[CreativeOriginalUsername]

Genuinely don’t know if IABU and an old grumpy git.

I have two 18YO. They work shifts, I WFH 9-5(ish).

Every single day, they appear at home with friends. Often in the daytime as I’m working. They don’t ask first. Sometimes it’s one of them, often it’s both of them.

But I am SO sick of it. The noise and disruption. The lack of courtesy in not even letting me know. The fact it’s completely pointless, as sometimes they’re just appearing with friends to pick stuff up and then leave again a few minutes later, so their friends don’t even need to be here. And I just don’t want 3-4 random people in my house every single day!

It is starting to drive me demented. I don’t want to say their friends can’t come over, but surely every day, multiple times a day, without even letting us know they’re bringing people over is a bit much?!

If it’s relevant, they pay zero in rent/board and contribute nothing to the house in terms of chores either, but that’s a different story (and something I will be changing, quickly).

“And I just don’t want 3-4 random people in my house every single day! ”

aren’t you talking about the house where your children live?
the house that’s their home ?

aren’t you talking about the house where your children live?
the house that’s their home ?

It is both. OP should also be able to relax and enjoy her own home and her DC's need to be able to have visitors in their home doesn't supersede that. Her teens should absolutely be able to have (OP isn't wishing otherwise), but that doesn't mean they must be able to do that at all hours of the day with no communication or consideration for others. Finding a middle ground is part of co-habitating.

Surely there’s a middle ground here, but they’re teenagers. This phase won’t last for long. You’ll blink and you’ll be wondering why the house is so quiet.

I think it's fine to feel annoyed at the house feeling like a railway station with constant coming and going and not feeling you have any privacy. It must be hard to be working with people in and out. I guess it's the downside of having sociable young adults and working from home. I would pin a note to the office door reminding people to be quieter . I think you can ask them to tidy up and not take advantage. But generally it's a good thing they have friends who they are happy to bring home.

I would prefer my child is at home with their friends than at friends houses.
But if it annoys you perhaps have a couple of sacred visitor free evenings so you have a boundary and an evening where you can sit I your pants in privacy?

I think it's fine to have some boundaries, I'm happy for my dd to have mates round (she's also 18yo) but they need to respect the house and be quiet if I'm working.

I wouldn't be happy with them not helping out, playing loud music and generally being inconsiderate.

Um ok🤷‍♀️

Ok? My point is that your comment wasn't actually relevant.

OP isn't saying she doesn't like her DCs friends or want them to be able to come over. She just wants some level of boundary and control over having guests in her home, just like almost every adult has for their own friends. Inviting friends over is wonderful, but almost all of us want to be able to have time in our homes without surprise guests who show up unannounced as well.

Er okay. As you were then.

Start to worry when they DON'T bring their friends home. Negotiate a few ground rules for everyone's benefit and we'll being then move forward. Can't see what rent / board has to do with this really.

I love it when my teens have pre’s here. So much cackling and gossip. I’m always happy when they feel they can bring their friends home. Always better to know who they’re hanging out with and what the latest comings and goings are, gives me something to connect and talk with them about.

Oh please, Don't be that mum.

I’m not friends with my teens friends but I think that she probably means that the friends of her kids aren’t random strangers like OP is referring to her kids friends. My friends aren’t random strangers to my kids either.

I'm a massive introvert and it would do my head in, even without the WFH aspect. I like my personal space. I would never say anything though.

I loved being the house that all of DS1's friends congregated at. His best mate even had his own set of bedding here

I think you have to just let it go. I’d much rather know who my kids are hanging out with than never see them

though I have to admit I’m like the fact that our house is slightly “out of the way” and therefore not the default house that all the groups of mates seem to constantly be at - it’s rare that people come here without warning. And I like it that way so I do see where you’re coming from.

If your work is too confidential for your kids' friends to overhear then it's too confidential for your own kids, too. No real difference whether it's 1 or 20 who could overhear.

I'd say you are reasonable to set boundaries so you can get your work done efficiently. I'm mostly in the "isn't it wonderful your kids want to spend time in your house" camp, though.

My house is the default house for my teens too and it does drive me nuts sometimes, it’s when their in an out, slamming doors, leaving safety gates open in the house, and letting the dogs upstairs. One dog is a teenager herself and a little shit and the other one is elderly and incontinent.

i don’t mind if they sit in their rooms or congregate in the kitchen, its the in an out that drives me barmy.

There is one friend of my 17 year old that is welcome anytime and I’ve known since she was 3, she lives next door and tbh it’s likes she’s my fifth kid or something, she never needs permission from me to come over and she’s like part of the furniture

Say no visitors over when you're working, that's more than fair.

Completely misses point but ok😂

My ds went off to see his friend at the end of the road the other day. About two hours later, friend wandered in, removed ready
meal from the fridge, microwaved and ate it, and trotted off again, making pleasant conversation all the while. No idea where ds was

have known friend since he and ds were both small, but I was a little nonplussed

@Sandwichgen oh my goodness, I don’t know how I’d even respond to that! Are you going to raise it with DS or just leave it?

Just leave it. You imagine ds wasn’t hungry, friend had nothing in, and ds offered him our fridge. Friend probably thought ds had texted me about it

@Sandwichgen Good approach. I wish I were more rational in quick thinking. I think I would have been in complete shock!

I just assumed ds would turn up any second, having detoured to the bathroom or something

by the time I’d realised his absence, it was too late to pose questions