How would you feel, if your DH bought you a bib?

[Bibblunders]

He bought me an adult pelican bib! He thinks it's hilarious.

It says on it "if you can read this, I haven't had my dinner yet". I do drop food on myself, fair enough, but I just think this isn't funny.

And, given that I'm never going to wear it, a total waste of time, because to send it back, he has to parcel it back up and drive some distance to a post office, because we don't have a post office in our town.

I don't know if my sense of humour is lacking, but I feel offended. Maybe that's too strong a word, I don't know, maybe belittled or like he's thinking I'm not sexy, if that makes sense? Maybe I need to lighten up!

YABU - lighten up, it's just a joke

YANBU - I wouldn't like that either

If you're more prone to dropping bits, being big chested means it will land on your chest and likely stay there, so it can seem that you are messier than others. For example, if my dh and I have sausage rolls, his crumbs will go down onto the floor, mine will sit up on my boobs and be much more visible - yes we do hold the bags up to catch as much as possible, but invariably, crumbs manage to escape!

I would pay attention to see if you are putting the fork to your mouth while the food isnt settled on the fork and thus more likely to fall off, or maybe putting a little too much on your fork just to see if there is any way of reducing food drops, for your own benefit, not dh!

As for the bib, I wouldnt be terribly impressed but it would depend on how it was presented to me, if there are any underhand comments about food hygiene etc as to whether I went along with it as a joke or asked him to return it. Any nuisance created in returning it is all dh's doing, as he's the one who ordered it in the first place. He obviously knew you wouldnt use it, so why keep something around you dont want, it's just clutter then!

I’m in Northern Ireland.
it happens here a lot, unfortunately

Same with me! So I always take some kitchen roll and tuck it into my collar 😆 I’m not too proud…

I get what you’re saying though. My husband made a jokey comment to me as well, which I was really offended by. It was out of the blue and not appropriate at all. I realised the comment made me feel really unattractive as a woman and that it must have hit close to the bone on some personal level I hadn’t even realised. He was upset with himself afterwards and apologised that he was insensitive. He wasn’t really trying to make me feel bad or be insulting, he just didn’t think it through. Did you discuss with your husband why it offended you? Hopefully he didn’t realise and will be more sensitive going forward (sensitive isn’t the right word but I can’t think of it 😵‍💫).

I'm not sure why you're focusing on returning it. Just stick it in a charity bag. It probably only cost coppers, it's not worth returning.

If your bonds a bit thin I could see it would rankle at you. If you were close it probably wouldn't bother you. Maybe you need a chat about the other stuff thats bothering you.

It's a joke, OP.
My husband, who's three decades older, could do with one, but refuses 😂

Are you my long lost daughter? That's my excuse too!

It's not funny, it's passive aggressive shit.

I too always end up with food down my front, even when sat at the table. I reckon it is to do with having big boobs and not being able to pull my chair as close to the table as smaller folk do!

These threads always draw out the pious must sit a table at all times lot.

So I eat food with loads of sauces or gravy as I have issues with my throat. So I spill often and he made it into a joke. Was funny once or twice but not every mealtime in front of everyone else. I kept saying I'm not finding this funny, I'm now self conscious and he carried on. The next time he did it I said harshly, look you're the only one laughing, not me, I'm upset and said how I feel. It's sort of stopped, but I am now alot more self-conscious with eating.

I'm on the side of those saying that things like this are only funny if the person on the receiving end laughs - however, I don't think that necessarily means it was meant maliciously.

It sounds like you know you're a messy eater and it stings a bit that it bothers your DH.

I spill a lot but again very big chested. It infuriates me (the stain removing is a pain). I wouldn’t find it funny and would tell him so. Also it’s easy to belittle people so remind him that’s not a road you both want to start going down

Get him back by wearing it in bed and talking in a baby voice to freak him out.

Hmmm ...

Do you drop food down yourself a lot?

A messy smeary front on an adult can be very ... 'Off-putting'.

He may be trying to tell you in a clunky joky way that it gives him the ick (which Mumsnetters talk about a LOT) - and is trying to get you to make a change.

Maybe look at the why first. What lies beneath.

Could there be something significant behind this; say a condition causing your hand to tremble? Have a look at this.

Or do you, as my grandmother used to say, shovel food in like you're gardening?

Is he reacting to one very minor single incident and having a laugh that he assumed you'd join in with (as hopefully you have a compatible sense of humour)?

Or this this the latest in a long line of similar incidents?

Ask him what lies beneath.

Ok so my husband has a habit of spilling (mainly Italian food - pasta etc) down his shirt and if he is working and has a sandwich in his car, I can generally tell what he had from the stains on his tie. He carries spare ties because of it and he jokes about it. And yes, I also bought him some big disposable bibs as a joke but he uses them and its just a bit of fun between us. But it was an established jokey topic between us when I presented him with the bibs and he took it in the manner it was intended - a joke! Gentle ribbing between husband and wife. Only you know the true intent behind the bib, you have chosen to be insulted but I hope it was gentle humour between a loving couple.

I get dinner down me all the time! If my husband bought this I'd think it funny. I wouldn't use it, but I'd still this it was funny.

Just a typical bloke who doesn't understand the difference between m humour and f humour. Harmless fun, don't even think about it

I was thinking this, very odd to keep on about it.

Or you can wear it, there is no reason (from your posts) to eat so badly that you keep dropping food on yourself

What's his annoying habit, and how you can make fun of it?

Also, is this the kind of relationship you want 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she prefers to eat while watching tv. I hate eating at the table because I don’t like talking while eating! Everyone’s different

On the face of it, it's him attempting a joke. I know people say it's only a joke when two people laugh, however you won't know if someone else finds it funny till you try it.

That aside, it's a pretty strong reaction from you from what appears to be a joke, what else is happening? It's sounds like a final straw type situation.

That’s totally fair actually, I was rather assuming that OP’s husband didn’t mean to be cruel to her and that there was a reasonable expectation of her being ‘in on the joke’ (as a pp puts it). Bit of a leap on my part.

Likely he was making a passive aggressive point. As a pp said most people find bad table /eating manners repulsive. To watch someone with food all down them. And if a woman posted and said her husband did this the responses would be that’s grim, and likely buy him a bib.

i don’t know why the op drops food on herself so much, the excuse of lots of sauce doesn’t cut it. Is she eating too fast,shovelling it in, as that can cause it.

for me, I think she needs to listen to the point being made and make an effort to eat properly. Or eat alone. In old clothing. Where she can get as much on her as she wishes.

I spill food . I eat carefully. I keep my mouth shut when eating

i do have , especially when I get hungry, an unsteady hand. I also have large boobs which means a napkin on my lap is useless, it just drops onto my chest. At home I tend to tuck a napkin into neckline of top. Like Italians do when tackling spaghetti. But if I’m eating out I have to be particularly careful and avoid sloppy food, as in this country it isn’t polite to tuck napkin into your neckline- unlike in Italy. In china, and some Asian countries, by the way, they hold their bowls and chopsticks right up under their chins. Odd, as Japanese don’t, and was odd to see 2 styles side by side in airport lounges! It is cultural whether it is acceptable to accept that eating can be messy,

its not something she needs to look into. That is what napkins were invented for. If her dh has an issue that he is embarrassed by her messiness then that’s a polite delicate conversation.

I think buying someone a 'joke' item for the purpose of pointing out one of their flaws is a really shitty joke.