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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel, if your DH bought you a bib?

245 replies

Bibblunders · 29/08/2024 08:06

He bought me an adult pelican bib! He thinks it's hilarious.

It says on it "if you can read this, I haven't had my dinner yet". I do drop food on myself, fair enough, but I just think this isn't funny.

And, given that I'm never going to wear it, a total waste of time, because to send it back, he has to parcel it back up and drive some distance to a post office, because we don't have a post office in our town.

I don't know if my sense of humour is lacking, but I feel offended. Maybe that's too strong a word, I don't know, maybe belittled or like he's thinking I'm not sexy, if that makes sense? Maybe I need to lighten up!

YABU - lighten up, it's just a joke

YANBU - I wouldn't like that either

OP posts:
Beeranddresses · 29/08/2024 08:35

I voted wrong! Meant to vote YANBU!

I wouldn’t like it either.

Cheeseeasyplease · 29/08/2024 08:37

Bibblunders · 29/08/2024 08:24

We don't eat at the table much these days. We always used to, but since kids have left home, we tend to eat on laps and watch TV. That sounds terrible, written down! We do switch TV off after dinner and have a good talk about our day etc. There's nothing wrong with me, but I do tend to drop food, lol. I don't know why! We have a lot of things with sauce, like curry. I am big chested, but I don't think that's got much to do with it.

Well you don't paint a pretty picture, sitting infront of the tv eating food with lot's of sauce dribbling everywhere.

But he might find it endearing and the bib genuinely is a joke - if not then try going back to the table for a while?

Josephinesnapoleon · 29/08/2024 08:38

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 29/08/2024 08:32

The key phrase here is "provided you aren't being cruelly mocked".

Whether or not this is mockery is determined not by the giver, but by how the recipient feels about it. The OP feels mocked.

Thing about something about yourself that you don't like and are self conscious about. Something that you secretly worry may be judged/mocked by others. Now imagine your DH getting you a 'joke' gift that targets that specific insecurity, and makes fun of it. How would that feel?

Show quote history

That’s hard though, as your thought process means the giver should be able to mind read on all occasions and know how a joke will be taken.

i assume there is some signficant issue with the way the op eats, for him to go to this effort and her to be so upset. And yeah i guess it is unattractive if your partner keeps dropping their food all down them, honestly id be a bit disgusted if my husband did that a lot, unless of course there was some reason why, which isn’t the case here. We can all take the time to eat carefully and eat properly.

BCBird · 29/08/2024 08:38

I'm big chested and have this problem. Why not put some classification music on low , eat at table and discuss your day? Afterwards snuggle up and watch a bit of TV?

TuesdayWhistler · 29/08/2024 08:38

Bibblunders · 29/08/2024 08:24

We don't eat at the table much these days. We always used to, but since kids have left home, we tend to eat on laps and watch TV. That sounds terrible, written down! We do switch TV off after dinner and have a good talk about our day etc. There's nothing wrong with me, but I do tend to drop food, lol. I don't know why! We have a lot of things with sauce, like curry. I am big chested, but I don't think that's got much to do with it.

Use the bib.
Save staining your clothes.

Better to ruin a £10 bib than a £50 top.

👍

Topseyt123 · 29/08/2024 08:39

I could do with one of those. 🤣🤣 Can you send me a link for it?

Beeranddresses · 29/08/2024 08:40

Josephinesnapoleon · 29/08/2024 08:16

I’m not sure why you keep refering it to sex. I don’t see the link. If you keep dropping food on yourself it is something to look at as that’s not normal. And bib or not, he will react to that. It would need to be fairly major if you think it’s enough to put him off sex.

Show quote history

Surely the answer is obvious?

The present made her feel like her husband finds her ridiculous, a joke. We don’t find people sexy who we view as ridiculous and laughable.

If they don’t have sex often, OP is already feeling like he doesn’t find her sexy and this joke’ just compounds that.

Snugglemonkey · 29/08/2024 08:42

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2024 08:12

Jokes are when the other person laughs.

Indeed. I hate people being told something was just a joke when their feelings are hurt. It is so dismissive of their feelings.

Wolfpa · 29/08/2024 08:43

I would roll my eyes at the lame joke and the waste of money and get over it.

StarSlinger · 29/08/2024 08:44

It's not a very funny 'joke' . The OP is allowed to feel pissed off about her DH being a dick.

AngelinaFibres · 29/08/2024 08:44

Singleandproud · 29/08/2024 08:11

I think he's addressing something that irritates him in a light hearted way.

Take the hint and eat at a table where you don't spill your food down yourself.

This. If you were a man and a woman was saying you got food all over your beard when you ate then everyone would be saying how grim that was. Getting food down your front is every bit as grim. I wouldn't want to live with someone who couldn't sit up straight and find their mouth.

LoneHydrangea · 29/08/2024 08:45

Bibblunders · 29/08/2024 08:27

The latter! And now it's a huge effort to return it. Trudging to the next bloody town to the post office!

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Why bother returning it? Donating it would surely be less hassle.

Brefugee · 29/08/2024 08:45

Maddy70 · 29/08/2024 08:08

Its clearly a joke

It's only a joke if OP finds it funny. She doesn't so it isn't

MissPeachyKeen · 29/08/2024 08:47

Yanbu

Might be a joke but it's in poor taste and takes it too far. I wouldn't be happy either.

EI12 · 29/08/2024 08:47

You have to do something about this habit of dropping food on yourself. Lots of people feel revulsion when they see people dropping food on themselves because they cannot eat at the same table with them, and even recalling images of them dropping food on themselves or chewing loudly or chewing with an open mouth is enough to put most people off food, sometimes even for a while. You are barking up the wrong tree, fix your eating manners.

melchim · 29/08/2024 08:48

@MrsTerryPratchett always says what I want to say but more succinctly.

I tell my children 'it's only funny if you're both laughing'. Otherwise, it's cruel.

StarSlinger · 29/08/2024 08:48

Everyone drops food on themselves sometimes.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 29/08/2024 08:49

Josephinesnapoleon · 29/08/2024 08:38

That’s hard though, as your thought process means the giver should be able to mind read on all occasions and know how a joke will be taken.

i assume there is some signficant issue with the way the op eats, for him to go to this effort and her to be so upset. And yeah i guess it is unattractive if your partner keeps dropping their food all down them, honestly id be a bit disgusted if my husband did that a lot, unless of course there was some reason why, which isn’t the case here. We can all take the time to eat carefully and eat properly.

Show quote history

No - the giver just needs to not buy joke gifts unless they know (from previous interactions and experience) that the subject is one the recipient finds funny.

This is the OP's partner, so he lives with her. It wouldn't be that hard for him to figure out whether she finds jokes about her dropping food to be funny.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 29/08/2024 08:52

EI12 · 29/08/2024 08:47

You have to do something about this habit of dropping food on yourself. Lots of people feel revulsion when they see people dropping food on themselves because they cannot eat at the same table with them, and even recalling images of them dropping food on themselves or chewing loudly or chewing with an open mouth is enough to put most people off food, sometimes even for a while. You are barking up the wrong tree, fix your eating manners.

And this is why the gift wasn't really a joke. Because it was making a dig about something lots of people feel revulsion about.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2024 08:53

Thanks @melchim Blush

RedHelenB · 29/08/2024 08:54

StarSlinger · 29/08/2024 08:48

Everyone drops food on themselves sometimes.

This.
Mountain out of a molehill OP

Beeranddresses · 29/08/2024 08:55

Josephinesnapoleon · 29/08/2024 08:38

That’s hard though, as your thought process means the giver should be able to mind read on all occasions and know how a joke will be taken.

i assume there is some signficant issue with the way the op eats, for him to go to this effort and her to be so upset. And yeah i guess it is unattractive if your partner keeps dropping their food all down them, honestly id be a bit disgusted if my husband did that a lot, unless of course there was some reason why, which isn’t the case here. We can all take the time to eat carefully and eat properly.

Show quote history

Your second paragraph rather undermines your first.

Icanttakethisanymore · 29/08/2024 08:55

I think it’s quite funny, I might get one for my DH

MaryMary6589 · 29/08/2024 08:59

I tuck a tea towel into the neckband of my clothes. I'm just very clumsy. Ignore the posters saying that there must be something wrong with you, not exactly helping is it!!

My partner calls one of my tops an 'eating shirt' because I always spill things on it. I'm in on the joke though and find it funny.

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 29/08/2024 09:00

StarSlinger · 29/08/2024 08:48

Everyone drops food on themselves sometimes.

Not everyone. Toddlers do, obviously. Most adults can cope with eating at a table, sitting up straight and concentrating on what they are doing. I'd say it was one of the minimum requirements if you live with other people.