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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel, if your DH bought you a bib?

245 replies

Bibblunders · 29/08/2024 08:06

He bought me an adult pelican bib! He thinks it's hilarious.

It says on it "if you can read this, I haven't had my dinner yet". I do drop food on myself, fair enough, but I just think this isn't funny.

And, given that I'm never going to wear it, a total waste of time, because to send it back, he has to parcel it back up and drive some distance to a post office, because we don't have a post office in our town.

I don't know if my sense of humour is lacking, but I feel offended. Maybe that's too strong a word, I don't know, maybe belittled or like he's thinking I'm not sexy, if that makes sense? Maybe I need to lighten up!

YABU - lighten up, it's just a joke

YANBU - I wouldn't like that either

OP posts:
Firethehorse · 30/08/2024 04:37

Women are meant to be good sports and roll with the ‘jokes’ aren’t we, no sense of humour, sour, dried up if not. You know how rude your ‘D’ H has been in the context of your relationship and I would look at this in the light of how your ‘joking’ relationship works on BOTH sides. My husband and I don’t have a perpetually taking the Michael out of each other with ‘gifts’ type relationship so for me this would be time to have him wrap it up, send it back via a long run to the post office and the more trouble for him the better as a deterrent. We love laughing and have a sense of fun and humour but not against each other. My main eye roll here would be what a monumental waste of time and effort from him to the couriers and providers.
If you are feeling a bit unseen and a bit under loved right now I can see why this would sting and be less amusing than at other times.
Get him to take full responsibility for sending it back, let him know you think it’s ridiculous and go treat yourself to a sexy new top. Whilst you are at it tell him since he was obviously trying to be thoughtful he can replace it with x suitably expensive gift you would like.
Sounds like you both need a shift in how he sees you so don’t let it go and laugh it off when inside you’re hurt.

FictionalCharacter · 30/08/2024 04:40

I'm sure he meant it as a joke. But it's a shitty, unkind joke. He actually spent money on something to poke fun at you.

angeldelite · 30/08/2024 04:51

I have an adult bib, it hangs in the pantry, and I often wear it before I’m about to go out and eating a meal beforehand.

It has saved me from ruining many outfits. Things like spaghetti can leave marks even if you don’t drop it n your top.

I would love it if someone brought me a pretty one.

People dropping food can be annoying, DH and I do get annoyed with each other for it.

Josephinesnapoleon · 30/08/2024 09:48

Whilst you are at it tell him since he was obviously trying to be thoughtful he can replace it with x suitably expensive gift you would like

do people really behave so transactional and grabby in relationships? Every slight is an opportunity to get your hand out?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 30/08/2024 09:57

I would feel humiliated rather than offended if I regularly dropped food down myself and my DH did this. But it would make me stop and think about why he had done it. It seems to me that maybe your dropping food down yourself bothers your DH and the way he tried to address it was with a clumsy joke. Given you have confirmed there is nothing wrong with you (obviously if you were disabled and could not help it then this would be abusive thing to have done) then I think you should probably try a bit harder not to spill your food. I have to say that eating with someone who regularly did that would slightly disgust me I am afraid. I would not bother returning it. It cannot have cost much money. Just bin it but try to address the underlying problem.

Firethehorse · 30/08/2024 10:50

Josephinesnapoleon · 30/08/2024 09:48

Whilst you are at it tell him since he was obviously trying to be thoughtful he can replace it with x suitably expensive gift you would like

do people really behave so transactional and grabby in relationships? Every slight is an opportunity to get your hand out?

Thanks I’m absolutely not grabby but as I said my husband would not find it amusing to humiliate me with a bib. Perhaps the idea of him treating his wife to something nice is to make him think differently about how he is treating and seeing his partner. The OP is feeling a bit down and a bit humiliated so
its interesting you have nothing to say about the husband’s behaviour. I personally think SHE does deserve for him to make up for it and for her to not just take the semi insult/‘joke’ he meted out. Always nice to take the man’s side though.

Runnerduck34 · 30/08/2024 11:22

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 29/08/2024 08:17

Yes, this is one those 'jokes'.which is actually just thinly disguised mockery. It's not nice.

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Agree with both of the above.
I would be upset too it is belittling

Josephinesnapoleon · 30/08/2024 14:39

Firethehorse · 30/08/2024 10:50

Thanks I’m absolutely not grabby but as I said my husband would not find it amusing to humiliate me with a bib. Perhaps the idea of him treating his wife to something nice is to make him think differently about how he is treating and seeing his partner. The OP is feeling a bit down and a bit humiliated so
its interesting you have nothing to say about the husband’s behaviour. I personally think SHE does deserve for him to make up for it and for her to not just take the semi insult/‘joke’ he meted out. Always nice to take the man’s side though.

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Whatever are you on about, I e commented plenty on the thread, at least read it. And yes to basically tell someone they should get financial recompense I’m the shape of an expensive top is bizzare and grabby,not everything is an opportunity to cash in;

ProfessorYaffleMum · 30/08/2024 15:13

I think its a passive aggressive move. Pick a fault that he has, post it and we'll think of 'a joke' you can play on him. We all have faults but having them pointed out by your partner and amplified by his joke seems counterproductive to a happy union. It made you feel badly enough to come here and share.

rubesmum · 31/08/2024 07:13

Probably meant as a joke but it's pretty poor taste!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/08/2024 17:46

Depends on the banter in your relationship. Are you a serious couple, fun couple or half of each....
Also can you laugh at yourself/each other?
So many dynamics which means only you can tell.

If you have kids who've left home, surely you should know him/his jokes by now.

Could also be you were irritable at the time even if subconsciously.

If he's usually lovely, maybe roll your eyes and as others have suggested and get him back. 😉

Scammersarescum · 31/08/2024 17:50

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/08/2024 08:16

Presumably it's a joke.

Why are you dropping food all the time? We eat at a table for all meals and use cotton napkins on our laps. I've managed not to drop food on my clothes for the last 50 odd years.

I appreciate it might be different if you don't have a table though.

Well I've got a big chest so mine always drops on my clothes rather than my lap.

Not everyone is the same, perhaps be less judgemental.

Litlgreyrabbit · 31/08/2024 18:15

Being able to laugh at yourself is sexy OP, being huffy isn’t.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 19:09

Scammersarescum · 31/08/2024 17:50

Well I've got a big chest so mine always drops on my clothes rather than my lap.

Not everyone is the same, perhaps be less judgemental.

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But why are you dropping food in the first place? Everyone does it occasionally, but to do it frequently isn't usual.

MissPeachyKeen · 31/08/2024 21:57

RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 19:09

But why are you dropping food in the first place? Everyone does it occasionally, but to do it frequently isn't usual.

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Oh just, go do something else, will you

enterthedragonn · 31/08/2024 22:08

YABU, but perhaps you can't see the lighter side because you already have issues with him so this has just fuelled the fire? Just an assumption!

petmad · 02/09/2024 12:43

its only a joke if you find it funny otherwise hes an ah i spill stuff but i have a medical condition and my family would never in a million years buy a bib

Jaybail · 02/09/2024 12:45

I'd be grateful! I am a spiller, can't seem to keep things like noodles on my fork🤣

StrawberryKebab · 02/09/2024 22:05

It would be ideal for me and save a fortune on kitchen roll….. I always seem to drop the last mouthful on my top otherwise🤣

Goodtogossip · 04/09/2024 13:58

There's a big jump from your husband buying you a joke present to 'we've not had much sex recently' I think you have issues with how your relationship is at the moment rather than the actual present. Does it worry you how your husband sees you? Do you feel he's no longer attracted to you? Have a think about why this has upset you so much & maybe chat with your husband about how you feel..

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