To think MIL should have consulted ME about Father's Day?

[head2toeinuniqlo]

I have a DH and 2 DC. DH's parents live close by, although we very seldom see them (their choice).

We're in Australia so Father's Day is this Sunday. We had a vague plan of what to do, but thought as a gesture I would reach out to MIL and see if they wanted to do something together. We don't normally, but thought it would be nice. MIL said she had already spoken to SIL and asked her to talk to DH to arrange something.

Firstly, why would DH be organising his own Father's Day?
And secondly, she knows that I do all of the arranging for the family, as she does for hers. Why didn't she contact ME if she wanted to do something together, rather than exclude me from the arrangements?

Sorry I just needed to get that off my chest. She has form for talking to DH when it would be more appropriate to talk to me. It really pisses me off, tbh. We could have had a nice surprise planned for DH that he didn't know about.

I am tempted now to just do our own thing. AIBU?

Thanks but I could say the same about your comment. You do realise this is a chat forum where people are allowed to give opinions and , you know, chat?

Ok what is the rule here? I have two boys. Do I arrange things through my own son who is perfectly capable, has a brain, can buy cards and gifts, cook, book a pub, etc or do I liaise with my DIL?

im confused as on MN I read so much about DILs being fed up with MIL contacting them rather than their own capable son.

Source?

Bloody hell, controlling much?

Your source of webMD … All in all, is WebMD trustworthy? It depends on which page you land on and what you're looking for. The site may be an okay starting point for information, like Wikipedia. But the information isn't always reliable, and unlike Wikipedia, the site's business model relies on the same industry it reports on.

So had you organised a surprise day out for your DH? If you hadn’t then “what if I had done xyz…” is something of a moot point anyway.

i get it, you don’t like her, but she’s done nothing wrong.

Then the problem is your dh, not your sil.

I think this is an overreaction, mil has spoken to her own kids about their own Dad related to fathers day - seems completely normal to me! You sound controlling, thinking all arrangements have to go through you first, surely DH is just as entitled to make plans, the day is about him and FIL after all!

Did anyone else have a flash of panic that they'd forgotten fathers' day

Mother of a teenage son here. Like fuck will I be consulting his future wife or gf as if she's some kind of gatekeeper. Get over yourself.

OK, I'll leave it now. Honestly it's the same story every single time. In 10 years, we've only spent 2 Christmases with PIL. I will ask PIL if they want to spend Xmas together, MIL says she'll let me know, I'll ask her again a few weeks later, she says she'll let me know, then she'll ask DH what's happening for Xmas and of course he won't know because nothing has been organised because she refuses to speak to me. It's madness.

Anyway, thanks for the support, but to be honest some of the replies were quite spiteful so I won't be coming back to the thread as I found it quite upsetting.

WebMD is infinitely more trustworthy that Wikipedia.

Look, I am not an expert on ADHD. I do have experience with ADHD kids and some ADHD in the family, but I am by no means a medical expert. I have always been told that you can potentially grow out of ADHD and a quick Google just now seems to confirm that.

I am willing to be shown I'm wrong. I agree that sources online can be sketchy. If you know of research, please link it.

In any case, I really don't think OP describing DH as having "ADHD as a child" deserves the level of outrage it seems to have gotten. It's not a sign that she's a horrible person.

Omg that's not what the op is saying.
She's saying she might have booked something for her husband as a surprise and it makes more sense to talk to her about making plans.. She's SAYING SHE MAKES THE PLANS. SHE MAKES THE PLANS PEOPLE!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, OP. I hope you find a solution you can live with. Perhaps just do your own thing and go your own way and leave the legwork up to PIL? All the best

Cos it's his Dad?
Maybe you just all need to communicate better?

Thanks for that. Pathetic eh? Of course it's not a competition but I didn't think it was on that mother's day was just about my mother in law and nothing for me. We always make father's day about DH. Is it wrong to also want some kind of mother's day celebration for myself? It didn't mean not celebrating my MIL.

I think it's pathetic to let yourself be ignored on MD.

If you end up being in this mils situation, perhaps it would help to think of your dil not as a gatekeeper but the hapless victim of your incompetent (in this are) child and also of your own refusal to accept this and lack of genuine desire to see your child and his family, since surely she’d try harder if she did want to see them. She’s just a woman who’d like to make some bloody plans for her family 2 days from now and not be left ignorant of any potential plans others are making.

Op are you new here? I saw the negative comments coming as soon as I read your post..mumsnet is obsessed with 'it's his mum not yours' utter nonsense rubbish. Mil is only allowed to speak to her son about these types of things. You're an afterthought on this site.
I agree with you. He may be a son on their end but he's a dad your end and as you make the plans it would have been an idea to check in with you first. Your mil and sil are not stupid. They go straight to your hubby to ensure their own needs are met first let's not gloss over this or they are just plain stupid and selfish. There's nothing to stop you seeing them for some time and then do you're on thing for the rest of the day. And to those saying there's nothing wrong with the sil making the plans with her brother ... well there is.. the dh husband in this has his own kids.. these families have had all their years to do fathers day... now it's the turn of the kids to make memories with their dad!

This is exactly what I thought- she’s approaching it from the pov of him being the son of her husband and doing something for his father, rather than your pov of him being a father himself.

This.
You lost me at outgrowing ADHD (you can learn techniques as you get older but it doesn't bloody disappear)

Side note: I would imagine he still has ADHD. Not really something you can grow out of

You’re not an expert yet will argue your point? Just look at how many posters are saying you don’t outgrow ADHD … The outrage OP’s comment re ADHD is getting is actually very deserved imo. We’ll leave the ADHD there though and agree to disagree.
No-one has said OP is a horrible person that I’ve read? You seem to be putting words where there aren’t any 🤷🏻‍♀️

But not as trustworthy as actual specialist medical sites. If they are paid/sponsored by the industry they’re supporting/reporting, then that’s very biased, not independent, and probably not 100% factual. As very proven in the Andrew Wakefield fiasco.