Would you assume that your toddler was invited?

[NotCamping]

I’m not yet a parent so I’m curious to know if parents would assume their 18 month old was invited.

I’m neither party in this scenario btw but one of the attendees.

The host arranged an afternoon in a restaurant which serves themed cocktails(or mocktails)with a tasting menu.

One guest brought her 18 month old son. It’s not a child free venue as such but neither is it at all child friendly and there are no children’s menus. it was 5pm and she wasn’t asked about the baby but assumed that he was welcome as the host didn’t state that he was.

So I’m curious to know if you assume if your children are invited if it isn’t specified that they are or if it’s the host’s responsibility to make it clear?

TIA

I have a toddler and no way would i take them to something like this! If i couldnt get anyone to look after my child then i just wouldn't go.

No I definitely wouldn't assume. But I also wouldn't be able to go unless I had my DC with me, so I'd have to decline the invite.

I rarely drink, and I wouldn't drink at 5pm. But that's not the point. It's the adult company I would want, not someone else's snotty nosed toddler or baby. Completely changes the dynamic, and to assume that your child is invited is absolutely entitled.

You and your child don't 'come as a package'. Your child honestly isn't as interesting to other people as they are to you... I know I'm being harsh, but this sort of attitude really annoys me!

show face/stay for one....face explain nae childcare to the originator(duno what propa word is) didnt wanna rsvp be there n not go...pick slammer n trollied dolly the wean hame.
otherwise.no

5pm is pretty standard in London and most big cities. It's obviously not peak time but it's definitely not a bizarre time.

OP, agree with the majority of here that there is no way I would ever assume cocktail tasting was a child friendly event, no matter what time of day!

She’s so attached to her 5 year old she brings them to all adult occasions she’s invited to?
How does she manage to separate herself to allow the child to go to school?

I think if you don't specify, someone will bring their DC, by assumption or CF'ery. But it's not clear to everyone that X type of party is child free.

For example, we went to two parties earlier this year. Same venue, same family, open bar, one night apart (groan). Both formal, starting at 6pm. The engagement party was child free. The milestone cocktail party had a kids' activity table.

Admittedly, I always ask if not specified but there doesn't appear to be a clear rule. Assumption doesn't work.

@KerryBlues I didn't mean in a weird way, she just has very little family and they kinda just had each other when her DD was little. Shes much more independent now and is fine at school etc but yes she does still come to a lot of evening events. Just horses for courses, I'm not going to criticise my friend, it works for them and nobody in our group minds.

Definitely not a child friendly event, I wouldn’t even consider taking my little one to something like that - if I didn’t have the childcare, I wouldn’t go

I'm surprised the venue even let a baby in! Places like that often don't allow children and babies in as they don't have insurance for them to be on the premises.

Anyway... no, I would never assume my baby was invited to this type of event!

Depends who it was with
Work friends - no
Core group of friends - would have just dropped it in the group chat as hey sorry no childcare anyone's DH want another one or shall I just bring him and the IPad? We've took the kids to similar events over the years and we all manage fine, the kids are now capable of sitting in a restaurant which they enjoy at 10+

Common sense it's not a child friendly event. I think she was wrong.

If you don't have childcare,just don't go
Nobody and I mean nobody wants your kids there
Especially as they've left their own kids at home.
I couldn't imagine anything worse,and I'd probably leave.

@StarvingMarvin222 luckily we would all rather see each other than it be 100% child free. Our kids have been raised to be part of the group not an add on. Plus at 10+ they can either join in the conversation or are happy with screens + game credit.

Fair enough. Most people are still at work at 5pm I’d imagine! I lived in London for 10 years and went to many Michelin restaurants but nice attempt at pulling the ‘well in London’ card 😄 Admittedly I was never much of a drinker.

And once again, to reiterate, I never said I would take a child to an event like this. I said I would ask for a later time or a more child friendly event.

I definitely wouldn't take a child to a cocktail tasting but I have been surprised at the number of people who just don't seem to understand that no there is nobody I can leave the children with overnight or for a weekend... Several people still ask me when I'm coming.back to a hobby I used to do with my husband when surely it should be obvious that without local family we can't both go out on the same night every week (we could hire a babysitter occasionally to go out for a birthday/anniversary dinner but would cost a fortune every week). I've explained to the hobby people before but they still keep asking me and I'm not sure why it's so hard to understand...

Maybe they can’t understand why you don’t take it in turns rather than him going every week?

Iits different if it's a collective group decision though.

That's very different to a group who think it's going to he adults only for then one person to bring a toddler with them.

I think there's a time and a place for both types of gathering. Bringing kids to the wrong type just ruins it for everyone else. Sorry but no I don't always want 10 year olds to join the conversation.

Maybe you were not invited to things because you brought your kids uninvited?

I would rather never go out again than take an 18 month old to something like that.

I wouldn’t care if someone brought their 18 month old to an event like that if I had organised it. It may mean the mum can’t come if she can’t bring the baby.

I wouldn't assume that, but I've also had that experience with someone bringing a dog into a venue without saying beforehand. I'm a jeweller and we run classes, someone said they'd like to book but bring their 3-month-old - we use a lot of flames and dangerous items, I explained that it wouldn't be suitable, but I couldn't imagine considering something aimed at adults and bringing my baby

OP, please, tell us more. I need to know if people tutted, if he was running around or sat still, if he cried, if she demanded colouring pencils, if anyone said anything to her, if there were whispers and side eye, if he mashed fish fingers into the carpet, if she tried to change him on her lap..

You are being far too reserved for my nosiness.

Thank you xx

No way no place for an child and no if someone would ask me first thing Id say is Ill check if dh will have child if free or or ill try get an baby sitter and let you know, If it was at an mates house or an party then Id ask if it was child free or can i bring dc.