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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you assume that your toddler was invited?

150 replies

NotCamping · 28/08/2024 16:52

I’m not yet a parent so I’m curious to know if parents would assume their 18 month old was invited.

I’m neither party in this scenario btw but one of the attendees.

The host arranged an afternoon in a restaurant which serves themed cocktails(or mocktails)with a tasting menu.

One guest brought her 18 month old son. It’s not a child free venue as such but neither is it at all child friendly and there are no children’s menus. it was 5pm and she wasn’t asked about the baby but assumed that he was welcome as the host didn’t state that he was.

So I’m curious to know if you assume if your children are invited if it isn’t specified that they are or if it’s the host’s responsibility to make it clear?

TIA

OP posts:
okayhescereal · 28/08/2024 17:13

No, however having been the host in very similar situations it doesn't at all surprise me that someone thought it was fine to bring their children as it wasn't expressly stated they weren't invited. Or even sometimes in spite of saying they're not invited. There are some seriously entitled people out there, and a fair few clueless ones.

PerkyMintDeer · 28/08/2024 17:13

Hilarious! Absolutely not! How are people this brass-necked/bonkers?

TwinklyNight · 28/08/2024 17:15

I go by if you're not invited you're not welcome.

MrsAvocet · 28/08/2024 17:19

Whether I'd assume my children were invited to something would depend on what it was I guess. If a friend with similar aged children made a verbal invitation along the lines of "We're going to the Zoo on Saturday would you like to come?" then yes, I'd assume "you" was plural and our whole family was invited. But if it was "Would you like to come with me to a spa day" then I'd assume it was just me! For any written invitation I would expect it to include the kids names or "and family" if they were invited. No names = no invitation.

I took my children to lots of places with me when they were little but some activities and venues are clearly adult orientated. I wouldn't have taken a child to the sort of event described here - not fair to either the other attendees or the child. If I didn't have suitable childcare I'd just decline rather than drag my child along to an event that would clearly hold no interest for them and would almost certainly disrupt things for other people.

Noseybookworm · 28/08/2024 17:40

I would never assume my child was included in the invite unless it's specifically expressed - as in 'Would you all like to come for a bbq Sunday'

This particular event doesn't sound like a child friendly event and if it goes on into the evening, even less so.

TickingAlongNicely · 28/08/2024 17:43

Depends on the event...
Family get together...presume kids invited.
Baby group, daytime event... yes unless it was specified as child free

Group of friends... no way!

TemuSpecialBuy · 28/08/2024 17:45

I have a 6m and 2.5 yr old.

In no world would i bring them and in no world were they invited to a clearly adult event.

The mum clearly has some issues or some point she wants made known

Nosleepforthismum · 28/08/2024 17:51

God it’s making me feel stressed even thinking about taking my 1 year old to that kind of event so I’m a bit WTF that she actually wanted to take them!

TruthorDie · 28/08/2024 17:53

No way would l bring an 18 month to that

DaisyChain505 · 28/08/2024 17:56

No I wouldn’t bring them and I would be annoyed if I was turning up to a cocktail afternoon with my friends and someone had their child with them.

it completely changes the tone of the afternoon and everyone is constantly being interrupted or distracted by said child wanting to butt in or because of their behaviour.

tellingtalessometimes · 28/08/2024 17:57

And I guess she thought everyone should be talking about her baby and what stages he has passed. What a bore at a do like that. Totally changes the dynamic and conversation style.

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 28/08/2024 17:59

I’d be really pissed off if I arranged childcare and someone brought their baby along. I missed loads of stuff when the DC were small. That’s life as a parent. They’re teens now and I’m making up for it.

Procrastinates · 28/08/2024 18:01

Of course no one with any sense would bring a child to such an event. It doesn't need explicitly stating that the toddler wasn't invited because it's common bloody sense that it's not a child friendly activity.

I bet the poor host was mortified, although at least she knows for sure now that the mother is a CF.

Georgyporky · 28/08/2024 18:02

I'm undecided; silly woman or CF ? Possibly both.

SauviGone · 28/08/2024 18:02

No.

It’s so obvious that a child would not be included in the invitation, that there’s no need for the host to even specifically mention “no children”.

I hope everyone ignored her and her child. I’d make a point of sitting as far from her as possible. Without even knowing her I’m sure she’s a total mum bore, who can talk about nothing else but her offspring.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 28/08/2024 18:02

No way, and I promise I am a nice and understanding person who likes other people's kids but I would be so irritated by a child of that age at that kind of do. It's the sort of thing you go to to get a break from the kids!

It's also very strange to think that you can bring someone just because no-one said they couldn't come. Shall I just bring my mum, sister, husband, auntie, dog, a bloke off tinder and the local vicar every time I go out for dinner with my friends then? Wierd.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/08/2024 18:03

The person bringing their child is batshit.

How deeply rude to everyone else.

An excuse of 'she didn't say no kids' is on a par with 'she didn't say no dinosaurs' or 'she didn't say not to shit on the tables' for this kind of event.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 28/08/2024 18:09

Can I ask (not that it makes a difference, I'm curious) was the child just sat in a buggy or were they running around annoying people? was it a big or small venue where a buggy would get in the way? (I hate all buggies at the best of time tbh). Did other guest notice? Did people tut?

Basically I am nosy about how much of an impact the child being there made, if she cared, and if anyone said anything.

Werweisswohin · 28/08/2024 18:18

No, of course not.

fortheveryfirsttime · 28/08/2024 18:20

Really weird thing to bring a child to. Not appropriate and would totally change the vibe.

What were they thinking?!

HerewegoagainSS · 28/08/2024 18:20

Are people actually this obtuse?

SeashellCandle · 28/08/2024 18:23

I don't think she did it out of rudeness or CFery but because she simply had no childcare available. Willing to bet that she's a single parent or has a workaholic or controlling/abusive partner. She probably couldn't afford a babysitter or reached the max limit on how ofter she could get her parents to watch her kid. There's a lot of speculation going on here regarding how "welcome" or "invited" a toddler is. Most mums are under no illusions that their toddler is never explicitly welcome at a public venue. The only ones that take their kids to adult getogethers are those who really have no choice or "pick me" women who want to show everyone they can still do everything in their life despite kids.

TemuSpecialBuy · 28/08/2024 18:26

SeashellCandle · 28/08/2024 18:23

I don't think she did it out of rudeness or CFery but because she simply had no childcare available. Willing to bet that she's a single parent or has a workaholic or controlling/abusive partner. She probably couldn't afford a babysitter or reached the max limit on how ofter she could get her parents to watch her kid. There's a lot of speculation going on here regarding how "welcome" or "invited" a toddler is. Most mums are under no illusions that their toddler is never explicitly welcome at a public venue. The only ones that take their kids to adult getogethers are those who really have no choice or "pick me" women who want to show everyone they can still do everything in their life despite kids.

If you have no childcare for an event with a tasting menu that starts at 5pm.... you decline

I feel sorry for the host and like i said i have a 6m and 2 yr old

Decoratedwithbiscuitcrumbs · 28/08/2024 18:29

Oh no I'd be mortified to say the least.
I'd go out to escape my kids for a bit and would rather not have to deal with an unsettled and out of place little one!

QueenOfWeeds · 28/08/2024 18:32

I wouldn’t take 18mo DD to that even if she was invited!

Absolutely no way she could have thought the child was.