Would you assume that your toddler was invited?

[NotCamping]

I’m not yet a parent so I’m curious to know if parents would assume their 18 month old was invited.

I’m neither party in this scenario btw but one of the attendees.

The host arranged an afternoon in a restaurant which serves themed cocktails(or mocktails)with a tasting menu.

One guest brought her 18 month old son. It’s not a child free venue as such but neither is it at all child friendly and there are no children’s menus. it was 5pm and she wasn’t asked about the baby but assumed that he was welcome as the host didn’t state that he was.

So I’m curious to know if you assume if your children are invited if it isn’t specified that they are or if it’s the host’s responsibility to make it clear?

TIA

Good God no! I wouldn't bring a 12 year old to that. Why do some people have to bring their kids everywhere?? If I had no sitter I just wouldn't go. Weird behaviour

No I’d have assumed he wasn’t invited and I’d have checked with host if I wanted to take a child.

Ottersmith
Well it depends. With my group of friends I have been assuming that my child is invited then I get annoyed when it's not child friendly. I think they should explicitly state either way because my default would be to bring him as we come as a package now.

🤣 will you go to school with him too?

I'm sure she knew perfectly well he wasn't invited and she didn't care.

Obv a toddler wouldn't be invited to a cocktail session

Why on Earth did she bring them. Esp if had a dh at home

I think she didn’t ask as she knew he wasn’t invited, but was going to bring him anyway.

So you expect your friends should only go to child friendly places for the next decade+?? You are a person in your own right. You aren't just a mother and as much as you adore your child and want to spend time with them, it's ridiculous to think that that relationship trumps any other consideration or that it needs to be explained to you gently and explicitly why a cocktail evening with taster menu isn't child friendly.

I have a similar aged DC. No, I would not have brought him!

If I happened to have been stuck for childcare I most likely would have assumed I wouldn't be going.

I would not have taken a toddler. Why did the person not clarify if it was a child friendly/ invited occasion.

If my friends invite me on what appears to be an adult evening out I wouldn't even consider bringing a child. Of any age.
1 - it's not fair on the child who will get bored, and
2 - I wouldn't really enjoy the evening always having one or more eyes on the baby, making sure they were settled, weren't fretting, weren't getting bored and fidgety. I'd be distracted rather than relaxed and enjoying my friends' company.

You shouldn't have to specify that on an invite. She was just being an arse. Is she one of those who believes nobody in the world ever had a baby before she did?

Can they afford childcare? Are they lonely?

Not as bad as a cocktail do but I've been the person who didn't check if I can bring the kids in case it was a no because I couldn't afford childcare and was sad and lonely and desperate to attend the one thing I'd been invited to in months.

Otherwise it's unreasonable

Presably, you have a group chat or something?

If you're often asked to be the organiser, I think I'd he inclined to explicitly state, "Children are not welcome to attend any event unless explicitly stated."

That's a bit more direct and less, um, woolly than "children aren't invited" because you've explicitly stated 'not welcome' so there's no opportunity for, "Well I know children weren't really invited but i thought it would be ok"

No, I would not expect a child to be invited to such an event. Seriously!

This is where it becomes difficult. I can completely understand why you did that but I still think it's unfair on the others who have found childcare and are looking for a childfree night out where every conversation isn't going to be interrupted only to have that happen because of the one person who decided the rules weren't going to apply to them.

And I have been that lonely, broke single parent on many an occasion when my eldest was little. I still wouldn't have just turned up with my child though. And didn't. I never used a babysitter. I just didn't go out.

So, whilst understandable, it is still unreasonable.

5pm in a restaurant which serves themed cocktails(or mocktails)with a tasting menu????

Batshit to bring your toddler 😂 I am a mum of 2 and would never. I would love the chance to have some time off to myself! If I was desperate to go and couldn’t find a sitter at least I would have asked the person organising it. But it doesn’t sound fun for the mum, other guests or the kid tbh.

A baby in arms at a push but I would’ve asked. Absolutely not 18 month old!

No, really. Not a baby either.

This has to be a joke!

I would be really pissed off if someone brought their kid to an event like that. It's the sort of thing you go to to get away from kids.

Well it depends. With my group of friends I have been assuming that my child is invited then I get annoyed when it's not child friendly. I think they should explicitly state either way because my default would be to bring him as we come as a package now

That's just ridiculous. And I can't imagine your friends are too thrilled about it either!

If you take your child when not invited you have no right getting annoyed when an adult only event turns out to not be child friendly.

I’d be excited for an adult only cocktail event, and wouldn’t be happy if someone else brought their toddler either.

It was a cocktail afternoon. My friends don't get smashed in the afternoon a la Brit.

Well I wouldn't be drunk in the afternoon either. I'd still be pissed off if someone brought a toddler to a cocktail event. What about a cocktail event screams 'bring your child!'?

Absolutely nothing.

My ex friend did this for three years. Her child is now eight she has a husband and I have not seen her alone since the child was born. I no longer invite her to anything

Absolutely not why on earth would it enter the person's head to take an 18 mong old to a cocktail tasting session?

No one got “smashed” I don’t drink alcohol so I had mocktails but even those on cocktails(which were small and accompanied by food from the tasting menu) were far from being smashed.

And she isn’t lonely that I know of.