Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

Sounds like a really weird set up.
could you get a fridge for beer and use your fridge for food (and massive salads) like everyone else.

Outrageous. Start doing a weekly shop, online so it’s not physically taxing. And find somewhere to store the food. Can’t believe you expect someone, who is paying you for food, to go out everyday to shop. What a waste of time and energy.

This. What a weird OP.

YABU

I have a small under the counter fridge I got from Free to Collect in the conservatory with pop and wine etc in it.

Kitchen fridge is for food - maybe do that

also yes why not mention your are 34 weeks pregnant?

This. YABU, I'm afraid.

I am trying to imagine this fridge that only holds a few beers and snacks.

Make space in the fridge or get a bigger or second fridge.

If you don't want to do a weekly shop and he doesn't want to do a weekly shop, each of you get 3 days of food in once a week. So Monday your DS picks up 3 days worth and then Thursday, you do it. And GET EACH OTHER'S FOOD whilst you're doing it. You're a family - live like one.

You are going to have to change this set up anyway if you're having a baby as they are going to need regular fresh food quite soon,
So you might as well change it now.
Your son needs space to store food, you will need space to store food for the baby.
Beer is going to have to take second place to food.

I'd be pretty fed up if someone expected me to go shopping EVERY DAY. The whole reason fridges exist is so that isn't necessary.

Or you could split the packs of meat in your conservatory freezer, chicken breasts in to individual bags or sausages into packs of three. Then all he needs to do is take a bag out in the morning before he leaves for work, tuck it in the fridge and it'll be ready to cook when he gets home. Easy.

This sounds more like restless, late pregnancy irritation than a real problem. When are you due? 🙂

Well If you can’t store food for him use some of his money to get another fridge or make him pay much less rent and get him to buy his own ingredients?
You are being incredibly selfish and unfair

Can I tentatively suggest that if OP is only eating a salad (even if it is "massive") at lunchtime and nothing in the evening, this is probably not helping her energy levels?

It's also potentially not great for the baby, if she is pregnant.

He is an adult, you don’t have to cook for him. You do have to let him cook for himself. That includes allocating him fridge and freezer space.

what exactly do you expect him to do for food if he isn’t allowed to keep any on the kitchen? It is not reasonable for him to have to buy his food daily and it is not reasonable to have to eat out every meal.

I was thinking the same, it all sounds very cold and miserable. To me, family meals are such an integral part of life, not to mention the importance of having home cooked from scratch food at least a decent proportion of the time. Outside of holidays if I go even a few days without a proper home cooked hot meal, I feel kind of crappy and a bit disconnected or something. If I never had it I'd feel I may as well be living in an institution..

What did you do when your son was younger? Have you never had "family meals" Perhaps you son doesn't know how to cook? I@m thinking if you've never had family meals together - your son is unlikely to suddenly be able to cook for himself now he's working.
He's dh's son but I consider him my son as he's lived with dh since he was small although I wasn't on the scene the whole time they ate a lot of take away but that doesn't fit into the budget now.

I suppose I have a lot to learn but I don't feel like cooking in this heat and didn't think many people ate hot meals through the summer I know I didn't growing up and dh doesn't fancy it just ds does.

What does he get for his £400 a month ??

What’s in your freezer, can you not get something out and start using it ?, I would bulk cook, pasta / rice all sorts, portion it up and get one out in the morning to defrost and reheat in the evening.

start doing a weekly shop I pay for delivery from Tesco on a monthly thing it soon pays for itself you can have as many deliveries for over £50 you like.

clear some freezer space and bulk cook, use a slow cooker to make it easier.

you all sound mean to each other. Why not eat less during the day and eat together at night like a family? Why not buy a beer fridge and make space for proper food. It all sounds completely joyless

The phrase “massive salad” indicates this might be a wind up post to me 🤔

I don't really understand? You either charge him enough to cover buying his food or charge him less and he buys his own food?

Either way he should cook himself if he's the only one eating.

Can't you meal plan every weekend and just buy what you all need for the week?

I’d reduce my housekeeping money accordingly if there was no food in the house for me.

If you're going to live like flatmates, you need to organise the set-up properly.

How many shelves in your fridge? 3/4? Everyone gets a shelf and then one shelf is used for shared items like milk, cheese, butter. If they want to keep beer/snacks etc. in the fridge, they need to use their shelf space.

Set a rent for your DS that doesn't involve food/cooking.

When the baby comes, you'll need fridge space for bottles etc. so really you need a separate fridge for your DS by that point.

Are you the only one who's going to cook for the baby? Because they'll be weaning and need meals pretty soon.

Your whole set-up needs a re-think.

Honestly one of the most bonkers threads I've read lately.
If there is meat in the freezer - why dont you (or your son) take a portion of meat out in the morning (easy to portion up chicken/sausages/chops enough for one person)
So everyone else is saying your pregnant? I dont see why that's so relevent here? I get that you may have days when you're tired? But if your son is old enough to work surely he's old enough to learn how to grill a chop or similar when he's home from work??
You have a total non-issue here!

This! What the hell is he supposed to do?

How old is he by the way? £400 for a DC living at home is pretty average and would usually include food, which you're not providing. Charge him less and get a bigger fridge!