Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

I guess the options are:

• he knows this will happen so he buys himself something every day on the way home from work/on his lunch break, then you don't have to go out and get it yourself.
• you buy a bigger fridge or an alternative fridge for the beers and snacks.

You need to make him buying his own shopping an option.

Saying you can't put things in the fridge but also you can't rely on it being full (absolutely fair) doesn't stack up.

£400 is very cheap for rent bills and food. He can buy some of his own things.

If he gets home and there's nothing in, why are YOU running to the shop? Prepare him for when there's nobody there to do it and make him go out to the shop himself.

Your son is working so I assume an adult. Tell him to buy, cook, and clean up after himself, and mean it. This is part of the reason why we have so many shit men in this world--boys aren't ever expected to learn to care for themselves in today's society.

I taught both my children, one boy, one girl, to cook starting at age 11. By the time they were early teens they each planned 1 meal/week, did the cooking, set the table, presented the food and cleaned up afterward. The only thing I did was buy the food.

Children become capable and responsible adults when they are trained and taught the skills needed. OP, your son needs a kick in the arse. An adult should be able to feed himself.

Yes, you said it more eloquently

Why should he eat a diet of UPFs? If his food is included in what he pays then he needs there to be ingredients available to make something then he can cook for himself. Otherwise what? He doesn't eat? I don't really understand this set up.

Living with alcoholics that prioritise beer over food in the fridge and bringing another baby into it, is the baby going to live off beer too when they are weaned?

This can't be real. Stop putting beer in the fridge instead of food. They want beer they go get it.

If you’re not storing food in the fridge and it’s full of beer why do you care what he buys and where he stores it . Move the beer into a cupboard and clear a shelf for your son. Deciding what to cook is singularly the most hateful job in the world. Worse if you’re not even going to be eating it. So stop doing it !?

Do you have an air fryer? He can put some frozen chicken and chips in and just turn it on. I do frozen pizza in mine. Keep some pasta, pasta sauces, beans, tuna in the cupboard. Bag of grated cheese and precooked meats in the fridge. I would keep it super simple.

This all seems odd- so you never eat a home cooked meal together as a family?

What do you expect him to do? You won't cook for him (fair enough) but you also won't let him buy his own food to keep in the house? Is he supposed to eat out every night?

I’d be asking why husband was eating at work st lunchtime instead of sharing family meal. He’d be the one I wasn’t ok with

Surely you can take some of the beer and snacks out of the fridge and then there would be space for ingredients? Honestly I don't see an issue here?
Either you buy the ingredients in your normal shop - or your son does his own shopping - thats up to you really. Then he can make himself some food when it suits him.
What did you do when your son was younger? Have you never had "family meals" Perhaps you son doesn't know how to cook? I@m thinking if you've never had family meals together - your son is unlikely to suddenly be able to cook for himself now he's working.

This sounds incredibly disorganised, I couldn't live like that. I have grandsons between 13 and 20 who all contribute to cooking meals at home but it involves some planning which you, your partner and your son could all take part in.

Take the beer out of the fridge and reduce your DS’s contribution by £150/£200 a month and he looks after his own food?

If you’re pregnant now - you will need a plan for extra food space for your baby anyway within a year. Where did you keep your DS’s food when he was younger ?

Op, it's really not hard. Tell your dh or son to buy themselves one of those little beer fridges, then clear out your fridge of their beer and anything longtime lurking.

How difficult is it to buy eggs, cheese, a couple of chicken breasts at the weekend and then pork chops, and some burgers on a Thursday? Veggies will keep for three days out of the fridge. Make some space and tell your ds to shop & cook for himself.

Not that it's on you but honestly sounds like you and your family could do with some healthier eating habits. Eating one meal a day, mostly outside of the house and no room for meat and vegetables in your fridge just doesn't sound like a healthy lifestyle. If you're heavily pregnant you'll be wanting to get ahead of this for the baby. But chin off the son. He can sort himself out.

We're thinking the same 🤣

What on earth do you expect him to do if you won't allow him to store his own food in the house but also don't want to make food for him?

Just clear a shelf in the fridge and freezer and let him use that.

It's both ds and his dad they both drink it together. I have a small freezer in the conservatory which I bought in Covid but that's full of frozen meat and things that would be out of date if not frozen.
I think if he brought home something each evening to make then he'd be doing exactly what I'm doing for him but that doesn't seem right so I do feel obligated to cook something but I'm finding it very stressful maybe it's just because it's so hot.

You don't say how old your son is. That is relevant.

Why not buy a small fridge that he can keep in his room, maybe a small freezer to go on top,or another room if you have one, even in the hall or on the landing, They aren't expensive, have a look on Amazon and Argos.

Then he can buy his own food and store it.

However you can't expect him to do that and continue paying you £400 a month.

You don’t have to cook for him OP but if you’re not going to let him buy his own food then you do have to make sure you have stuff in the house for him to make a meal!

So you charge him for food but don’t buy food, so you are pocketing that? It’s not fair to charge him and then not shop. And it’s absolutely not fair to deny him space in the fridge. You don’t need a fridge full of beer, keep them in a cupboard and put 4 in as needed.

How pregnant are you OP?