Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

How much beer are they drinking?
Do they drink every day?

Why are you responsible for cooking?
Why isn't his Dad worrying about it.

As I said earlier in the thread, op is having a baby. What’s she going to do? Just not feed the baby because there is no room in the fridge?? It’s just crazy if you ask me!

I haven’t decided she’s lying, I believe she is telling the truth about the beers. But she’s happy to sit there and let the beers take over the fridge whilst making some bullshit excuse there’s no room for food! And before you say it’s not her problem- maybe not but it’s no use coming on here moaning about it! If it’s such an issue to her why doesn’t she just move the damn beers herself! “Why should she have to when she didn’t put them there?” You might say - Ok if she wants to have that attitude then fine but why create a thread on here moaning about it rather than doing something about it! Just seems she’s happy with her massive salad one meal a day at work, stuff the ds!!

This is all very bizarre and screams ‘food issues’ to me.

I agree! What sort of people stock up on a fridge full of beer to the extent there is no room in the fridge for food! It’s all just weird, very weird!

No idea what she's going to do when the baby gets here.

I wouldn't be so sure that she's happy to just sit there and let the beers take over, she sounds passive about it sure, but I would say that if there's a fridge full of beers that there's probably a drinking problem at play here.

If it’s such an issue to her why doesn’t she just move the damn beers herself! “Why should she have to when she didn’t put them there?” You might say

No that's not what I'd say. I'm assume that she wasn't 'allowed' to move them, because people with drinking problems could get nasty about stuff like that.

If he wants a home cooked meal then he should make it himself. You should make space in the fridge for the food. For a dinner for one person this should be doable.

No idea what she’s going to do when the baby gets here - well put it this way, if she’s not feeding the baby properly and there’s no room in the fridge due to excessive amounts of beer taking up all the room then social services will most likely end up getting involved somehow. Then she will HAVE to do something.

I have I already replied to you before and said they might be alcoholics! So yes I have taken that into consideration! If the fridge situation is really as bad as op claims then I would say DH definitely has an alcohol problem and DS might be following in his footsteps.
And if they get nasty if op tells them she wants the beers removing then she really does need to think about her baby and maybe try and move out - because beer in exchange for putting food in the fridge is not the way to live with a small baby.

Either way, the op herself seems to have strange eating habits which many people have commented on. The whole thread seems extremely bizarre. What I have come to realise though is although you might not see it, the DS also seems to be the victim of some sort of abuse - grew up never having a proper meal, has to pay £400, some of which goes towards his food but there’s never food in the house for him, he’s told not to buy it himself because there’s no room in the fridge but op moans because she has to go out and buy it for him! Both op and her DH don’t seem to care how the DS eats or if he eats at all. There seems to be a complete disregard to his feelings in all this and this has been my argument all along. Yes he’s an adult but I assume still quite a young adult.

I totally agree! It's your son not hard to make a meal which can last 2 days what kind of mother are you!

But surely a family is something different from a bunch of adults sharing expenses? Of course everyone contributes to it, but this arrangement seems utterly cold. I agree with a pp: what goes around, comes around. We then get all those stupid articles from older parents blaming therapists for their estranged relationships with adult children. It seems to me there has to be another way...

It's not about fridge space it's about a dysfunctional family where nobody has any consideration for anyone else and nobody ever eats at home.

As in: The famous MN “Massive Salad” up there with the Never Ending Roast Chicken!

This is such a weird home set up.

But he's DH's son not yours so it's his responsibility to cook/provide for him.

I'm sorry I genuinely don't know this. However I'll look out for the massive salad thing on here from now

I think it’s the choice of words people use to describe something that seems to have become somewhat of an inside joke on MN. Using words such as ‘massive’ to describe the salad. Obviously it might be a large salad but I cannot imagine it being ‘massive’. Again the reference that poster made about ‘never ending chicken’. I mean it’s not going to be ‘never ending’ is it? But someone must have obviously described a chicken in that way in a previous thread.

It screams alcohol issues to me. Not eating properly and the only fridge full of alcohol to the extent that enough ingredients for a meal wont fit too. Nobody in the house has the ability to make a meal. And a baby on the way.

Also, as a pp said, I'm assume that she wasn't 'allowed' to move them, because people with drinking problems could get nasty about stuff like that.

What do you actually want him to do, not eat?!

My eldest is working and pays board which includes food. I do a meal plan for the week, if he doesn't like/fancy the planned meal, he sorts himself out. If he tells me before I've done the shopping I'll get him alternatives that he can make himself.

I also have other teens who are in education but have a lot of after school commitments and it's similar, if theyre not home when I cook ill offer to do them a plate or the fridge and freezer are stocked with basics they can make themselves if they prefer.

Yanbu not to want to cook but yabu not giving him the means to cook for himself

It’s the ridiculous insistence on a lot of competitive underrating threads that a whole supermarket roast chicken can feed a family of four for multiple meals over a week and if it doesn’t you are somehow gluttonous

Oh yes I seem to remember reading that thread. Don’t think I’d like to eat chicken that’s a few weeks old, if that makes me gluttonous then so be it. 🤣

@aleesh4

why are you aren’t you asking what kind of father his father is?

She refers to him as her son in the title and says she thinks of him as her son. Anyway my problem with it is not that she's responsible for all food in the house but that 3 apparent adults can't sort this out themselves. Do they never speak?

I expect it's all already been said but I can't read nearly 500 replies.

But what is he supposed to do if you don't want to cook for him, don't want to buy food for him to cook himself, and don't want him to buy his own food to cook himself?

It sounds as if he's just a big inconvenience for you to have around, a nuisance in his own home. I feel sorry first him. And he pays £400 pm first this experience.

I think you must reduce his rent and tell him to buy and cook his own food, and then provide somewhere for him to store it.

OP - nicely. You, your DH and your step son need to get better at communicating - fast.

If you are already unable to sort out what should be a fairly simple issue, then how are you going to cope with a new baby, lack of sleep and all the challenges that that throws up?

Otherwise I look forward to your thread in a few months detailing how, not only does DH do nothing, but he and DSS actively make your life more difficult.

Where does it mention OP is pregnant? I've re read OP's posts over and over again and can't see anything about her being pregnant on them.

yabu for using the phrased picky tea and massive salad

Posters have advanced searched and apparently OP has recently posted about being 34(?) weeks pregnant.